


Hot For Teacher

by MyMindsMadness



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Casual GenSaku, Don't come for my wig, F/M, I Warned Ya'll, I can never tell with my own writing, It's Okay, Jiraiya/Tsunade - if you squint, Kakashi was never Hokage, No 4th war, Sage!Sakura, Sexy Times, ShikaIno - Freeform, and one face-fucking scene that surprised even me, but not really, endgame kakasaku, gaanaru - Freeform, kinda slowburn-ish?, not sorry, sorry - Freeform, technical infidelity, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 02:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 47,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22008688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyMindsMadness/pseuds/MyMindsMadness
Summary: What if it hadn’t been Sasuke Uchiha that had caught Sakura’s eye? What if her sights had been set a little higher, or rather… older?How would the team dynamic and Sakura herself be changed if the object of her affection had been one Kakashi Hatake?It’s amazing how just one small alteration can change the course of a young woman’s life…
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Shiranui Genma
Comments: 208
Kudos: 357





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> **Hella long AN incoming - but read it! [AND THE TAGS!]**
> 
> Okay, so first off - thaaaaank you to everyone that followed the process on Tumblr/waited patiently. Ily guys. I do it for you - all for you!
> 
> Now! The first two chapters are glorified exposition/set up. I wanted to spend some time in young Sakura's shoes, but not _too_ much time. Mostly, I felt icky writing about a 12-year-old wanting to bang her teacher. Besides, we want all the yummy UST, right? But seriously, you might have to power through some parts xD
> 
> At the end of each chapter will be my 'cold notes'. Since people seemed to like hearing my thoughts/ideas, I thought I would take down my notes as I wrote. The cold notes are my views on the events of each chapter. They were written with no idea where future chapters would go! Along with these notes will be my 'doodle' art. Those pics are there for two reasons. 1) I became obsesses. 2) It's easier to show you guys than to go into annoyingly small detail about the buckles of an outfit, or angle of makeup, etc. 
> 
> Super quick disclaimer! I BS'ed my way through a good chunk of _Sage Mode_. I read up on what could, but the rules change in AU's. All I can say is to read fight scenes with a kind eye. They've never been my forte. 
> 
> And _finally,_ I have a poll going! You can take it as many times as you want. I'm curious as to how people are feeling throughout the story. So as often as you'd like tell me whether you're feeling #TeamGenma or #TeamKakashi. There are no wrong answers! It's mostly to help me decide if I want to do a Gen/Saku/Kaka story later on! Take the poll [**here**](https://www.poll-maker.com/poll2678947xC31a4c26-78)!
> 
> Enjoy the read guys!

* * *

**One**

_[Sakura: Age 12]_

_No way…_ Wide mint eyes scanned the introductory Genin packet for the third time. Naruto was loud and obnoxious, and Sasuke only seemed to think of himself… As far as teammates went, Sakura was less than happy… But it didn’t matter. She would put up with a hundred Naruto and Sasuke clones if the information in front of her was correct.

_Name: Haruno, Sakura_

_Team: Seven_

_Teammates: Uzumaki, Naruto. Uchiha, Sasuke._

_Jōnin Lead: Hatake, Kakashi_

“Looks like it’s your lucky day, Sakura.” Ino pressed into Sakura’s side to read the page over her shoulder. “Not only did you get teamed up with Sasuke, but you got Hatake as a sensei. You’ve had a crush on that old man since we read _Konoha’s Notable Ninja_ three years ago.”

“Shhhhh!” Sakura covered her best friend’s mouth with a glare. “I don’t have a _crush_! He’s just… admirable.” She huffed and let her hand fall away. “Besides, Kakashi-Sensei isn’t _that_ old. He’s only twenty-six. By our age, he was already a Jōnin-”

“- and an alleged ANBU, _and_ in the Mist’s bingo book.” Ino rolled her bright eyes. “I’ve heard this all before.”

Biting her lip, Sakura blushed. It was possible that she might have spoken excessively about Kakashi Hatake in the past, but that was years ago! There was no way she’d act like an idiot in front of him now! Especially since he’d be her Jōnin lead. Even if she did (not so secretly) have a crush on him, learning from the Leaf’s very own Copy Nin was an honor. There was so much he could teach her! A sensei like Kakashi Hatake… She would have to work hard to impress a man like him. There could be no slack in her training. In fact, she would double it!

“Earth to forehead!’ Sakura blinked, her eyes narrowing at the old nickname.

“Don’t call me forehead, Ino pig!”

“Who are you calling a pig!?”

“Ladies!” Iruka’s exasperated yell cut them off. “As much as I’m going to miss this, it’s time for you to get into your groups and meet your new sensei.”

Smiling, Sakura hugged her packet to her chest. “See you after dinner!” She called, hardly hearing when Ino also replied as if nothing had happened.

Perhaps calling his new crop of Genin a bunch of idiots hadn’t been the right foot to start off on. But if they were anything like the others, they wouldn’t be around long. _Then again…_

They _weren’t_ like the others, were they? Naruto… the Nine-Tails Jinchūriki… and Minato’s son. He looked so much like his predecessor, it almost pained Kakashi when the young boy smiled. Kakashi remembered Kushina’s pregnancy announcement like it was yesterday… And now he would teach Minato’s son, just as Minato had taught him.

Then there was the Uchiha. The very last, if he didn’t count Itachi. The kinship Kakashi felt towards the young boy wasn’t only due to the sharingan hidden beneath his headband. Loss of a family was something he understood far too well – something _too many_ shinobi understood.

And the girl… well, he had never heard of her before. Her hair was certainly distinctive, but her parents were civilians. Ones that were displeased with their daughter’s career choice, if her file was anything to go off of. Why she had been paired with the two boys, Kakashi couldn’t say. She seemed to be the only one of the three that respected him thus far, so at least there was that.

One by one, his potential students played along with his introductory game. Sasuke’s response was… unsettling. It was clear that he planned on avenging his clan by killing his brother. Would it do any good to tell him that no solace would be found in revenge? Perhaps they were even more alike than Kakashi would care to admit.

Naruto’s response was… well, idiotic. Though, at the declaration of his bid for Hokage, something in Kakashi’s chest clenched tightly. He might look like Minato, but his personality was all Kushina.

When it was Sakura’s turn, she blushed and looked to her feet. _Great. One of those._ “I want to be _strong_.” Kakashi blinked at the conviction in her voice. _Maybe not…_ Her bright green eyes lifted to him, the flush of her cheeks contrasting the color boldly. “I want to be respected, and to be viewed as one of the best kunoichi Konoha has ever seen. I want…” Her blush deepened. “I want to be noticed.”

“That’s an admirable goal, Sakura.” When she ducked her head again, Kakashi smiled. _These three have a long way to go_. “Go home and get some rest, you three. Tomorrow, your real exam will take place.”

Sakura breathed deeply, her limbs spread out uselessly on the grass beside her. That stupid bell test had been enough to wear her out, but _of course_ she just had to train until the sun went down. It couldn’t be helped. Not when she was still so weak…

_Earlier…_

_Sasuke’s location had been exposed, and Naruto was dangling from a tree. Idiot. Sakura had to move, and quickly. She hadn’t figured out how to approach Kakashi-Sensei yet, but she knew that it couldn’t be alone. Her only skills were seeing through genjutsu and wielding the tantō on her back. An unprovoked frontal attack against an enemy as skilled as Kakashi Hatake was suicide – as Naruto had proven._

_“Psst! Sakura!”_

_With a deep sense of dread, Sakura turned to find Kakashi-sensei crouched just behind where she had hidden. Before a scream could even work its way up her throat, she felt it – the beginnings of a genjutsu. Steadying her breath, Sakura tried to ignore the way the shadows around her seemed to stretch and grow._

_Shaky hands rose in a familiar sign. “Release!” She croaked._

_“Very good, Sakura. You have quite a talent for seeing through illusion.”_

_Trying not to blush at the compliment, Sakura drew her tantō and lunged while he wasn’t expecting it. She didn’t need to best him, just distract him enough to get a hand on one of those stupid bells. As if he had anticipated the move, Kakashi drew a kunai, easily meeting her blow for blow._

_“And you have some skill with a blade. The strength behind your movements is impressive. Most Genin haven’t worked with such a weapon before.”_

_“I’m not most Genin.” She pridefully declared, sidestepping when he tried to maneuver her backwards. She would never let Kakashi-Sensei know that she only picked up the weapon because he was pictured using one in her textbook._

_She had felt so sure of herself with her final lunge, only to find her thin blade lodged in the bark of a tree. A substitution. “It seems the three of you are quite exceptional.” She heard the compliment, but her sensei was nowhere to be found._

_Present…_

Lifting her head, Sakura focused on the makeshift target she had set up. Her tantō was good for close range, but she needed a way to attack an enemy from a distance. Senbon were lighter than kunai and shuriken, and with the right poisons could be just as deadly. Standing on weak, shaky legs, Sakura pulled the needles from the tree.

“You shouldn’t push yourself too hard.” The unexpected voice made her yelp once, her tired limbs nearly giving out. With a frown, Sakura looked up to find her sensei lounging on one of the branches, a small book in hand. “If you don’t give your muscles time to recuperate, you’ll do more harm than good.”

When his dark eye turned to her, Sakura felt herself blush. How could a man that covered most of his face be so… _attractive_? Maybe it was his voice? His reputation? Maybe it was because just that one eye was enough to make Sakura go warm from head to toe. “I just… I want to be stronger…”

“You will be.” He leapt gracefully to the ground, his eye crinkling in a smile when he landed in front of her. Still smiling, Kakashi placed a heavy hand on the crown of her head. The gesture made Sakura’s stomach flip. “Strength starts from within, Sakura. Be patient with yourself, okay?”

Reddening at his cheery tone and warm hand, Sakura nodded. “Y-yeah… okay.”

The tantō in Sakura’s hands was steadier than she felt. The mist was too thick, and she couldn’t see Naruto or Sasuke anymore. Zabuza was somewhere out there – waiting to cut them down. The bridge builder stood at her back, muttering about things Sakura couldn’t focus on – not when her heart was in her throat. This mission wasn’t supposed to go this way. It was supposed to be simple…

“Sakura…” Kakashi’s back remained to her, but he glanced over his shoulder with that haunting sharingan eye. “Relax. I won’t let anything happen to my team.” Despite the situation, his eyes crinkled in a smile. How? How could Kakashi be so calm when the mist was practically smothering them?

_Strength starts from within, Sakura_

With a shaky breath, Sakura nodded. “Me either.”

With renewed vigor, Sakura adjusted her hold on the blade. She _would_ see this mission through. She _would_ be strong enough to impress Kakashi-Sensei. She _would_ prove that she wasn’t a waste of his time and knowledge!

It happened almost too quickly to see – the flash of black and white as Zabuza made his move. Kakashi was there before Sakura could even understand what was happening - stopping the impressive blade with his arm. It was only the sight of his blood that allowed the reality of the situation to sink in.

“Cha!” _No one is going to hurt Kakashi-Sensei on my watch!_ Her tantō thrust forward, nicking Zabuza’s stomach before he leapt back into the mist once more.

His haunting laugh lingered. “Quite the little kunoichi you have there, Hatake. I can’t say the other two are doing quite as well.”

“Naruto… Sasuke…”

“Sakura.” This time, Kakashi’s tone was short and firm. “Guard the bridge builder.” He spared her only a glance before stepping into the dense fog. “I’m putting an end to this.”

Sakura knew realistically there was nothing she could do for Kakashi-Sensei. He needed rest from overusing his sharingan, and _Tsunami_ was perfectly clear when she told them that she’d care for their sensei. _As if a simple civilian could understand the ins and outs of chakra depletion._ With a noise close to a growl, Sakura threw a handful of senbon at her target, her ire growing when half of them missed their mark.

“Could you be any more obvious?”

“Huh?”

Sakura had nearly forgotten that Sasuke and Naruto were training too. “I don’t know what you mean.” She huffed, ignoring Naruto’s confused look along with Sasuke’s smug one.

“You’ve got a thing for Kakashi-Sensei, right?” Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, smirking as Sakura’s face grew hot.

“Wha!?” Naruto recoiled. “Seriously, Sakura!? He’s like a hundred! How could you like an old pervert like Kakashi-Sensei!?”

With an _actual_ growl, Sakura brought her fist down on Naruto’s head. “You wanna keep your voice down, idiot!?” Her narrowed eyes moved to Sasuke. “You’re wrong! I just care about my team. You might want to try it!”

Sasuke huffed lightly, his nose turning upward. “Whatever. Like I care that you want to fuck an old man.”

“Gross! Didn’t you hear what Sakura said!?” Because Naruto was yelling again, Sakura tuned him out.

It didn’t matter how Sakura felt about Kakashi-Sensei. Not when she was too young and too weak to be worth his time.

* * *

_[Sakura: Age 14]_

Sakura frowned as the next preliminary match began. They were exhausted from their time in the woods, and they weren’t even given any chance to rest or eat. This seemed a little extreme, even for something like a Chūnin promotion. She was surprised to see that every team in their year had progressed this far as well. Maybe it _wasn’t_ extreme. There was no way an audience would sit through this many matches…

“Sakura? What happened to your hair?” She hadn’t heard Kakashi approach, but the moment he spoke her name, a light blush colored Sakura’s cheeks.

It had been two years since team seven was formed. Two years of training. Two years of working in close proximity… Two years of blushing. Sakura had hoped that she would work up an immunity of sorts to Kakashi’s presence, but the more time they spent together, the bigger her crush grew. At first, she admired only his strength and reputation. But... as Sakura got to know her sensei, it became so much more. She admired the way he smiled, even when the situation was terrifying. She admired the way he always seemed to know when she was in need of a talk. She admired the way that he took his time to work with her whenever she asked. She admired _him_.

Lightly touching the jagged edges left by her tantō, Sakura forced a smile. “It’s just hair. It’ll grow back.”

“You should have seen her, Kakashi-Sensei!” Ino spoke up, having been eavesdropping nearby. Sakura’s glare did nothing to deter her. “One of those Sound ninja managed to get Sakura by the hair. Instead of crying like I _totally_ would have, she used her sword to cut through it – just like that! She even managed to take off one of the girl’s fingers!”

Sakura subconsciously rubbed at the dry blood on her shoulder as Kakashi lifted his eyebrows. “Well, I’m glad to hear that you could handle yourself out there. Good job, Sakura.” He gave her a cheery smile.

“Am I a great wing-woman, or what?” Ino grinned when Kakashi moved on to Naruto and Sasuke.

“You laid it on a little thick!” Sakura hissed with a frown. “Now he probably thinks that I put you up to saying that!” Her face softened as she looked towards the boys. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Sasuke and Naruto are ten times stronger than I’ll ever be. Did you see the way they handled themselves in the forest? I was practically dead weight...”

“Sakura…”

Whatever Ino was going to say was lost when the proctor spoke. “Next match! Yamanaka, Ino and Haruno, Sakura.”

“What’s a pretty young thing like you doing crying out here all alone?” The question would have been a red flag if not for the man’s soft smile. He didn’t ask permission, but simply sat on the bench next to Sakura.

“The Hokage is dead… Sasuke is gone… why not cry?” Sakura glared at the older man. Surprisingly, he laughed.

“I see from your headband that you’re a shinobi. You can’t afford to cry every time someone dies. The village is still standing, and that’s all that matters. That’s _why_ we risk our lives, after all.”

She knew that he was right, but still... “I hate this.” She admitted in a whisper. What harm could come from venting a bit? It seemed everyone else was too busy to even notice that she had slunk off. “I feel like I’m running as fast as I can, but I just can’t seem to catch up.” On her knees, Sakura’s fists tightened.

“You really shouldn’t compare yourself to others.”

With a sharp glare, she turned to the man. “What do you know about it!? You have no idea who my teammates are, or what I’m up against! Talk to me when your squad members are practically legends, old man!”

The man blinked in wonder before breathing a quick laugh. “What’s your name, girlie?”

Still glaring, Sakura huffed. “Sakura. Sakura Haruno.”

“How fitting. I’ll tell you what, Sakura Haruno-“ he reached into his pocket and produced a small card. “This is my mailbox address. When you decide that you’re ready to _really_ train, you write me.”

Dumbfounded, Sakura took the card. “My sensei is the Copy Nin, Kakashi Hatake. What makes you think that you’d be any better of a sensei than he is?” It was on instinct that she jumped to Kakashi’s defense, but the truth was… she hadn’t seen him in months. He had been off training Sasuke. “Why would you want to train me anyway? I don’t even know you.”

The man laughed as he stood, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “My name is Jiraiya, but you might know me as one of three legendary Sanin!” He held up three fingers dramatically. _No way… the one Naruto trained with after the preliminaries?_ “As for why I would want to train you…” His smile grew more genuine. “Let’s just say that you remind me of someone.” With no more explanation, Jiraiya headed back the way he came, waving over his shoulder. “I’ll be awaiting your letter, Sakura Haruno!”

* * *

_[Sakura: Age 15]_

“You have the aim of a drunken chimp.” Sakura glared at Genma, but he was so used to her ire at this point that he didn’t even flinch.

“Aim is one thing. I can easily hit the target when throwing senbon, but what makes you think I’ll be able to _spit_ one accurately?”

When Sakura learned of Genma’s ability with her projectile of choice, it seemed like the best course of action to ask for his help. Especially since Naruto was off trying to track down the next Hokage, and Kakashi was busy hunting down Sasuke. Once again, they had left her behind. Sakura had drafted no less than five letters to Jiraiya before deciding against it. Even if they hadn’t taken Sakura with them, Kakashi and Naruto were her teammates. She wanted to be around when they returned. But that didn’t mean that she couldn’t seek out training _inside_ the village.

The first two weeks had been spent with Gai-Sensei and his team. His taijutsu skills were unmatched, but Sakura drew the line at green spandex. Kurenai-Sensei was next. Although it seemed that Sakura had a natural gift for genjutsu, she found that she didn’t enjoy it at all. When it came to Asuma-Sensei, he only wanted to play shogi. After only ten minutes of the game, Sakura’s hair reeked of smoke. Just when she had resolved herself to training alone, Genma made an appearance.

He wasn’t like the other sensei in the sense that he _wasn’t_ a sensei. Sakura begged for the better part of a month before he agreed to train her. Even then, he wasn’t the most helpful. At first, she thought that he was… well, an ass. After several sessions, she learned that it was just Genma’s way. In treating her like he would anyone else, Genma had unintentionally been the only one Sakura had ever felt seen by. He didn’t sugarcoat things, and he didn’t handle her with kid-gloves. Because of this, Sakura had actually managed to progress.

“You’re putting too much chakra behind it.” He sighed and stood beside Sakura. “Don’t just hold it between your lips – use your teeth.” A lazy smile curved his lips. “And that’s the only time I’ll ever say those words.”

It had taken a while to get used to Genma’s lewd jokes, but they too only served to make Sakura feel like an equal. “Be a pervert on your own time.”

“This _is_ my time, brat.” He pointed out before shifting the senbon in his mouth. “By using your teeth, you’ll be able to gauge the chakra. If the metal starts to vibrate, that means you’re using too much. The vibrations will throw off your aim. Remember, senbon aren’t like your tantō. It’s about precision, not force.”

With a deep, cleansing breath, Sakura placed one of the metal needles between her teeth. Focusing on her chakra flow, she tilted her chin upward to compensate for the lower point of origin. When the senbon began to shake, Sakura pulled her chakra back a bit before releasing the needle. Discouragingly, it met the target but didn’t quite hit center.

“Better.” Genma complimented, ruffling her still-short hair. “Next time pucker your lips. It helps guide the trajectory.”

Frowning, Sakura began to collect the discarded weapons. “At this rate, I’ll never be able to use poisons.”

“You’ll definitely die if you try that at this point.” He smiled. “But I wouldn’t say _never_.” When she didn’t respond, Genma crossed his arms. “You’re not still pouting about Hatake being out of the village, are you?”

“I never was.” Her voice held no conviction. Why did it seem that everyone was able to so easily read her?

“You need to give up on this crush of yours, Sakura. _That_ is one thing that will never happen.” He jumped sideways, a barrage of senbon landing where his foot had just been. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

“I’m not stupid, okay?” She pouted, falling to the ground with a huff. “It’s not like I’m expecting him to be attracted to me now. But maybe in a few years…”

“ _Never_ going to happen.” Genma sat cross-legged in front of her. “I’m not saying this to upset you, so don’t give me that look. I’m just telling you what you need to hear so that you don’t waste your time.”

A sinking feeling pulled Sakura’s shoulder’s downward. Maybe she’d be strong enough one day… maybe Kakashi-sensei would finally notice her if she could _just_ get out of Naruto and Sasuke’s shadow. “I’m trying to be worthy of his attention…” Her voice was small – nearly carried off by a passing breeze. “I know that Kakashi-sensei probably values strength above looks, so I’m trying to be someone notable… someone that he would actually see.”

“It’s got nothing to do with strength _or_ looks.” Genma seemed uncomfortable with her display of emotion. At her questioning pout, he sighed. “Okay, let’s break this down. _First_ , there’s the age thing. While I’ve been known to partake in women up to ten years my senior or junior – all legal, mind you – Kakashi’s far too moral for such things. With you being so young, you have the sex appeal of a puppy to him.”

“I won’t always be this young!” Sakura countered. “One day, I’ll be old enough that he’ll _have_ to see me as a woman!”

“That might be true, but that brings us on to point _two_.” Genma’s senbon bobbed as it switched sides. “You’re his ex-student. Even if you were promoted to Chūnin, that doesn’t erase the fact that you once learned under him. There are laws, you know. Well, not _laws_ , but rules. Even if you somehow managed to seduce our masked hero, he couldn’t act on those feelings. No matter how old you were, people would brand him a pedophile. Not to mention, there would be a formal investigation launched to make sure nothing happened while you were underage.”

Sakura had never considered anything past getting Kakashi’s attention. She hadn’t even imagined what a relationship with him would be like. All she knew was that… she wanted him beside her. She wanted him to always smile at her… to hold her hand… to touch her. But could she be that selfish? Could she ask Kakashi to risk his reputation for her? Would he even want to? Although Sakura had been in love with her sensei since she was in the academy, he hardly noticed her. Watching her try so hard and grow up in front of him… wouldn’t that just make things worse?

“And finally, there is Kakashi himself.” Genma continued, unaware of Sakura’s inner turmoil. “I’ve known Kakashi Hatake since our academy days. He’s never taken an interest in anyone - not long term. He’s just not the type.” Sighing, Genma leaned forward to ruffle her hair again. “Seriously, brat. He's not worth your effort.” Smiling, he tilted his head. “But I’ll tell you what. When you’re legal, if you’re still hopelessly obsessed with Hatake, I’ll help you get your man.”

With a forced smile, Sakura pushed to her feet. “Thanks, Genma.”

* * *

_[Sakura: Age 16]_

Because Sakura knew Kakashi well, she knew exactly where he would be after a failed mission. Maybe she should have left him alone in his misery… but _she_ had been alone for too long. Sasuke was still with Orochimaru, and Sakura wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Sasuke had been her teammate… maybe even a friend, but it wasn’t like he was kidnapped. All the choices Sasuke made were his own. Instead of treating him like a boy that made a mistake, people needed to understand that he was a shinobi that chose to abandon his village.

“Sakura.” Kakashi greeted her tiredly, pulling his lone eye away from the memorial stone. “Sorry I didn’t find you when I got back. It’s been a long few days.” Hands buried in his pockets, Kakashi forced a smile. “Happy belated birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks.” She spared him a small smile of her own before facing the stone. None of the names were familiar. Maybe she should be thankful for that. “Kakashi-Sensei… can I ask you a question?”

“Only if you drop the _sensei_. I don’t think it really fits anymore, does it?”

It should have made Sakura excited to address him so informally, but Genma’s words still hung heavy in her heart. “How do you view me?”

He blinked, seemingly confused by her question. “How do I view you?” Sakura nodded once. “Hmm… let’s see. You’re a strong girl with an astonishing drive to impress her superiors. You’re a caring friend. Though, you never let others cloud your judgment. And you’re on track to be a very impressive kunoichi.” Happy with his assessment, Kakashi turned to look back at her, but Sakura’s watery eyes remained on her feet.

“Is that all?” His answer had been so… impersonal. It was an answer she would expect from a formal assessment. But maybe… that was exactly what it had been. Sakura knew that Kakashi didn’t have any romantic views of her, but did he not even care for her as a friend? Those compliments had been so generic, especially compared to how passionately he had spoken of Sasuke and Naruto’s talents.

“Did I say something wrong?” He reached for her, but Sakura backed up with a watery laugh and a shake of her head. If he placed his hand on her head, she'd forget how upset she was and simply restart the cycle.

“No.” Despite how she tried to play it off, tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “Thank you. For your kind words.” Ducking her head, Sakura turned from him. “I’ll leave you alone now.”

“Sakura!” He called after her, but she was already jumping through the trees.

She ignored the way people in the civilian quarter turned to look at her as she jumped from roof to roof. Just like she ignored her mother’s disapproving call when she didn’t bother to take off her shoes as she barreled through the house.

_Strength starts from within, Sakura_

He had said that then – years ago. Maybe, Sakura hadn’t been focusing on the right kind of strength. She thought at the time that Kakashi had meant the strength of will to keep going; the strength of one’s mind when it came to perseverance. But that was wrong… she had been _so_ wrong. It wasn’t the strength to continue down her path that Sakura needed. She had tried over and over again to take that route, only to find herself falling behind. If Sakura wanted to get stronger, she needed to do it for _herself_ , and she needed to try a different path.

Pulling out a piece of floral stationary her mother had insisted on, Sakura quickly began to write.

_Dear Jiraiya,_

_Okay. I’m ready..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore the idea of Ino and Sakura being close friends because they never fought over Sasuke. Their teasing would be more easy-going, and they would have developed from where they were in canon before Sasuke tore them apart.
> 
> Every time I read Sasuke’s _‘Could you be anymore obvious?’_ I read it like Chandler from FRIENDS, and now I can’t stop xD
> 
> ‘What harm could come from venting a bit?’ was originally ‘What harm could come from talking to a stranger’. It was changed for obvious reasons xD


	2. Two

**Two**

_[Sakura: Age 20]_

_Quiet… stillness… balance… peace…_

“Fuck!” Sakura bellowed as she fell from her carefully balanced perch. With the fall being ten feet, she was lucky to catch herself about halfway down – the slick oil nearly making it impossible. “Fuck!” She cursed again, glaring at Jiraiya as he threw his head back in a full-bellied laugh.

“You were much closer that time!” Her toad summon, Gamariki encouraged. “I could see the pattern around your eyes and mouth!”

“That doesn’t mean you can start slacking off!” Jiraiya cut in before Sakura could be proud of her progress. “Obtaining _Sage Mode_ is only half the battle! If you can’t activate it fast enough, it’ll be useless in actual combat.”

“I’ve been at this for months.” Sakura groaned, lowering herself to the ground. “This better be worth it, old man.”

“When have I ever led you astray, girlie?”

He was right, of course. But that didn’t mean Sakura wouldn’t take her frustrations out on him. It had been nearly five years since Sakura obtained permission to leave Konoha indefinitely. When Jiraiya had first come to collect her, Sakura had been hesitant. Writing him had been done in a fit of girlish hormones, but to actually _leave_ with the pervert… It had been the _best_ decision of Sakura’s life.

Through Jiraiya, Sakura learned jutsu and techniques she could have never dreamed of. She learned how to harness her chakra, and how to channel it through her beloved tantō. Now, almost at her twenty-first birthday, she was close to unlocking a form that very few before her had managed.

At first, she missed her family and friends… mostly Kakashi. It was silly to pine for a man that hardly saw her as a student, but her heart wouldn’t take no for an answer. When Jiraiya learned the truth, he doubled her training. His objective had been to wear Sakura out so much, that there was no room left in her head for ‘silly crushes’. It had worked. The stronger Sakura became, the more she focused on obtaining that strength for _herself_. But even now, when she was left alone with her thoughts, she wondered how Kakashi was. She didn’t dare ask in any of her letters, and only Ino offered information unprompted.

Part of Sakura didn’t _want_ to know. As long as she kept Kakashi out of her mind, she could pretend that her silly girlhood crush had been just that. She had tried to take Jiraiya’s stance – losing herself in a random, handsome face. It failed more times than not. Besides, it was pathetic that they all reminded her of _him_. Except for the last time…

_Two Weeks Earlier…_

_With Jiraiya ‘visiting’ the hot springs, Sakura was left to her own devices in the small Waterfall tavern. It wasn’t as nice as the usual places Sakura looked for company, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. And after an eight-month dry spell, she was definitely reaching beggar status._

_The man to Sakura's right had been talking her ear off for the last fifteen minutes. He seemed nice enough, but he was just… wrong. His muscles were too bulky, his eyes too light, and he was far too young. He wouldn’t do at all. When the poor civilian realized he was being shunned, Sakura was once again left alone. Just as she contemplated trying somewhere else, a man in one of the old booths caught her eye._

_He was older – probably in his forties. Although his hair was a dusty blond, it could easily pass for white in the minimal light of the tavern. When his brown eyes narrowed in a coy smile, Sakura felt desire pool in the pit of her stomach. Oh yes, he would do._

_“I see you still have a type.” The familiar voice was alarming enough to pull Sakura’s gaze from her target to the smiling Jōnin. “Not quite the same little brat, though.”_

_Despite his teasing, Sakura felt a large smile tug at her lips. The rum she had been sipping helped it along. “What are you doing here, Genma?”_

_“I could ask you the same thing.” His dark eyes overtly glided downward as Sakura turned her stool towards him. “My my, Sakura… Time has been good to you… You left that part out in your letters.”_

_There was something powerful in knowing that Genma liked what he saw. He had never been ugly – though, not usually Sakura’s type. Maybe it was because he was the same age as Kakashi. If she could draw Genma’s eye, would Kakashi look at her with the same blatant hunger? After all, Genma had trained Sakura, and had known her when she was young - just as Kakashi had. The power she felt doubled as his heavy eyes found her own. Age had been good to him as well. Then again, Sakura tended to favored older men._

_She hummed, sipping her drink. “Be careful, Genma. I might think you’ve got a soft spot for me.”_

_“I assure you, nothing about you has me soft.” He moved the senbon in his mouth from one corner to the other, and Sakura’s eyes followed it. Genma had always been known for his talented mouth…_

_“Last time I saw you, you were calling me a brat and ruffling my hair.” She pointed out. “I believe there was also talk about using my teeth, but that was so long ago…”_

_His brows lifted in surprise when she returned his flirtatious banter. “You_ are _a brat. But I can find a new way to ruffle your hair, if you’re feeling nostalgic.” His smile was lazy, but his eyes held a challenge. “As long as you don’t use your teeth.”_

_Shifting on her stool again, Sakura crossed her legs, allowing her knee to rub the crotch of his pants slowly. He was half-hard, but completely shocked by the gesture. With a small smile, Sakura took the senbon from between his slacked lips, pressing it through the base of her long ponytail. Still surprised, but decidedly more excited, Genma’s hand moved to her bare thigh when she leaned in._

_“Let’s see if I can teach you a thing or two this time.”_

_Present…_

Luckily for Sakura, they both treated the situation casually the next morning. Although she hadn’t seen Genma in years, they had maintained a pretty good friendship through letters. It had started as a way for Sakura to let him know she was leaving, but they ended up exchanging them regularly.

Genma had been a good lay, and his mouth _had_ been as talented as all the women claimed, but it was probably a bad move. Eventually, Sakura would have to return to the village, and she didn’t want to do so with a scandalous reputation. It was bad enough that Jiraiya’s latest protagonist had been a kunoichi with pink hair. That had been acceptable, but the (completely exaggerated) illustrations were not.

“Break’s over, girlie!” He declared pulling Sakura from her thoughts. “Back to it.”

With a cleansing breath, Sakura stood and jumped to her perch. “Alright! This time for sure!”

_The Steady Shuriken_ was the only ninja bar in the village, so Kakashi was out of luck when it came to drinking alone. He had buried himself in the far corner, hunching down as Gai bounded past to harass his ex-students at the bar. Just when he thought it was safe to relax, a familiar blond head practically fell into the seat across from him.

“Kaka-Sensei!” Naruto all but screamed. “I didn’t know you came here.” His smile was wide and genuine. “Granny Tsunade has had me training so hard, the only way I could get out of it was to bring her here for a drink.” He pointed to the intoxicated Hokage across the room.

“I heard that you destroyed another training field yesterday.” Kakashi replied, if only because it was polite to engage in small talk when prompted. His eyes landed on the small purple diamond in the middle of his ex-student’s forehead before he poured them both a cup of saké. Where had the years gone?

“It was the only way to get out of training all night.” He smiled, taking the drink with a thankful nod.

“Just the men I wanted to see!” Before Kakashi could protest, Genma was squeezing into the booth, physically forcing him to move down. “I just got back from my mission in Waterfall, and guess who I happened to see? Well, we didn’t see much with the lights off – if you know what I mean.”

“We always know what you mean, Genma.” Kakashi sighed. The last thing he wanted to hear was another overly-detailed sex story from the man.

“No one cares who you slept with this week.” Naruto spat. Kakashi would be lying if he said he wasn’t a _little_ proud.

“I guess if you don’t want to hear about the sexy pink-haired kunoichi I had screaming my name…”

Kakashi’s fingers froze, his cup pressed to his masked lips. _No… he wouldn’t_. “Sakura!?” Naruto accused before he could. “There’s no way!”

“Oh, way.” Genma smiled as Naruto turned redder. “She even sent me with a parting gift.” He waved a small teal book in the air. The next Icha Icha book wasn’t set to come out for another three months. The only ones that would have access to it would be… Jiraiya and Sakura.

“You’re a sick man.” Kakashi scrunched his nose, setting his cup down before he threw it. “She’s a child, Genma!”

“She was definitely all woman when _she_ picked _me_ up in that bar.” Genma eyed him with glee. “What’s wrong, Kakashi? Regretting rejecting her all those years ago?”

“I didn’t reject her, and she was _sixteen_!”

Kakashi hadn’t been blind to Sakura’s little crush on him. He noticed it right away, of course, but hoped it would go away on its own. The older she got, the more careful he knew that he had to be. Any overstepping would only encourage her (incriminate him), and he didn’t want to give the girl false hope. In his bid to protect her feelings, Kakashi had unintentionally distanced himself from her. While Sakura had left letters for half of the village, she hadn’t even bothered saying goodbye to him. At the time, Kakashi had understood. He hadn’t been there for her, and he _had_ been the one to push her over the edge. But as time went on, his guilt grew. Could he have done something more? Should he have sat her down and addressed the fact that she was far too young for him?

“She’s half your age.” Kakashi huffed as Naruto plugged his ears and chanted something along the lines of _‘don’t wanna know’_ over and over again. 

“She’s twenty.” Genma flipped through the small book. “It was actually Jiraiya that gave me the book, though. He said something about page twe- Ah! Here it is!” He held the book open so Kakashi could see the very graphic depiction of a curvaceous pink-haired woman. “Sakura is actually more athletic, and she has this cute little birthmark right – “

“No!” Naruto slapped the book out of Genma’s hands. “Sakura is like a sister to me! The last thing I want is to see her naked!”

While Genma and Naruto argued over what constituted as ‘seeing Sakura naked’, Kakashi slipped out of the booth, book in hand. He would have bought it anyway – he justified as the humid spring air hit his wet mask. Unfortunately, the dampness was do to a very unwanted nosebleed, so he didn't feel too bad about sticking Genma with the bill.

* * *

_[Sakura: Age 24]_

It was hard for Kakashi to believe that his former student was just days away from being named Sixth Hokage. In celebration, Naruto decided to take everyone out for a bowl of his favorite ramen. And by everyone, it seemed that he truly meant _everyone_. Apparently, he had gotten his first paycheck early, and decided blowing it on takeout was the best course of action. Normally, Kakashi would rather tear out his own hair than be forced in a small space with so many talking people, but a free meal was a free meal.

“I can’t believe this many people came!” Naruto declared as he hopped up on the stool next to Kakashi. The young man seemed unbothered by the Orochimaru sightings that had recently been reported. There were talks of a war on the horizon, but tonight, everyone wanted to celebrate. “I heard back from Sakura, by the way.”

“Oh?” Kakashi tried not to think of his only female student when her name was brought up. Thanks to Jiraiya’s last two books, he couldn’t even read his favorite series anymore. Especially when the female lead started having an affair with her sensei. Well… he _read_ them, but not without guilt. It was like Jiraiya was purposefully trying to torture him.

“She said that she’d try to come back for the ceremony.” Naruto’s voice didn’t hold much hope. He’d been asking Sakura to return for years, but she always found an excuse to stay away. “I wonder if Sakura will actually show up this time.”

_One Week Earlier…_

_It was rare to see Jiraiya in such a serious state, and it set Sakura’s teeth on edge. She wasn’t exactly thrilled to be standing toe-to-toe with Sasuke Uchiha either, but there were worse criminals to cross in the dense woods of Fire Country. The last Sakura heard, Sasuke had forsaken Orochimaru - swearing to kill the man himself. With all the rumors of a pending war, she wasn’t all that surprised to see him this close to the Leaf._

_“All Leaf shinobi are under strict orders to apprehend you on sight.” Jiraiya spoke casually, but his eyes narrowed._

_“I have no intention of ever going back to Konoha.” Sasuke’s gaze lingered on the older man before settling on Sakura. “You’ve changed.”_

_“Haven’t we all?” She raised a thin brow. “If you’re not going back to Konoha, why are you so close to its borders?”_

_“I want to be nearby when Orochimaru makes his move.” The two stood in tense silence. “I’m worth more to the village as a free man than a prisoner.”_

_“We should leave him.” Sakura spoke to her mentor after another beat. Jiraiya’s brows puckered, but he didn’t speak. “He’s right. Besides, his only real crime was leaving without permission. Orochimaru has been acting alone in attacking the Leaf. Sasuke had nothing to do with it.”_

_With a frown, Jiraiya huffed. “You better be right, girlie. I ain't going to jail for the likes of him!"_

_Present…_

Sakura felt her chest swell as she and Jiraiya passed through the main gates of Konoha. It had been eight years since she last stepped foot in the village, but it still felt like home. When talk of that home being threatened reached her, Sakura knew that she couldn’t put it off anymore. That truth was only reinforced when Naruto’s news about becoming Hokage reached her. Yes. It was definitely time.

“It always looks so different when I return.” Jiraiya mused as a couple of young Genin ran past. Had she ever been _that_ small? “Don’t you think?”

“No…” Sakura breathed, smiling at the people that went about their night. “It feels exactly how I remember it.”

Jiraiya gave her a small smile before hiking his scroll up higher on his back. “I have to let Tsunade know we’re here. Say hello to the kid for me, will ya?”

“Sure.” She waved him off, knowing he wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye.

Sakura knew that she ought to see her parents first, though she had no desire to. They had all but disowned her when she told them about leaving the village to train. Either way, Sakura’s heart longed to see the friends that had been calling her home. If the timeline Naruto had sent her was correct, she’d be able to find them all in one place.

Pushing back the curtains of the ramen shop, Sakura’s heart leapt into her throat at just the sight of them… of _him._ “I wonder if Sakura will actually show up this time.”

Naruto sounded so sad that Sakura instantly regretted not visiting sooner. Genma and she crossed paths every few months – going out of their way at times for the promise of great sex. But other than him, Sakura hadn’t seen anyone from the life she left behind. Standing here now, she couldn’t help but note just how much she had missed.

Taking a steadying breath, Sakura spoke over the noise. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” When they turned, Sakura smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to keep some aspects of canon Sakura’s personality. Of course, they couldn’t _all_ be good. One of the things I wanted to keep and kind of put center-stage was her ‘obsessive’ way of loving someone. But I also wanted to put it in a way that didn’t seem so… ~~_written by a man to further the plot of a male character_.~~ Oops! Who said that!? So, Sakura’s big heart/infatuation to the degree of obsession is going to be a very reoccurring thing throughout.
> 
> _“Normally, Kakashi would rather tear out his own hair than be forced in a small space with so many talking people, but a free meal was a free meal.”_
> 
> If that’s not a big’ole **_MOOD_**
> 
> If you follow me on Tumblr, you got a sneak peek of one of these scenes!
> 
> I drew up some sketches of Sakura/Sage Sakura/Sakura’s outfit!
> 
>   
>    
> 


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give excess info! :D**

**Three**

Although Kakashi hadn’t heard Sakura’s voice in nearly a decade, he knew it instantly. It brought back memories of the small Genin that wanted desperately to please him, and of the tears she had shed at their last exchange. Despite knowing perfectly well that so much time had passed, Kakashi was somehow still surprised to not find that tiny girl when he turned around.

Gone was the short hair that came from a particularly rough Chūnin exam. Instead, full cotton-candy waves sat in a high ponytail, crashing over her (perfectly proportional) curves and settling against the swell of her backside. The face that had been so rounded in youth had narrowed out, maintaining a squared jaw. The only makeup she seemed to wear was in the form of Jiraiya-inspired spikes of red under those cat-like eyes. Her body… her _womanly_ body was practically on display, despite being mostly covered by the simple earth-toned gear. All in all, Genma had been right… Sakura had grown up.

Then it happened – she looked at him. Her smile was soft and genuine, unknotting the tension Kakashi hadn’t known he carried in his chest. “Sakura!” Naruto screamed as he lunged from his seat. “I can’t believe you’re home!” His declaration pulled the attention of others nearby.

“Okay, Naruto!” She laughed, a breathy sound that suited the warrior she had _apparently_ become. “When did you get so strong!?”

Even as Naruto set the kunoichi down, Kakashi found himself standing. She had smiled at him, right? Maybe that meant that she forgave him – that they had a chance at a friendship. It had always bothered Kakashi that Naruto was the only student he managed to retain a personal relationship with. One in three were not good numbers.

“Sakura.” He gave her a smile when Naruto released her. Regardless of their time apart, a light blush spread across the woman’s cheeks. It was charming in its familiarity. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks, Kakashi-sens- Ah. Kakashi.” Her blushed deepened as she caught herself.

“Hey! The brat’s home!” Genma boomed, pushing Naruto backwards as he wrapped an arm around Sakura’s partially exposed waist. With no warning or hesitation, Genma bent to press a hungry kiss to Sakura’s lips. The action was so intimate, Kakashi almost hated to look directly at it.

“Don’t call me a brat, you asshole!” Sakura retorted with no malice when her lips were freed. Kakashi watched in morbid curiosity as Genma ducked his head to whisper in Sakura’s ear. As he did, those bottomless jade eyes found Kakashi before flickering away. Quickly, she shook her head at whatever Genma had said. “No. That's okay. Really.”

“Forehead!”

One by one, Sakura’s old friends pressed forward to greet her. Sliding from the shop, Kakashi smiled lightly. She didn’t hold a grudge against him. They would be okay.

Sakura bit back a smile as she folded her clothes, ignoring the way Ino watched her expectantly. “So…” The blond prompted, hugging a pillow to her stomach. “Are you going to tell me when it happened?”

“When what happened?” Sakura asked in genuine confusion.

She knew that when Ino offered her a place to stay while Sakura searched for an apartment, it would come at a cost. Ino didn’t deal in money or favors. Nope – only gossip. Sakura assumed she was safe, having been gone for so long. Seeing everyone again made it feel like it had been _too_ long. Somehow, her friends had managed to grow but be exactly as she remembered them. Then there was Kakashi… He had looked at her – _really_ looked at her. Like he was finally seeing her. But that was a road Sakura couldn’t go down – not again. An obsessive crush was cute at twelve. Not so much at twenty-four.

Then there was Genma. _‘I still stand by what I said all those years ago. I’ll help you lock down Hatake – if you want.’_

She had said no. It would be healthier if she moved on. Maybe seeing Kakashi again and interacting with him would help rid Sakura of her idyllic mental image. There was no way he could be as great as she remembered him to be. He was human, after all. And she wasn’t some naïve little girl anymore.

“When did you start dating Genma? Do you have a thing for _all_ older men?” Ino’s question earned her a glare.

“I’m not dating Genma. We see each other from time to time and have sex. There’s no romance involved.” At the other woman’s slacked-jaw, Sakura shrugged. “He’s a good friend, and we enjoy each other. There are just no… _feelings,_ I guess.” 

“Wow…” Ino blinked. “You left a simpering sixteen year old girl and came back a woman that uses men for her own carnal needs.” Her smile was teasing. “Jiraiya’s influence, I’m sure. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me anything in any of the letters you sent!”

“Because there’s nothing _to_ tell.” Giving up on her clothes, Sakura fell to the bed beside her best (female) friend. “What about you? Still trying to seduce Shikamaru?”

“Don’t even say that name around me!” Sakura tried not to laugh. “That Sand slut is visiting, and every time she comes around, he’s the one to escort her!”

“Calling Temari a _Sand slut_ might be a bit much. Especially because you haven’t even worked up the courage to tell him how you feel.”

“Whatever.” Ino scoffed and stretched out beside Sakura. “Speaking of hopeless romances, what was it like seeing Kakashi again?”

“I take it back. Let’s talk about the Sand slut.” When Ino didn’t budge, Sakura sighed. “I still got those stupid butterflies…”

“I have to assume that after over two decades, this just means that you’re soulmates.”

“Or that I’m pathetic and only want what I can’t have.”

“That too.” Ino waved a perfectly manicured hand. “Once you kick his ass during that weird test Naruto insisted on tomorrow, he’ll be completely in love!”

Naruto had been insistent on reenacting the bell test with just the two of them. Sakura had disagreed at first, wanting to put as much distance between her and ‘young Sakura’ as possible, but when Kakashi agreed, she was helpless. Although working her way up to _Sage Mode_ had been for her own benefit, Sakura was excited to show off all that she had learned.

“Because men always want women that can kick their ass’. Jiraiya and Tsunade are going to be there too, so it'll be tense.”

“Are you kidding!?” Ino rolled onto her stomach to look down at Sakura. “ _Half the village_ is going to be there! Two apprentices of the legendary Sanin against the notorious Copy Nin!? I’m surprised no one is selling tickets.”

Groaning, Sakura covered her face with a pillow. _Great. No pressure._

“The rules are the same as before.” Kakashi spoke evenly. Nearby, Jiraiya and Tsunade sat in a tree, sharp eyes watching every move. Further back, a small audience had gathered. “If you’re not prepared to kill, you won’t get the bells. You’ll have until sunrise.”

“Are you sure about that?” Sakura smirked. “We could _actually_ kill you now, you know.”

Unphased, Kakashi smiled. “I suppose I’m going to need this then.” He reached up to raise his hitai-ate and expose his whirling sharingan. “Begin!”

“Come on!” Naruto screamed as Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke. “Didn’t realize you were the type to run scared, Kakashi-Sensei!”

“He’s not in the tree line…” Sakura breathed, eyes moving across the forest…

Following her lead, Naruto skimmed the crowd. “Not hiding near them… or in the lake.”

“Naruto, do you remember the first time we did this?” Sakura caught his eye, quickly glancing downward.

With a laugh that was closer to a giggle, Naruto cracked his knuckles. “Good to have you back, Sakura!” Pulling his fist back until it glowed with orange chakra, Naruto smashed it into the ground.

With wide eyes, Sakura attempted to maintain her footing as the earth cracked and split open. “What incredible strength…” She murmured as Kakashi was revealed. Naruto had grown even stronger than he had been when she left! Blinking into awareness, Sakura’s lips curled as Kakashi tried to jump away. “No you don’t!” Biting the pad of her thumb, she formed a familiar sequence. “Summoning jutsu!”

“Sakura!” Gamariki’s flamboyant voice filled the air before the smoke even cleared. “Oh, what cute boys!”

“S-Sakura?” Naruto twitched backwards. “What is that!?”

“Don’t you know perfection when you see it?” The toad batted his false lashes.

“Ignore him, Riki! Stall the other one!”

Realizing there was a purpose behind his summoning, Gamariki leapt into action, stepping into Kakashi’s path. “Give me a kiss, handsome!”

“No… that’s alright.” Kakashi seemed to smile uncomfortably, sidestepping the toad.

Placing a few laced senbon between her teeth, Sakura pulled her tantō. As Riki force Kakashi to the left, she dove. Smirking around the needles as several gray hairs were cut from Kakashi’s head, Sakura turned mid-air. His eyes widened as the senbon shot outward, one nicking his shoulder before he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

“You didn’t wait for me at all!” Naruto huffed, his shadowclones branching out. “Now we have to track him down.”

“Don’t worry.” Sheathing her blade, Sakura fell to sit cross-legged. “That senbon was laced with a mild form of poison that causes lethargy and delirium. He didn’t take a direct hit, so it will only slow him.”

“You’re meditating at a time like this?” Naruto yelled, reminding Sakura very much of the boy he had been when the team was formed.

Peeking open one eye, she smiled at him. “Trust me, Naruto. I have a plan. Riki, see if you can track Kakashi down and help the delirium along.”

“You got it, Sakura! Tracking down handsome men is a specialty of mine!”

With a breathy laugh, Sakura closed her eyes again. It was time to show her old sensei just how strong she had become.

This had been a mistake. Knowing how powerful Naruto was, Kakashi never stood a chance. Admittedly, he had just been curious as to how far Sakura had advanced. Her entire adolescence seemed to revolve around gaining strength, so he wanted to know how successful she had been. She was faster than he remembered – unnaturally so. Jiraiya had to have taught her more than just basic jutsu for Sakura to move like that – which meant that Kakashi would need to be creative in order to stop her.

Resting against a tree, he raised a hand to the thin cut at his shoulder. She had landed a hit – _almost_. He had been so distracted by that… toad? Whatever it was, it had taken Kakashi off guard. _Was it wearing lipstick?_ Sighing, Kakashi checked his surroundings. It was dusk now, so things would only get worse. His eyes weren’t what they used to be, especially the sharingan.

“Come here often, cutie?” A chill ran down Kakashi’s spine as he slowly turned his head to look at the made-up summon. “How about that smooch?”

He didn’t feel the kiss, so much as the results of it. Even as the heavy pink fog of the genjutsu registered, Kakashi was helpless to fight it. “Poison…” He realized, eyes blinking heavily. Sakura had _poisoned_ him. He’d be angry if he wasn’t so impressed at her nerve. She really hadn’t held back. “A poison working in tandem with a genjutsu…”

“That’s right.” He didn’t see her, but her voice was close. “You’re looking a little out of sorts, Sensei.” The mocking tone in her voice was new. What happened to the adoration?

He’d have to be creative, and he’d have to move fast. With a single breath, Kakashi released the genjutsu. Her chakra signal was above, closing in fast. Just as Sakura landed in front of him, Kakashi tugged down his mask. Her reaction was priceless. She stood shocked, her painted eyes and lips wide. _Those markings… Don’t tell me…_

While she was in his thrall, Kakashi took the opportunity to smile. The blush that spread across her cheeks was simply a fan for his ego. “You’ve mastered _Sage Mode_.” His voice was gentle, mostly due to the heavy poison. “I’m proud of you, Sakura. You’ve come so far.”

Biting her lip at the compliment, Sakura tucked her chin downward. Maybe it was also due to the poison, but something about her seemed… dream-like. She looked back up through long lashes, the odd pupils nearly hidden by the bright streaks of red around her eyes. She was almost wild like this – like a goddess of legend.

“Kakashi…” Her voice was small – almost as small as it had been that day at the memorial stone. “Has anyone ever told you… that you shouldn’t get distracted by a pretty face?”

The light chime of bells registered a moment before Naruto’s loud laugh. With a silent curse, Kakashi snatched his mask back up as the coloring faded from around Sakura’s eyes and smirking lips. She had turned his own trick on him. Or maybe, she had been in control the whole time. Thanks to her genjutsu, it was hard to tell.

“I can’t believe that worked!” Naruto high-fived Sakura. “Where did you learn that jutsu, Sakura?”

Jutsu? Had her hands even moved, or had she cast it while he was trapped in the genjutsu? His sharingan would have picked it up otherwise… “Genma.” She rolled her eyes. “You almost had me there.” Her eyes shone with pride and joy when she looked back to him. “I wasn’t expecting you to pull down your mask.”

“Wha- No fair!” Naruto whined, spinning on his heel to Kakashi. “How come _she_ got to see your face!?”

“I kissed a toad. Consider yourself the lucky one here.”

Sakura managed to control her expression until she was away from the boys. _Shit…_ The image of Kakashi’s smiling face wallpapered her mind. The sharp nose, the solitary dimple, the beauty mark on his squared jaw… _Shit_. She had been prepared to get over her crush. She had been doing _so_ well… and then he had the _nerve_ to look like _that_!

Chewing her lip in frustration, Sakura rapped on the old door. She’d never get that image out of her head now. Half asleep and half dressed, Genma pulled the door open and blinked down at her.

“Hey, brat. We didn’t have plans to meet up tonight.”

“I saw Kakashi’s face…” She said simply, no further explanation offered.

Smirked, Genma leaned against the doorframe. “So you came to sit on mine?” When she didn’t rise to the bait, he pushed the door open wider to allow her access. “His loss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Disclaimer** : MMM does not condone slut-shaming. Ino is just a petty betch.
> 
> We stan Gamariki!


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give excess info! :D**

**Four**

Sakura buried her face into the pillow that smelled vaguely of her perfume, and recognizable cologne. Even in the haze of waking, she knew it as Genma’s. If she still had doubts, the familiar hand roaming over her side and hips would have solidified her findings. Blinking against the heavy pull of sleep, Sakura yawned as his teeth caught the shell of her ear.

“No.” She offered simply, smirking when he groaned.

“You’re never as much fun in the mornings as you are at night.” He huffed, falling heavily back into the mattress. “Spoiled brat.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, grandpa.” Stretching, Sakura leaned down to procure Genma’s discarded Jōnin shirt, and slipped it over her head. “I should get out of here. You’ve got that date later, right?”

“Probably.” Half-propped against the headboard, Genma pulled a cigarette from his nightstand. Few people knew that he smoked, but it wasn’t all that surprising when she took his oral fixation into account. “What about you? Manage to reel Kakashi in yet?”

“I told you. I’m not trying to.”

“Whatever you say.” He smiled as a steady stream of smoke passed from his lips. “That’s why just seeing the man’s face had you running into my bed? You said his name, you know.”

“No I didn’t!” Sakura shot up, her heart racing. “You’re lying.”

“Only sort of – that’s the sad part. You got the first syllable out.” Genma chuckled as her eyes widened further. “If I actually cared, you would have hurt my feelings. Lucky for you, I’m heartless.”

“Oh? So I suppose you just stare at Shizune for fun?” Genma’s face pinched. Another secret no one knew – he was in love with Shizune, but terrified to do anything about it. “Truce?”

“Whatever.” Cold tone aside, he winked. Stubbing out his cigarette, Genma stood and stretched, completely comfortable in his nudity. “I’m gonna grab a shower. You’re welcome to join me.”

“Pass.” Sakura just wanted to get to Ino’s for a _real_ shower and clean clothes. Sliding her panties on under his insanely large shirt, Sakura stood. A loud knock from the front door sounded just as Genma slipped into the shower. “Someone’s at your door…”

“Can you get it? It’s probably just Kurenai. I owe her money.” Sakura’s protests were drowned out by Genma’s off-key singing.

Mumbling a string of insults, Sakura yanked the door open as another round of knocks sounded. Instead of Kurenai on the other side, Kakashi stood tall and shocked. Probably just as shocked as Sakura looked… but with the dignity of pants.

“Sensei…” She squeaked, mostly out of habit. “I was just…” _What?_ What could she _possibly_ finish that sentence with that would make the situation _less_ awkward?

When she didn’t continue, Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. “I – ah. I was looking for Genma. He asked me to meet him here?” _Traitorous asshole_. _Kurenai my ass!_

“Kakashi!” Genma chirped, exiting the bathroom in only a towel – drying his hair with another. “Sorry, I’m running a little behind.”

“I’m going to go put on pants…” Sakura mumbled as she turned on her heel, her face a bright red. Genma would _pay_.

Only a respectable twenty minutes late, Kakashi had knocked on Genma’s door in high spirits… and then it opened. If not for the distinctive pink of her hair, _this_ Sakura would be completely unrecognizable. The long strands, although familiar in color, hung in a tangled mess that spoke only of a woman well-fucked. And _fuck_ , Kakashi never wanted to apply that phrase to her. The red paint she wore under her eyes had been smudged, and her lips were swollen with what Kakashi hoped was sleep…

… and she was half naked.

Images from the _forbidden_ Icha Icha’s sprang to mind, especially when she blushed and attempted to run a hand through her hair. What was she doing here? _Stupid question_ – Kakashi mentally berated himself. That much was obvious. It seemed Genma continued to sleep with Kakashi’s ex-student, even upon her return. The shameless man in question made an appearance – nearly naked himself.

As Sakura excused herself, Kakashi’s irritation doubled. “You shouldn’t have let her answer the door like that.” It was only through years of practice that his tone remained even. “You embarrassed the poor girl. I would think you would treat your girlfriend with more respect.”

“It takes more than that to embarrass Sakura. If you had been anyone else, she wouldn’t have cared at all.” Kakashi ignored the way Genma’s words made his stomach clench. “And she’s not my girlfriend. We’re just fucking.”

Thankful that his mask hid his clenched teeth, Kakashi watched as Genma opened his fridge and drank milk straight from the carton. “Have you made that clear to Sakura? She’s not the type to just sleep with a man.” Her heart was far too big for that.

Replacing the milk, Genma gave Kakashi something akin to a pitying smile. “How would you know? Sakura isn’t the same teenager you knew, Hatake. She’s a grown woman now.” The words were almost taunting. And damn, if they weren’t working on him. “Sakura!” Genma called, his eyes not leaving Kakashi’s face. “Are you my girlfriend?”

“Get bent, Shiranui! You couldn’t pay me to date you!” Her frustrated voice called back.

“See?”

Genma turned to rummage through his fridge again, leaving a shocked Kakashi frozen behind him. How had the young girl that had blushed and giggled over everything Kakashi had said become… _this_? It wasn’t that Kakashi disliked the woman Sakura had seemingly become… it was that she had become a _woman_. She was attractive, and feisty, and strong – just as strong as she had always longed to be.

And Kakashi was _attracted_ to her.

The realization was enough to make him ball his fists within his pockets. Being physically attracted to the woman that had once been his student was practically perverse. Especially when he thought of how badly she had wanted his attention as a young Genin. Never in his time as her teacher, did Kakashi consider that he would ever view her in this light. And maybe if she hadn’t gone away for so long, he wouldn’t.

Slipping into the nearest chair, Kakashi pretended to read one of the safe Icha Icha books. He could handle a little attraction. There was no reason to beat himself up over it. All that mattered was that he didn’t act on it.

Sakura hadn’t stopped smiling since the Hokage ceremony. The hat suited Naruto so well, it was almost as if he _was_ born to fill the role. He had even grown his hair out for the occasion, looking very much like Minato. She silently wondered if that was the point. Now, he sat behind the large desk, an edge of seriousness on his usually playful features.

“You wanted to see me, Lord Sixth?” She bit her lip to suppress a laugh as his face turned a deep red.

“Come on, Sakura. You know you don’t have to call me that.” He ducked his head momentarily. “We’re just waiting on-“

A puff of smoke signaled Kakashi’s arrival as he crouched on the sill of the open window. “Yo.” His visible eye crinkled. “Sorry I’m late. I was on my way here when-“

“Liar!” Sakura and Naruto chorused, exchanging a quick smile. When it was the three of them, it was easy for Sakura to forget that so much time had passed.

“Now that you’re _both_ here.” Naruto gave Kakashi a pointed look as the older man lowered himself into the room. “I have a mission for you.”

“Both of us?” Kakashi asked. His tone didn’t exactly convey joy. Pressing away the unwanted hurt, Sakura reached for the folder Naruto held out.

“Well… yeah? I thought that with Sakura back…”

“If Kakashi doesn’t want to go, I can ask Genma.” Sakura focused on the words in front of her, hoping desperately that she sounded surer than she felt. Even if she had planned on ignoring her feelings for Kakashi, it still hurt that he couldn’t even stand to be around her.

“I have no problem with it.” The man slouched, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I was just surprised. It’s been a while since I’ve taken anything but a solo mission.” He excused.

“Well, this is an S-Ranked.” Naruto nodded towards the folder. “It was originally assigned to ANBU, but it felt like a waste of resources to send them.”

Naruto’s startling maturity aside, he was right. “You just want us to inspect one of Orochimaru’s abandoned hideouts?”

“It’s not just an inspection. ANBU hasn’t had the chance to sweep it, so it’ll be covered with traps.”

“Are we sure it’s abandoned?” Kakashi pressed to Sakura’s side to look down at the folder, his woodsy scent surrounding her. It was just as intoxicating as she remembered.

“We’re… fairly sure.” Naruto’s professional façade broke with his nervous grin. “I wanted to send you two because I know what you’re capable of. I can trust you to do this and handle whatever you find.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem.” Sakura nodded once, snapping the folder closed and handing it to Kakashi. “I’ll meet you at the gate by sunrise.”

“Please don’t have sex in my bed.” Sakura nearly groaned as she stopped her packing to look at Jiraiya. He had decided to stay in the village for a while, so Sakura agreed to let him take the spare room of her new place.

“Why would I have sex in your bed when you’ve given me my own?” He stopped his lewd sketching to eye her.

“Because you’re an old pervert.” Pulling her pack on, Sakura gave him a small smile. “This will be the most time we’ve spent away from each other in almost a decade.”

Returning her smile, Jiraiya placed a large hand on top of her head – the way he had done when she was younger. “I’ll be here when you return. Don’t forget everything I’ve taught you, girlie. I won’t have you sullying my reputation by dying on me.”

Without a second thought, Sakura moved to wrap her arms around his middle, breathing a short laugh when he froze before returning the hug. “I’ll be safe.”

Thanks to Kakashi’s usual tardiness, the duo got an even later start than Sakura had accounted for. While they were supposed to head out at sunrise, it was nearly eleven when they finally left the village. Instead of yelling at his excuse involving a rampant pack of puppies, Sakura merely rolled her eyes and declared that they had to get going.

She had expected some awkwardness – maybe even a flare of the sexual tension she had always felt in his presence, but it was… okay. When she had been younger, Kakashi’s disregard for her had been a marker of sorts. It meant that she had to get stronger – that she wasn’t worth his time yet. Now, as an adult, it was resolute. Although he had excused his hesitation to take this mission on having a partner at all, Sakura wasn’t an idiot. She saw the way he had looked at her since finding her in Genma’s home. It was like he was ashamed of her – like he was _disappointed_. Maybe, in a lot of ways, Kakashi never stopped seeing her as his young student. If that hadn’t changed by now, it probably never would.

There would always be a part of Sakura that held a torch for her old sensei, but she couldn’t pretend there was a future for her that held him beyond the capacity of friend. She had been so sure of her love in her younger years, but that had been a different Sakura. Not to mention, a different Kakashi. She couldn’t love the man at her side, because she knew nothing about him. It was a conclusion that would spare Sakura any further heartache, she was sure. She was proud of who she had become. Any man that she had to beg for wasn’t the one for her.

“You’ve been quiet.” Kakashi offered up a few hours into their trip. He had pulled out an unlabeled book as soon as they left the village, so Sakura had left him to his reading. “I expected you to talk my ear off.” He gave her a playful smile.

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt the need to fill silences.” Her smile was forced. Even though she had given up on him romantically, it was annoying that he refused to see her as she was instead of who she had been. “My _Sage_ training required a lot of stillness and silence.”

“I didn’t mean it as an insult.” He countered. Perhaps her tone wasn’t as light as she had aimed for. “I always enjoyed the way you kept the conversation flowing. I think that if it were just me and the boys, the only sound would be Naruto’s yelling.”

She snorted, knowing that he was right. His words conjured images of their early missions. That felt like a lifetime ago… “I saw Sasuke a few weeks ago.”

“Oh?” This seemed to get his attention. _It’s always been Sasuke and Naruto that held your interest, hasn’t it?_ “He’s trying to find Orochimaru too. I know we’re supposed to bring him in, but…”

“Probably best we don’t tell Naruto.” Kakashi offered up when she didn’t continue. “I’ve been meaning to ask… How did you manage _Sage Mode_?”

Surprised at the unexpected question, Sakura smiled. “Well, it all started with a vat of oil and a bunch of toads…” 

The story of her _Sage_ training didn’t exactly paint Sakura in the best light, but she told it anyway. Every fall, every failing night, every setback. She told him about how she almost _was_ a toad, and of how she had promptly gotten her ass handed to her in a fight after unlocking _Sage Mode_. To her (cursed) delight, Kakashi listened attentively. He asked questions and congratulated her on her success again. Even if she hadn’t trained to impress him, his praise still made her stomach erupt in butterflies.

“We should probably stop for the night.” He sighed once they came to a small clearing in the woods. They would be in Wind Country soon, which meant never-ending sand.

The sun had set about two hours ago, but Sakura hadn’t thought of stopping. Jiraiya had always been one to press through if the promise of scantily clad women waited at the end. “I’ll set up camp if you cook.”

“I think that’s fair.”

Setting down her pack, Sakura unclipped one of the scroll holders at her side. She had learned long ago that it was best to pack only what she could seal in a scroll. The tent was small, but that made it easier to set up. Since she and Kakashi would be sleeping in shifts, it didn’t really seem important to pack more than one. Once it was set up and sturdy, Sakura withdrew a second scroll that held extra items. A sleeping bag and clean drinking water were the only things of real importance. The rest were trivial items that Sakura liked, but didn’t necessarily need.

It was out of habit that she removed her weapon pouches and shirt without thinking. Although her half-top was functional and well, cute, it wasn’t the best thing to sleep in. The first time she slept in her bindings in front of Jiraiya, she worried that he would say something untoward. As it turned out, Sakura was very much _not_ his type. Although more blessed in the chest and backside regions than she had been in her younger years, Sakura’s build was still athletic. Decades of relentless training had hardened her body, leaving lean muscle in its place. Besides, Jiraiya had come to view her as a daughter. She wasn’t sure where that left them, considering her vague likeness had been used in the last three books he’d written.

Task complete, Sakura turned only to find Kakashi staring at her. “Oh…” She glanced down at the simple white bandage bindings. Everything of importance was securely covered. “Does it make you uncomfortable? It’s a force of habit.”

“No.” He shook his head. It was with a small pang of disappointment that Sakura realized he didn’t look at her with the same hunger Genma had. “Your back…”

“Ah.” She nodded, knowing exactly where he was going. Years of fighting and training had left her body covered in scars. Most weren’t anything more than a raised sliver, but the one that traveled from her shoulder to hip was particularly grotesque. “That.”

She had been ashamed of that particular scar at first – often covering her back with her hair. Over the years, she’d come to accept it for what it was. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you get it?”

She blinked at the boldness of his question. No one had ever been brave enough to ask outright. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll tell you my war story if you tell me yours.” She looked pointedly at his covered eye. It was something she had always been curious about.

Moving the rice from the fire, Kakashi shrugged. “Fair enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoy this weird sort of balance Sakura and Genma have. They’re best friends, and they obviously love each other [as such], but to anyone else, they would look like enemies. 
> 
> Having Kakashi walk in on her was just a spur of the moment thing, but I like that it was what kind of clicked in his mind. Like oh shit – Sakura’s hot! 
> 
> I really enjoy having Sakura’s mature side coming through as we get into these chapters. Don’t get me wrong, bitch is still thirsty af, but she’s better at hiding it xD
> 
> You’ll notice throughout I write sage as _Sage_ and sage mode as _Sage Mode._ Is this grammatically correct? I have no idea. But it feels right…


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

** Five **

Handing Sakura a bowl of the simple stir-fry, Kakashi unceremoniously tugged down his mask. Because she was sure she’d combust if she kept looking directly at his face, Sakura’s eyes fell to her own food. _A lifetime of hiding his face, and now he’s so casual about it…_

“It was right before Obito died.” It took everything in Sakura not to choke on her food at how bluntly he began. She knew a bit about Obito and Rin from the stories he told, but nothing personal beyond their names. Despite the effect she knew it would have on her, she looked to his face. “It was a random ninja… I’m not even sure I can remember what he looked like anymore. He was invisible, and I wasn’t able to sense him back then. If Obito hadn’t unlocked his sharingan, he might have taken more than just my eye.”

Even though the sharingan obviously didn’t belong to Kakashi, Sakura never really thought about what led to him obtaining it. It wasn’t simply a substitution. Kakashi had _lost his eye._ “How old were you?”

Kakashi stirred his food before taking a thoughtful bite. The way his chopsticks pressed against his full bottom lip made Sakura bite her own. “Thirteen. I didn’t even really react at the time. I was so focused on everything around me. By the time it really sank in, Obito was gone and I had his eye.”

“I’m sorry.” She sighed for lack of anything better to say. It had to be horrible to not only carry a reminder of his deceased friend around, but to be _known_ for it.

“It was a long time ago.” But the way his eyes and voice seemed to trail off told Sakura that the hurt was still there.

Deciding to distract him with her own story, Sakura took a final bite of her food. “Jiraiya and I were in Lightning. He had just finished a book and decided that the best way to celebrate would be with a _massage_.” Kami help her when Kakashi gave her a crooked smile. “We were just checking into a hotel when Jiraiya recognized one of the men outside as a missing nin from Suna. The man was nearly twice my size _and_ had friends with him.

“We settled on letting Cloud know about his presence, but then the guy decided to get handsy with some of the staff. Needless to say, the hotel lobby turned into a full-on war zone.”

“So the missing nin did that to your back?”

“Patience.” Sakura chided, flushing lightly when Kakashi’s sparkling eyes were joined once again by a crooked smile. “While Jiraiya fought our not-so-friendly giant, I took on a couple of his friends. They were weak enough – not even shinobi from what I could tell.

I had two knocked out and was finishing with the last one when the woman they had been harassing – Yui, the receptionist – decided that she wasn’t going to leave all the fun to us. She picked up the coatrack by the front desk – a beautiful antique with sharp bronze hooks in the shape of leaves-“

“Oh no…” He was full on smiling now, and Sakura couldn’t help but find it contagious.

“Oh no, indeed. See, her intentions were pure. She wanted to knock the last man out to give me a hand. Only, Yui wasn’t a shinobi. She was a receptionist. About halfway through her swing, she realized that this was a _real_ fight. Unable to stop, but unable to witness her own actions, she brought the coatrack down with her eyes completely closed.” A breathy laugh passed through Sakura’s lips as Kakashi’s boisterous one bounced off the trees around them. “And that’s the story of my worst scar. I was mauled by a receptionist named Yui.”

“Poor Yui.”

“Poor me!” Sakura scoffed. “At least I always have a free room at the hotel.”

Discarding his own bowl, Kakashi watched her in amusement, no indication that he planned on covering his face again. “Why didn’t you heal it? It looks like it scarred naturally.”

“Ah.” She sighed with a shrug. “I don’t know any medical ninjutsu, and either does Jiraiya. By the time we made it to The Hidden Cloud, it was closed.”

“Medical ninjutsu can still be used to lessen the scar.” His brows furrowed at the fact that she hadn’t known as much. “Does it limit your movement?”

Kakashi had forgotten, as strange as it was. He wasn’t sure exactly how, but as Sakura told him her story, he forgot that she was _Sakura_. He didn’t see the blushing girl from all those years ago, but an impish woman whose full lips pulled into a secret smile. Kakashi realized with a start that this was probably the first adult conversation they had ever had. Maybe that was his fault. She seemed perfectly willing to treat him as an equal since her return.

“Not really.” She shrugged at his question, pulling her plump bottom lip between her teeth. “The skin is a little tighter, and obviously _uglier_ , but I haven’t had problems with it in years.

“Turn around.” _What?_

“What?” She echoed his own thoughts with a skeptical look.

 _I’m in it now…_ “I used my sharingan to copy some of the medical ninjutsu Tsunade taught Naruto. I’m no medic, but something like surface scar tissue should be easy enough.”

The way she eyed him made Kakashi feel like he had just tried to use a bad pickup line on her. _It wasn’t…_ he was pretty sure it wasn’t. Now that he and Sakura were getting along and finding their footing, he’d hate to ruin their budding friendship. Turning, Sakura pulled the curtain of pink she had released from its tie earlier in the day over her shoulders. Berating himself internally, Kakashi moved so that he was sitting behind her, leaving enough space so that he could still keep his mind clear.

“It might sting. It should feel warm, but if it starts to burn, let me know.”

She snorted. “Sorry. Genma’s a bad influence.”

 _Yes, he is._ Kakashi thought of the man’s implications. He didn’t know what was worse. The fact that Genma continued to sleep with Sakura while accusing Kakashi of being jealous, or the fact that he was right. Channeling his chakra into the pointer and middle finger of his right hand, Kakashi brought them down to the tip of Sakura’s scar.

“Oh!” She nearly flinched before catching herself.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” She nodded shallowly. “It tingles.”

The raised skin was smooth under his fingers, puckering more violently as he moved from her shoulder towards her spine. He wouldn’t be able to completely rid her of the scar, but he could make it less brutal. Kakashi listened to her breathing as he continued on, the few inches of skin he’d covered substantially smoother. It was even – controlled. When he reached the top of her bindings, he paused.

“I might be able to heal through the bindings, but without seeing it, I can’t promise it’ll be as smooth as the rest.”

She seemed to think about his words before nonchalantly twisting at the waist, reaching for the holster at Kakashi’s thigh. Her thin fingers slipped inside without hesitation or any signs of embarrassment. Withdrawing a kunai, Sakura returned to her previous position before wordlessly cutting her bindings away, leaving Kakashi gobsmacked when they practically fell into his lap. With the long strands of cherry-blossom keeping her covered from him, she almost reminded him of a mermaid. “The worst is over my spine.” She claimed, glancing over her shoulder. The deep mint of her eye sent the blood rushing away from Kakashi’s brain.

“Yeah…” He cleared his throat as his fingers began to move again. She was right. It looked like a creature had mangled her. “The bone is closer to the surface here. The _tingling_ might be worse.” Kakashi hoped that in teasing her, he could gain some footing in the situation.

The work was tedious, though not necessarily delicate. When he reached the center of Sakura’s back, she shivered. He was about to ask if she was okay when it hit him – the scent of her arousal. Unintentionally, Kakashi held his breath for a long moment as the surprise washed over him. He should stop… he shouldn’t keep touching her like this… he _shouldn’t_ be at full mast because she smelled positively _edible_. Instead, Kakashi doubled his chakra flow.

Sakura’s head hung heavy as his fingers continued on, no longer looking at the scar under them. She was getting off on the feel of _his_ chakra. When a small, almost inaudible whimper passed her lips, Kakashi closed his eyes. If he were a lesser man, he’d have given in to his urge to bend her over and take her right then and there.

Another shiver wracked Sakura’s body as her breathing became labored. “Sakura…” He nearly groaned her name. “Do you want me to stop?”

Her body stilled for only a second before resuming its small dance. Kakashi had finished his work about two minutes prior, but couldn’t bring himself to stop. His free hand moved to the front of his pants, squeezing firmly before readjusting himself. He wouldn’t pleasure himself, but it would be unfair to leave her wanting… especially when she was making those delectable sounds again.

Instead of attempting to voice an answer, Sakura shook her downturned head. Maybe it was out of pleasure, maybe it was shame. Of all the things Kakashi wanted a woman to feel at his touch, shame was never one of them. But this wasn’t normal, was it? They weren’t acknowledging what was happening, so he couldn’t exactly coax her into a better state of mind.

Instead, Kakashi channeled his chakra into his whole hand, pressing it to her cool skin. Sakura small cry was nearly enough to undo his self-control. His hand moved slowly over her spine, a heavy coal eye watching as she bowed and shook with the movement. Her scent surrounded him – intoxicated him.

“Almost there…” He didn’t want to say too much and scare Sakura off. She was his ex-student… a woman… The two versions of her battled in his mind as her long fingers tangled in the grass at her sides. It was wrong to get her off… it was wrong to leave her needing. _This one time_ – Kakashi reasoned in his mind. He would give her this. And as a reward for his self-control, he’d jerk himself raw as soon as she was asleep.

Sakura’s muffled release was a thing of beauty. Her back seized and her head lifted just high enough for Kakashi to catch a glimpse of her swollen bottom lip. Had she been biting it this whole time in an attempt to not cry out? He adjusted himself again.

When the tension in her body gave way to small shivers, Kakashi reluctantly removed his hand. “There.” He forced the word out despite the huskiness of his voice. “Much better.”

Even though she and Kakashi had come to a silent agreement to not talk about what had happened the previous night, Sakura still felt mortified. Had he known? _Of course_ he had known! The only way it would have been more obvious was if Sakura had screamed his name during climax! But this morning, he had simply greeted her as if nothing had happened. Maybe it was a common reaction?

 _Kami_ , she was a mess. She came apart in his hands like a virgin! Maybe Kakashi not mentioning it was just him being polite? _So much for him seeing me as an adult…_ Nearly sighing, she looked up from the map. They were getting close now, which meant that Sakura would have something else to focus on other than her emotional suicide.

“The entrance should be around here somewhere.” She handed him the scroll to avoid getting too close. They still had a few days left to the mission, which meant a few more days of mentally reliving her embarrassment. “I could go into _Sage Mode_. It’ll increase my sensory abilities, but it would also leave less chakra in the event we run into trouble.”

“Considering ANBU hasn’t cleared the place, we should probably try to conserve as much chakra as we can.” He seemed to frown behind his mask as he surveyed the endless sand.

Because she was a masochist, Sakura couldn’t help herself. “Kakashi… are we okay?”

Catching her gaze, he paused before giving her a light smile. It didn’t seem fake, so that was a good sign. “Yeah. We’re okay.”

 _Good…_ That was good. They could move forward on building their friendship. She nodded quickly before looking back to the horizon. It would just be one of those things they didn’t talk about. And really, there was nothing _to_ talk about. Although it was mortifying for her, nothing had _actually_ happened between them. She’d overcome worse in her life… possibly.

“There!” She called, catching the billowing of a small flag near a dune. “I think that’s it.”

The main door had been held closed with basic seals, but that appeared to be the only precaution taken. Maybe it was a good thing… maybe it was a warning sign. Even if Orochimaru had vacated the place, he wouldn’t just leave the front door unlocked. As Sakura and Kakashi followed the narrow passageway downward, the temperature dropped steadily. Against her protests, Kakashi had closed his good eye and let the sharingan lead the way. Equipped with only a small flashlight clipped onto one of her belts, Sakura had no choice but to accept his leadership.

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” She whispered into the damp darkness. “It’s more like being in a sewer than a hideout.”

“It’s possible that this was just a decoy base, but the whole thing is unsettling.” His voice was just as soft. “Maybe I should summon Pakkun.”

“You sure that’s a good idea? He might have a harder time navigating this place than we do.”

Kakashi simply hummed in agreement as they turned another corner. They had to be at least three kilometers underground now. Just when Sakura considered suggesting they turn around, Kakashi came to a sudden stop. Crashing ungracefully into his back, Sakura frowned. Composing herself, she waited for an explanation. Instead, Kakashi sniffed the air around them.

“What is it?” Realizing her fist was still balled in the back of his vest, Sakura forced herself to let go.

“Blood.” Frowning, Kakashi looked over his shoulder to her. “I smell blood.” With no more explanation, he followed his sense of smell further into the darkness.

“Wait!” Sakura breathed. “Let me activate _Sage Mode_ before we go any further!”

“The blood doesn’t smell fresh. I’d rather you saved it.”

Uneasily, Sakura moved to follow him. She could handle herself well enough without the form, but in a tight spot, it would be hard to call upon. Bypassing three doors, Kakashi only stopped when he reached an old one that sat half off its hinges. When his sharingan fell to Sakura, she drew her tantō.

Slowly, eerily, the door swung open. The lone figure in the large stone room was a sight that took her breath away. _It can’t be…_ As shock and panic ripped through her, Kakashi found his voice.

“S-sensei?”

Minato’s haunting eyes rose to the pair. “Kakashi… I hoped it wouldn’t be you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having Yui be the source behind Sakura’s scar was a last-minute change. Originally, it was going to be the big baddie that gave Sakura the scar. As I wrote it, I hated how it played to their developing relationship. It was just so sad and heavy. Even though Kakashi ridding Sakura of her scar was going to be this big emotional thing, the whole chapter just… sucked tbh.
> 
> Having him heal her and her be all sad/angry just didn’t do much for the progress of their relationship. Having Sakura be playful and joke around with Kakashi was 100000X more effective. Of course, we had to add some sizzle to the healing scene for tension’s sake ;D
> 
> Minato was _kind_ of planned? I knew I wanted them to find something down there, but the whole Minato thing – I’m gonna keep it 100% with you guys – it’s kind of a mess. If I didn’t have plans to expand the plot on it, I probably would have removed it sooner. Like I said in my original AN, I suck at fight scenes. Please forgive me for what I make you read with your own two eyes.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

** Six **

Kakashi was surprised that he had even managed to speak. At first, he almost thought Naruto stood in front of him. But then he remembered… _Orochimaru’s reanimation jutsu_. So, this really was Minato… to an extent.

“Kakashi… I hoped it wouldn’t be you…” His old sensei gave a weary smile. “I’ve been waiting for a Leaf shinobi for seven months. I knew after the first two that you would probably be the one to eventually show up. It always seemed to work that way…”

“Kakashi… What’s going on?” Sakura still gripped her tantō tightly, momentarily reminding Kakashi of their first mission against Zabuza. Unlike then, the small woman took a bold step forward, her eyes narrowed. She wasn’t the little girl that had to hide behind him anymore. Given that he wasn’t sure how this would play out, he was thankful.

“Orochimaru’s reanimation jutsu.” At Kakashi’s reply, Minato smiled sadly.

“He let me retain my mind – a new trick he’s been working on. Make no mistake, I’m nothing more than a puppet.”

“Why?” Kakashi’s top lip curled in a snarl. “Why you? Why now?”

“My job is to send a message back to Konoha. He’s coming. He’s going to take the village, or destroy it trying…” A small, pained sound rose in Minato’s throat. “And that only one messenger will be needed.” Raising his hands in a quick series of signs, Kakashi’s old sensei met his eyes one last time. “I’m sorry.”

He reached to yank Sakura back, but it was too late. A large stone wall separated them, pressing Kakashi back through the open door, and locking Sakura on the other side with Minato.

“Sakura!”

As Minato straightened, Sakura slowly sheathed her tantō. “Please don’t put your weapon away.” He spoke with sincerity. “The only reason I haven’t attacked yet is because Orochimaru left me with the orders to drag this out.” The pain was clear on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She breathed, cursing herself for not entering _Sage Mode_ earlier. Now, there was very little chance of her being able to do so on her own. Minato was already stalking around the room like a prowling cat. “You know, I was Naruto’s teammate. He looks a lot like you…”

Countering his steps, Sakura slowly opened the last scroll pouch she carried, allowing it to fall into her palm. She hated to use it – it felt like a cheat. _It can’t be helped_. “Really?” Minato was nearly breathless. She didn’t want to be the one to fight him. To have to report back to Naruto… “How is he?”

Even as he spoke, the reanimated man drew his kunai. “He’s Hokage.” Focusing on the unraveling scroll and not his proud smile, Sakura bit her thumb. “Summoning jutsu!”

He was across the room in a flash – which she should have expected, given his title. Rolling, Sakura tried to block out the sound of Kakashi calling her name as Fukasaku and Shima settled on her shoulders. “You’re a Sage?” Minato asked in genuine surprise as he swiped at her head with the blades.

“Minato Namikaze?” Shima nearly cried as Sakura backed up again. “I thought you were dead!”

“He is!” Sakura hissed as Minato flashed again, catching her exposed side with his blade. “I can’t switch modes on my own and dodge him. I need your help!”

“You got it, Sakura!” The toad on her opposite shoulder declared before exchanging a look with his wife.

As Sakura focused on the energy around her, the _Sage_ toads screamed in unison. “Sage Art: Frog Call!”

Their sonic croaks were only able to slow Minato down, but it was enough for Sakura to partially shift forms. Jumping backwards as far as the room would allow, she brought her hands up in a series of signs. “Sage Art: Botanical Coffin!”

Thick, thorn-covered vines sprang from her palms - cherry blossoms blooming along the length of them. One managed to wrap around Minato’s ankle, but he dodged the other. “Very impressive.” He complimented, despite the way he tried to cut at the other. “But you can’t kill me like this. You’ll need to seal me.”

Fukasaku and Shima settled back on Sakura’s shoulders, their faces grim. “I don’t know any sealing jutsu…” She admitted with a grunt. It was taking most of her focus to keep the flowering vine moving up his leg.

“We’ll take care of it.” Shima’s tiny face hardened. “I’m sorry to do this, Minato.”

“Don’t be.” He nearly smiled as the vine wrapped around his waist. “I’ve gotten more than I deserved here today. Orochimaru wasn’t paying enough attention. He’ll probably be angry after this. It’ll be worse when he finally makes his move.” 

As Fukasaku and Shima began their jutsu, a section of Minato’s wall crumbled away. Bright shocks of chirping lightning danced around the edges of the new hole, a panting Kakashi standing within. He spoke to her – she could almost make out the words over the chanting of the toads on her shoulders. Grunting, Sakura fought with the vine as Fukasaku and Shima finished, moving to slap a tag against the Forth Hokage’s forehead.

Just before Minato’s likeness faded, he gave Kakashi a small smile.

The camp they made was hasty, but it would do for the night. When Kakashi pointed out that Sakura was still bleeding – the first thing he had said in hours – she was forced to stop. Although he offered to heal her, Sakura knew that Kakashi was still low on chakra. That… and the last time he’d done it left her weary.

Using the bandages that were usually reserved for binding, Sakura wrapped her torso tightly. The cut wasn’t deep, but her constant movement kept reopening it. In front of the small campfire they had built, Kakashi hunched over a blank scroll.

“What are you doing?” She had tried to leave him alone as they ran, knowing that seeing his old sensei again couldn’t have been easy. But the silence had stretched on for too long, and Sakura was beginning to worry.

“I’m trying to figure out how to write this mission report…” With a deep sigh, Kakashi rolled the scroll back up and ran a hand through his hair. “There’s no good way to break this to him, is there?”

Frowning, Sakura tied off her bandages and sank down on the overturned log next to Kakashi. “Maybe it would be best not to put it in writing at all…” Poking the wild hare meat above the fire, Sakura frowned. “How are _you_ , though? Naruto will only have to hear about it… you had to live it.”

Staring into the dancing flames, Kakashi responded with a shallow shrug. “I froze. If I hadn’t hesitated, I would have been in there with you.”

“Don’t let Fukasaku and Shima’s size fool you.” She nudged his arm with her own. “They’re small, but they’re great backup.” Slowly, her smile fell. “And I’m glad it was just me. I wouldn’t want you to have to do that – to fight him. If it was me, and you were…” She couldn’t even imagine having to fight a reanimated Kakashi.

What must it have been like for Minato? To see Kakashi again after all these years? It shouldn’t have been Sakura that fought him. It should have been Kakashi that laid him to rest once again. “That would be different.” He sighed, unable to help his somber mood. “Minato was like a father to me. I was never very much help to you.”

He tried to play the statement off as a joke, but when he turned to look at Sakura, he found her livid. “You’re a fucking idiot!” The declaration was so unexpected from Sakura that Kakashi might have _literally_ gasped – not that he’d ever admit it. “I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today without you.”

That might have been a bit generous. “I only taught you until you were fourteen, Sakura. You always had such a drive for knowledge and strength. I’m sure you would have achieved your goals with any other sensei.”

She seemed to debate with herself, her mouth opening and closing twice before making up her mind. “Look… I’m sure that you know that I had… a _bit_ of a crush on you back then…”

“A bit?” Kakashi couldn’t help but tease as her face reddened.

With a half-hearted glare, she continued. “I learned about you during my time at the academy. I was taken with your accolades.” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “What can I say? Twelve year old girls don’t have the best judgement.”

“No, no. Tell me more about how much you worshiped me.”

This time, she punched his arm instead of nudging it. “My _point_ is that the only reason I tried so hard – the only reason I coveted that strength was… because I wanted to be worth your attention and time.”

As misguided as the intent was, it touched Kakashi’s heart. He hadn’t realized that he was the drive behind her ambition. “I-I had no idea…”

Moving to pull their dinner from the fire, Sakura shrugged. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad. You handled the situation as well as anyone could. I told you because I meant what I said.” Smiling, she looked over her shoulder to him. “I wouldn’t be where I am without your influence. So, thank you… really.”

Sakura wasn’t sure which look broke her heart more. The look on Naruto’s face when she relayed what had happened, or the look on Jiraiya’s when she had reiterated the story – having forgot that he was once Minato’s sensei. All in all, it was a good day to hide away from the world. Of course, hiding alone wasn’t possible within village walls.

“Stop hogging the cookie dough, brat.” Genma snatched the carton from her hands. He had come over for a ‘homecoming’, but upon seeing her mood, retreated only to return an hour later with snacks and movies.

“I’m the upset one here, asshole!” Despite how much they argued, Genma was probably Sakura’s best friend. It was an odd kind of relationship, but it worked for them. At the end of the day, they just decided it was better to be alone together. 

“Oh boohoo, you got off from Kakashi touching you.”

“I meant the Minato thing, but _thank you_ for reminding me about that.” Tossing one of her throw pillows at his face, Sakura snatched back the carton while he was distracted. “You’re just pissy because Shizune is going out with that doctor from the hospital.”

“He’s an _intern_.” Genma spat, as if that diminished the man’s appeal. “And I wouldn’t call a first date ‘going out’.”

Snorting around her spoon, Sakura willingly handed him the ice cream this time. “Just ask her out!”

“She thinks I’m a playboy. Apparently, I _have a reputation_.” He was pouting now.

“Wonder where she got that idea.”

“Listen here, brat! You’re not complaining when you’re on the receiving end!”

“Not at all.” She admitted with a shrug. “I’m not saying that your reputation isn’t well-earned.” This ebbed his anger a bit. “Maybe you should try treating her differently? Start by sending her a gift.”

“A gift?” He seemed skeptical. “Like… lingerie?”

“You’re hopeless.”

This was a bad idea… Sakura was upset, but no more so than was to be expected after such a mission. Besides, Kakashi wasn’t even sure if she needed dinner. Sighing, the man looked to the takeout bag in his hands. When was the last time _he_ bought _someone else_ a meal? _Well, it’s done now…_

Just as he raised a gloved hand to knock on her door, it was yanked open to reveal a startled Genma. _Again? I’m beginning to forget whose house is whose._ “Kakashi.” Recovering from his shock, Genma smiled around his senbon. “What brings you here?”

“Ah... Sakura seemed upset after the mission… I thought she might not have thought about dinner.” Thankfully, his mask covered the heat he felt rushing to his face. Was he _blushing!?_

“So you brought her dinner?” The other man glanced at the bag and then Kakashi’s face. “Like… a gift?”

It was more of a friendly gesture, but Genma could call it whatever he wanted if it ended their conversation. “I suppose.”

Another half-smile. “You know… If you ask me to, I’ll back off.”

Frustration rose in Kakashi’s throat. Frustration at the other man for even sleeping with Sakura. Frustration at the fact that he would even suggest such a thing… Frustration at _himself_ for being tempted to say the words. Sakura was attractive – Kakashi could admit that much. And yes, a primal part of him had enjoyed her small noises of pleasure at his touch… but there could never be anything between them. Even if Sakura was a woman now, she was someone precious to him. Casual sex wouldn’t end well – not when he was just learning to be her friend. He couldn’t risk stirring her old feelings. Besides, she was his ex-student. There were some lines that shinobi couldn’t cross.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kakashi feigned ignorance, even as Genma chewed on his senbon thoughtfully.

“Well, I was just on my way out. I’ve been watching chick-flicks for the last six hours, and there’s only so much a man can take without the promise of getting laid.” Tilting his head to the side, Genma watched him. “I was gonna heal her side before I left. She’s too stubborn to go to the hospital. Unless you want to do it?”

Did he know? Had Sakura told him about what had happened in the woods? No – there was no way. He would have taunted Kakashi the moment he had opened the door. But that left the question hanging in the air between them. _Did_ Kakashi want to risk another response like that from Sakura? He had promised himself that it would be a one-time thing. That his perverse pleasure would be locked away.

“Yeah. I’ll take care of it.” His traitorous mouth offered before he could think better of it.

With a clap on the arm, Genma slid past him. “Great!” Pausing, he looked seriously back at Kakashi. “Sakura’s a brat, but she’s also my best friend. That means I’ll always be around – just so you know.” He said nearly ominously. “But I meant what I said, Hatake. Just say the word.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter has a lot of jumping around, but I’m just so desperate to show what they both thinking at all times! Lol
> 
> Genma and Sakura’s relationship wasn’t actually supposed to go this deep. It was supposed to be a one-time thing that they both got over. As I wrote, I thought it would be a fun point of conflict for Genma and Kakashi to kind of have this standoff, but then Sakura and Genma developed this real friendship. It reminds me a lot of canon Sakura/Ino.
> 
> It brought up a whole new layer of conflict where Genma would always be part of Sakura’s life. So even if she started dating someone else, they would have to deal with a man (that was essentially an ex) being around all the time.
> 
> I adore the fact that Genma still calls her a brat. It kind of grounds Sakura as a character. Just like he was the only one that treated her as an equal in her younger years, he’s the only one that still sees her for the way that she was. While Kakashi is yo-yoing between Young!Sakura vs Adult!Sakura, Genma accepts right away that she’s both.
> 
> As much love as there is between them, it could never be romantic though. It’s a pure love born of years of friendship. There might have been a time when Sakura considered dating Genma (or vice versa), but it would have been forced. Because they’re both 100% clear on where they stand, it’s always easy between them.
> 
> A closer look at Sakura's top/scroll holders
> 
> Also, unrelated, but I vow that in my next fic, I will [finally remember to] write the fan favorite 'pushup scene'. 


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Seven**

Spreading out once Genma vacated the couch, Sakura flipped through the channels until she came to a movie that didn’t seem to be centered around the upcoming cooler season. It wasn’t that she hated the holidays, it was that it had been years since she really celebrated any. Holiday traditions were non-existent with Jiraiya – unless she counted the holiday spirits of the alcoholic variety.

The front door closed behind Genma, but a familiar chakra signal made Sakura twist in her seat. “Kakashi?” She called a moment before he appeared. Thinking instantly of her messy bun and baggy pajama bottoms, Sakura frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yo.” His lone visible eye crinkled. “I brought dinner. Figured that if I wasn’t in the mood to cook, you wouldn’t be either.” He held up the bag as evidence.

“That was thoughtful.” She smiled and moved over to make room on the couch for him.

This friend thing – although not her first choice – was working out well for Sakura… for now. She enjoyed their growing closeness, but also knew that it was only a matter of time before the things she learned drew her in all over again. _No_! She wasn’t a hormonal teenager anymore. She could control herself, damn it!

“We’ll eat in a minute. I’m going to heal your side first.” _Strike that_.

With a laugh that spoke of the awkwardness she felt, Sakura shook her head. “That’s not necessary. I cleaned it off in the shower. It’ll be fine.”

“Sakura… You’re still bleeding.” He looked pointedly to her bandaged side. For the sake of comfort, Sakura had thrown on loose sweatpants and bindings after her shower, forgoing any other layers.

Glancing down at the large slash of red, she frowned. What if she _enjoyed_ it again? She wasn’t sure she could handle that kind of mortification twice in the same month. “Really, Kakashi. It’s not that bad.”

Regardless, he sank to sit on the couch beside her, abandoning the food on the table littered with empty containers and wrappers. “If this is about…” _Oh Kami!_ Was he really going to _say_ it? Luckily for Sakura, he was merciful. “I just want to make sure you’re healed, okay? It won’t take as long as the scar had.”

It _had_ taken a while for his chakra to push her to the edge of pleasure. And no matter how she played it off, Sakura’s side _did_ hurt. “Okay.” She conceded, standing. “I don’t remember you being this stubborn.”

“Old age does that.” He deadpanned as Sakura slowly unwrapped the bandages at her torso. She almost laughed when he shyly averted his eyes. Naturally, all mirth fled her when he yanked down his mask to take a bite of the candy that still laid out. Scrunching his nose, Kakashi replaced it instantly.

_Will I ever get used to his face?_ “I’d hardly call thirty-eight, _old_. Dramatic, maybe.” She teased, wincing when the bandage stuck to the edges of her wound. “I mean, Genma’s older than you, and he acts like a child.”

“I’ve been told I act like a grandfather.” He quipped with a small smile. Finally, Kakashi lifted his gaze when Sakura’s torso was fully exposed, the bandages around her breasts all that remained. “This looks like it’s getting infected.” He frowned. Seemingly without thought, Kakashi reached out to grab her hips, pulling her to stand between his legs.

Staring at the far wall, Sakura focused her breathing. She would _not_ get turned on by his proximity. That was a whole new level of pathetic. One of his large hands splayed across the small of her back – his thumb gently probing the edges of the cut. Lifting his hitai-ate, Kakashi examined it. Slowly, the center of his sharingan began to swirl. His other hand pressed against the flat of her stomach, the muscles there jumping as both thumbs ran along the reddened edges.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, his eyes not leaving the wound.

_I’m in pain, if that’s what you mean…_ “Not too badly.” She breathed, a quick shake of her head.

“I think there was something on the blade. An anti-coagulant. It’s meant to make the opponent bleed out.” His face was so serious – his brows furrowed in concentration. Sakura had only seen Kakashi deathly serious a handful of times in her life. In fact, his anger towards Zabuza had been her sexual awakening – not that she’d ever tell him as much. “It’s not causing an infection. I think you’re just having a mild allergic reaction to it. It’s almost completely gone now, so healing shouldn’t be a problem.”

Again, his thumbs skimmed the length of the cut. Sakura didn’t care if her leg fell off at this point – not when his warm breath ghosted across her skin. He had to see the way it rose and bumped under his touch. Her abdominal muscles jumped again as Kakashi started to channel his chakra into either side of the wound. This was it – this was how she died. Unresolvable sexual frustration. She always knew Kakashi Hatake would be the death of her.

Because Sakura was a coward, she closed her eyes. His face was too relaxed now, his half-lidded sharingan whirling lazily and his full lips slack. It should have been a crime to look like that. Sakura’s only solace was in the fact that she hadn’t seen it in her teen years. She might have _actually_ fainted then. Just like when he healed her back, Kakashi’s chakra sent warm tingles through her entire body. It was like the concentrated vibrations were centered along her pelvis, stroking her g-spot tauntingly.

Fighting the urge to press her thighs together, Sakura bit her lip. And just as soon as it started, it ended. “There.” His voice seemed deeper than when he had started. “It’ll scar because you waited so long, but you’re as good as new.”

Forcing her eyes open, Sakura looked down to her side. Kakashi’s calloused thumb rubbed over the faint line one more time before his hands fell away. “T-thanks.” She cleared her throat, forcing a smile as she avoided his gaze. “So… dinner?”

“You’re cheating!” Kakashi scowled over his cards, looking decidedly less intimidating with bows and braids in his hair. “I want a redo!”

“No redo’s! You know the deal! Confession or chaos?”

Somehow, the night had dissolved into a weird twist on poker-fueled truth or dare. It was a version Sakura used to play with Ino and Naruto back in the day. The first part was a simple game of five-card-stud. Loser had to pick either to confess something, or do something chaotic of the winner’s choice. So far, Sakura had a considerable lead. Though, thanks to a couple of bad hands she found herself wearing Naruto’s old orange sweatshirt and a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs she had found in Jiraiya’s room. She wasn’t sure which was worse – if they belonged to the old pervert or if they _didn’t_. Kakashi had it worse. His hair was the result of one bad hand, while the red paint over his eyes was another. After Sakura made him down a bag of the sweets he had hated, he switched to confessions.

“Fine, fine. Confession…” She wasn’t allowed to ask any questions, but he was required to offer up a confession that shocked her, or he’d be forced to take a chaos. “I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty.”

“No way…” Sakura lowered her cards in surprise. Both at the fact, and that he would be willing to share it. It seemed that the more time they spent together, the more Kakashi opened up to her as an equal. “I mean, it’s not bad or anything, I’m just surprised.” _Because you were always hot…_

“I guess you could say I had trust issues.” He shrugged and dealt out the next hand. “Not just with the sex thing, but with my face.” To accentuate his point, his full lips tugged into a crooked smile. “I overheard some of the local women betting on who could see my face first.”

“That’s a bitchy thing to do.” Sakura pouted lightly, arranging her cards. “Though, to be honest, we had a running bet on just what you were hiding under there.” She smirked at his knowing look. “I won. Which reminds me, I have to collect.”

“Oh? What were some of the guesses?” He discarded two of his cards and drew two more.

“Naruto said something along the lines of fish lips. Sasuke thought you had buck teeth. I think it was Ino that guess you had a tiny, baby mouth.” She drew her own replacements as he gave a short laugh. 

“And you?” He peered up from his hand just as she blushed lightly.

“I guessed that you weren’t hiding anything. That you were handsome, but that it was just a face.”

He smiled but didn’t comment. At the same time, they showed their hands. This time, Kakashi won. “About time. If I’m going to play this ridiculous game, I should be allowed to win every once in a while. So, confession or chaos?”

Knowing that he would be itching for payback, Sakura took the coward’s way out. “Confession. Let’s see…” Wracking her brain, Sakura tried to decide on a fact that could surprise someone like Kakashi. “I helped Jiraiya write the last two Icha Icha books.”

His lips parted in shock. _Bingo_. “What do you mean _helped_? You came up with ideas or…”

“No, like legitimately wrote whole chapters.” Sakura bit back a smile as he simply blinked. “He wanted a ghost writer, and I was the most familiar with his writing style. I could have done without the main character stealing parts of my look, but it seemed like a good opportunity to inject some realism into the story.”

After a moment of silence, Kakashi breathed a quick laugh. “You’re full of surprises, Sakura.”

“Thank you two for coming so quickly.” Naruto’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Over the last few months, he had been running every available shinobi into the ground. The rumors of war were all but confirmed, and he was still very new to the position of Hokage. There was talk of the council pulling in Tsunade to help, but Sakura didn’t think it would be a good idea to ask. Naruto was doing all he could to secure the village – more than anyone could have expected. Just the week prior, he had Yamato run a wooden tunnel underground as a means of escape. It took a while, but by the time it was finished, the tunnel stretched nearly to Suna. It could be invaluable if the villagers needed to vacate in a hurry.

“You sounded urgent.” Regardless of Kakashi’s lazy voice and slouch, his dark eye narrowed in worry.

Somehow, Kakashi had become Sakura’s unofficial mission partner after Naruto officially promoted her to Jōnin. She suspected that it was only because Naruto knew them as the remnants of team seven. Much to Sakura’s relief, it had actually worked out well for her. It allowed her to get to know this new, older Kakashi as a friend. Now that she wasn’t busy fawning all over the man, it was simple to just enjoy spending time with him. While Genma thought she was in denial, Ino suggested that it was a healthy step in the right direction.

“Bee said that there’s been reports of some of Orochimaru’s men on the border of Lightning. He’s worried that they’re planning something. Sakura, Jiraiya said that you had some ties with a hotel up there?”

Sakura could have sworn the scar along her spine tingled. “Yeah. You could say that. You want us to go and gather information?”

“Yes and no.” Naruto dragged a hand over his sunken face. “On the way to Cloud, yes. But your main objective will be to pick up a scroll from Bee and get it back to me as quickly as you can. They’re statistics and battle plans for reinforcements.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to send ANBU for something like that?” Kakashi asked, seemingly as surprised as Sakura felt.

With a weary smile, Naruto leaned on his paperwork. “I trust you guys way more than those faceless masks.” Slowly, his expression fell. “There’s one more thing. The leader of the group is supposedly a sucker for a pretty face…” He looked to Sakura guiltily. “How do you feel about a mild disguise and seduction mission?”

Giving her friend a smile, Sakura shrugged. “Sounds like fun.”

Maybe it was because he had known her since she was so young, but Kakashi hardly noticed Sakura’s pink hair anymore. It was only the absence of it that made him realize that he quite enjoyed the color. It was too distinctive – he understood that much. But the mousy brown she had chosen was just so… plain. That was the point, he was sure. Still, without her bubblegum locks or distinct flicks of red face paint, she hardly looked like Sakura at all.

When she turned from the mirror in her hotel room, the faux chocolate bob swayed in tandem. “Too much?” She asked, painted lips curling in distaste as she ran her hands over the skin-tight dress Jiraiya had insisted she wear. “I feel like an Icha Icha character.”

“You kind of look like one.” Kakashi teased, thankful that his discomfort didn’t translate to his voice. He didn’t want Sakura to do this, but the sooner she did, the sooner she could be rid of the disguise. It didn’t suit her. “But isn’t that the point?”

“I guess so.” When she bent to grab her purse, the hem of her dress lifted just enough to reveal the underside of her butt. Involuntarily, Kakashi’s eyes skimmed the smooth skin before she straightened. “Are you sure you want to be nearby? You’re not exactly inconspicuous.”

Ignoring her teasing smile, Kakashi moved between the open doors that connected their rooms. “There’s no way I’m letting you go alone. There were at least ten unidentified men out there. Besides, I have my own disguise.” The snort she gave him when he placed a wide-brimmed hat over his unruly hair finally soothed Kakashi’s ruffled feathers. 

As Kakashi watched their target lean into Sakura’s whispered words, a large hand on her exposed thigh, he was forced to admit that his feelings of protection weren’t necessarily pure. As much as he would like to blame his defensive nature on their former relationship as teacher and student, it was obvious what the twisting in his gut meant… he was jealous.

It was an unwelcome feeling, and a terrifying realization. The more Sakura worked alongside him, the easier it became to forget the girl she had been. To make matters worse, she seemed completely unfazed. There was still the occasional blush that paid homage to the younger version of her in Kakashi’s mind – but _this_ Sakura… This Sakura was new. She was witty, and sure of herself. She told racy jokes, and put the more rowdy of Kakashi’s friends in place… she slept with Genma.

That was a point of jealousy for Kakashi too. His exposed eye followed the way Sakura’s fingers moved up the man’s arm, a frisky smile curving her lips. _Was she just acting? Was she this way with Genma?_ He pulled away from the dark path his thoughts had turned down. As much as he wanted to learn more about his former student, some things were off limits… and damn if that didn’t make it all the more tempting…

Blinking from the hellish circle of his thoughts, Kakashi realized that Sakura was leaving. Leaning down to whisper a few words in their target’s ear, she patted his shoulder twice. Taking a side door, Kakashi slipped away as well, casting the man at the bar one more unseen glare.

“Did you see him!?” Sakura called the moment Kakashi closed the door to his room. “I had him eating out of the palm of my hand!”

There was a giddy quality to her voice that eased the tautness of Kakashi’s shoulders. When he moved to the door that joined their two rooms, he was met with the sight of Sakura hopping around on one foot as she struggled to remove her second heel. Smirking, he crossed his arms over his chest as she finally won the battle.

“You alright there?”

Realizing she was being watched, Sakura’s head jerked in his direction, a light blush coloring her cheeks. “He asked me to dinner. I found out that he and his _cousins_ are passing through on some _important work_.” Straightening, Sakura pulled off the wig, releasing a waterfall of cherry-blossom strands. “That thing is so itchy.” Groaning, she raked her nails over her scalp.

“You seem excited about going to dinner with the enemy.” And because his words didn’t quite hold the playful edge he had intended them to, Kakashi spoke again. “I’m not going to have to put you on a watch list, am I?”

The playful glare she sent his way was fleeting. “I’ve never had to seduce anyone before. Well, I mean – unless I count for my own personal gain.” He was sure she was a lot better at it than she realized.

Still, a part of Kakashi warred with the idea of little Sakura Haruno picking up men in a bar. As if she had heard his thoughts and wanted to rid him of that image, Sakura reached for the zipper at her side, allowing the slinky dress to fall around her ankles. Dressing and undressing in front of teammates wasn’t unusual in the field – regardless of sex or relation. When your life was on the line, there was little time for modesty. And yet, Kakashi was the one uncomfortable. She had forgone her bindings for her civilian disguise, choosing instead to wear a simple bra and pantie set. Although the panties covered most of her backside, they curved upwards over the cheeks, giving Kakashi a teasing view.

“I just think th-“ When she turned to find him staring, he wasn’t quick enough to hide his gaze this time. He might have expected her to blush. Maybe even rush to cover her body from him, but par for the course, Sakura surprised him by smiling. “Were you just staring at my ass?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi with red makeup, braids, _and_ bows? I think we all deserve this. And can we talk about our confident queen!?
> 
> As much as I enjoyed the depth and hard-hitting moments of writing this fic, I think the simple ones are my favorite. There's something so wholesome about Sakura and Kakashi sitting on her couch, playing games and eating candy. I'm glad it worked out because I was kind of meh at the cliche idea of _truth or dare_. I can change the words all I want, but that's exactly what it was.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Eight**

Sakura hadn’t given it much thought when she began to change in front of Kakashi. She was still riding her high from a successful seduction and didn’t really think of much else. It wasn’t like Sakura was shy, and her undergarments covered about as much as a bathing suit would. There was really no reason for modesty. And then she turned around…

Whatever she had been saying fell from her lips and brain at the look on Kakashi’s (half-covered) face. While Sakura was hardly the most well-versed woman when it came to the opposite sex, she knew what _that_ look meant. The half-lidded eye, the lingering gaze… He had been checking her out! The thought was nearly enough to make the memory of her teenage-self squeal. While she had seen that look in a man’s eyes before, she never thought that she would see it in Kakashi’s. He was _attracted_ to her.

Smiling, she watched as his attention refocused on his face. “Were you just staring at my ass?”

The blank look was all the conformation she needed. “No.”

“Liar.” Instead of waiting for him to deny it again, Sakura resumed digging through her clothes.

This development… well, it wasn’t really a development at all. Sure, Kakashi finding her attractive was something that made Sakura nearly giddy, but it didn’t really mean anything. She had ogled a shirtless Naruto on several occasions, but she still wouldn’t ever sleep with him. She enjoyed her new friendship with Kakashi far too much to read into the unintentional reaction to her semi-nudity.

“You were saying?” Kakashi prompted the subject change, his voice terse.

“Oh, yeah!” Smiling she held a blue dress to her body and turned for his approval. After a moment of scrutinization, he shook his head. “Dinner is going to be in the back room of this fancy restaurant down the road. That means I’ll have him alone. It’ll be easier to try and use a jutsu on him.”

Taking pity on her, Kakashi moved to rummage through the dresses before handing her a simple black number. “Are you sure that’s a smart move? If you’re secluded, I might not be able to get to you if something goes wrong. Do we even know if this guy is a shinobi?”

“I couldn’t get a chakra reading on him, so I think we’re okay. He said he was an architect.” Pulling the dress on, Sakura lifted her hair and turned so Kakashi could tug the zipper upward. “He seemed to be telling the truth.”

Even with his mask in place, Sakura caught sight of his frown. “I don’t like it.”

“And I don’t like Lightning Country food. We’ll both suffer through tonight.”

Sakura couldn’t help but feel that if Taj weren’t her target, she might have genuinely liked the man. He was funny and attractive – if not a bit awkward. She smiled sweetly as he pulled her chair out before settling in his own. When Naruto told them about the target, Sakura had been expecting a completely different kind of criminal. Perhaps someone resembling a barbarian with an underbite and beady eyes. Maybe it was her fault for stereotyping.

“Do you always take women to private rooms for dinner?” She asked over the soft background music. “Is that how you lure them in?”

“You’re making me sound like a predator.” He smiled, but avoided answering her question by thanking the young hostess that poured their wine. “I don’t have much knowledge when it comes to vintage, I’m afraid. When they asked which one we wanted, I just chose the hardest to pronounce. In my experience, that’s usually the best.”

Breathing a small laugh, Sakura lifted her glass by the stem, to join his offered toast. “Luckily for you, I’m equally clueless.” She watched Taj over the edge of her wineglass as the door slid open.

“Welcome.” The familiar voice caused the expensive drink to slip down her windpipe. As Sakura coughed quietly into her napkin, Kakashi smiled down at the pair. He had managed to cover his scar – his sharingan hidden away by a crisp medical patch. His hair had been combed to lay flat against the side of his head, almost appearing a shade darker. He had probably used a lot of product to get it to stay that way – product that belonged to Sakura, no doubt. “I’m sorry, Miss. I didn’t mean to startle you. My name is Gai. I’ll be your server tonight.”

Hiding her smile behind a cough and her napkin, Sakura composed herself. “Thank you, _Gai_.” She cleared her throat.

“I think the dinner for two will be just fine.” Taj ordered, not bothering to check with her. It was all well and good anyway. Sakura hoped to have all the information she needed before the food even arrived.

“And for the lady?”

“The dinner is for both of us.” Taj’s annoyance was clear. “Did you think I planned to eat all that by myself?”

Although bigger than Kakashi, Taj’s frame was clearly a fair bit muscle. “My fault.” Sakura bit her lip as Kakashi’s eye crinkled along with his upturned lips. _Kami_ … He was going to ruin her composure before the night was up. “I’ll have that right out.”

“Waiters.” Taj sighed when Kakashi was gone. “I hope he didn’t completely ruin the mood.”

“I hardly noticed him.” She smiled, toying with the edge of her glass. Damn Kakashi for throwing her off. “Where were we?”

“I think you were about to tell me how it’s possible that someone as beautiful as you isn’t taken.” Taj’s mood was back to playful.

“I guess I just haven’t found the right guy yet.” She did her best to appear demure. “What about you? Thirty-six and unattached? Don’t tell me – you’re married to your work, right?”

“Guilty.” He took a sip of his wine. “But tonight, I don’t want to think about it. I just want to focus on you.”

That wouldn’t do. “Well, I better go freshen up. I’d hate to be unworthy of your undivided attention. I’ll be right back.”

Sliding from the private room, Sakura was surprised to see just how full the restaurant was. It would be harder to find Kakashi than she’d hoped. She couldn’t very well ask for him by name. Biting her lip, Sakura headed for the alcove that housed the bathrooms and fire exit. She was almost to the labeled door when a hand shot out and yanked her sideways, two strong arms pinning her own at her side.

“Relax.” Kakashi’s low voice rumbled through his chest at her back as his warm breath stroked the shell of her ear. “It’s me.” When he was sure she wouldn’t swing, he released his hold.

Shaking off the feeling of his arms, Sakura took a deep breath and turned. It seemed they were in… a closet? “How did you even manage this?” She wanted to be cross with him, but his wide smile made it impossible.

“Huh? Oh, this.” He gestured to his outfit. “Naruto made me an official Leaf ambassador. I pretty much have diplomatic immunity to do whatever I want. The owner knows, but everyone else thinks I’m his nephew.”

“You with that much power is a terrifying thought.” With a sigh, Sakura lifted the hem of her dress to get to her garter holster. “It’s a good thing you’re here, though. I need you to do me a favor.” Pulling out a small vial, she held it up to him. “This is a concentrated dose of that poison I used on you during the bell test. I need you to put it in the wine before filling our glasses again. _Only_ three drops. Any more, and we might kill him.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem.” His long fingers wrapped around the vial, and in doing so, wrapped around her own. It would have been a simple enough touch if not for the fact that he lingered.

It was only when Kakashi’s dark eye landed on Sakura’s face that she realized how close they were. The closet was exceedingly small - a mop bucket taking up half the limited space. There was hardly enough room for one person, let alone two. With Kakashi instructed on what she needed, there was no reason for Sakura to stay. And yet, she found herself paralyzed by his weighted expression, and the way their chests brushed with every inhale. When Kakashi’s gaze dropped to her parted lips, a familiar heat rose in Sakura’s body. Before she could question him, the doorknob began to turn.

His wide eye met hers a moment before they were in motion. Tucking the vial into his sleeve, Kakashi grabbed the side of Sakura’s neck, his free arm snaking around her waist. As the door opened, he turned them, his lips covering her own. The kiss was slow and deep – made to look like they had been in the middle of something far more scandalous. Still, Sakura’s toes curled as his full mouth slanted against her own.

Who had she been kidding in trying to pretend that no romantic feelings remained? Denial had taken her only so far, and fantasizing had been dangerous. Now that Sakura knew the softness of his lips and the taste of his mouth, she’d never get the memory of them out of her head. Kakashi’s scent surrounded her as the warmth of his toned body seeped into her skin. When the tip of his tongue lightly brushed Sakura’s bottom lip, she nearly forgot that it was all for show.

“Gai!” The woman who opened the door hissed. Jerking back in faux surprise, Kakashi wiped at the lipstick smudging his bottom lip with a long thumb. “This behavior is completely unacceptable!”

“Excuse me…” Sakura breathed, pushing past the pair – her embarrassment only partially exaggerated.

The kiss played on a loop in her mind. Each time the detail grew more and more exaggerated, until Sakura was imagining what it would have been like if he had meant it. By the time she managed to compose herself for the sake of the mission and make her way back to the table, she had been gone quite a while.

“I’m sorry that took so long.” She instantly apologized. “There was a poor girl in the bathroom whose date left her. She was a mess.” _It’s official… I’ve become Kakashi_. Trade the girl with an old woman, and he would probably be proud.

“That’s terrible. It was nice of you to console her.” He seemed to ease as Sakura slipped into her seat. “For a minute I was worried that you ran out on me.”

“Oh? Did you think handsome, hardworking, and charming wasn’t my type?”

Taj smiled as the door slid open again. Kakashi entered followed by another waitress. The girl placed the large tray of food between them wordlessly before exiting. Holding up the bottle of wine he carried, Kakashi smiled. It made Sakura’s stomach clench when she noticed that his lips were still swollen and stained from her lipstick. Were hers just as bruised? How could he act so calm? _Because he had just done what was necessary for the mission_. The logical part of her mind supplied. _Right…_ It had been a way to throw off whoever opened the door.

“A bottle of red on the house, sir. My way of apologizing for my insensitive assumption earlier.”

Taj seemed to preen at the idea of someone sucking up to him. “I can’t say no to that.” He winked at Sakura as Kakashi poured.

“I suppose we should come up with a new toast then.” She lifted her glass with a smile. “To health?”

“Always a fan favorite.” He tapped his glass gently against hers. Watching him carefully, Sakura sipped the wine. It was only through years of sensory training that she noticed Kakashi’s slight frown. “I ju-...” Taj began to sway. “It’s… why did you bird?”

“I know.” Sakura cooed as she replaced the glass, her eyes cutting to Kakashi. “Lock the door.”

“Why is it affecting him but not you?” He whispered, even as he moved to do as she said.

“Rule number one of working with toxins: build up a tolerance to your poison of choice. Accidently ingesting or injecting yourself with it isn’t so much a matter of _if,_ but _when_.”

“You have ten minutes before the waitress comes to check on your dinner.” Kakashi mumbled. In his chair, Taj sang an unfamiliar song. Closing her eyes, Sakura focused on the natural energies around her. _Centered… still… peace…_ As her body slipped into _Sage Mode_ , she breathed deeply.

“Sage Art: Delirium Avow Jutsu!” Taj physically jerked back as she held her hands up in a structured triangle. It had taken Sakura and Jiraiya a year to develop, and was inspired by Ino’s mind transfer jutsu. Sakura just hoped the blonde never found out about her thievery. When his hazy eyes lifted, Sakura dropped the sign. “Who are you working for?”

“Some guy… weird name…” Taj blinked slowly in his trance. “Karu? Karuno?”

“Kabuto?” Kakashi prompted behind her.

“Yeah…” A lethargic nod. “Kabuto.”

“What does he have you and your men doing?” He blinked up at Sakura, processing her question slowly.

“Building… big – big building… no.” He shook his head. “Tunnel… big tunnel…”

Looking over her shoulder, Sakura exchanged a panicked glance with Kakashi. “Where? Where is the tunnel?”

“Sky… To the sky.”

The information she got from this jutsu wasn’t always completely correct, but it usually held some truth. “A tunnel to the sky?”

“Could he mean The Cloud?” Kakashi scowled as a knock sounded at his back.

Frowning, Sakura lifted her hands. “Release!”

They hadn’t spent the night in their free hotel rooms. With the limited information Sakura had managed to work out of their target, they made for The Hidden Cloud. Kakashi was almost thankful for the excuse to move – no longer trusting himself with his former student. The kiss… the kiss had ruined his resolve. It hadn’t even been necessary, really. He could have easily just made it _look_ like they had been up to something untoward. But in that moment, Sakura’s bright jade eyes had pulled him in and made him lose all sense. It had been a selfish move… One that Kakashi wished he could bring himself to fully regret.

She had tasted of wine and something distinct – something he could easily get just as drunk on. The worst part was how much she had obviously enjoyed it. She had bowed and moaned, her breasts pressing closer to him as he took it a step further and tasted her. Kakashi could have her – that much was obvious. It wasn’t like Sakura wasn’t the type to enjoy sex with no strings attached, Genma was enough proof of that. But every time Kakashi pictured her wriggling naked and flushed beneath him, his mind would remind him. The illusion of the pouty, needy woman would shift to the image of a young girl. And as his mind recoiled away from the thought, she’d cry out _Kakashi-sensei?_

It was enough to make him sick. Sakura might not have been that little girl anymore, but she _had_ been. She had been the tiny kunoichi that had shook at the sight of an enemy, and trusted in her sensei to keep her safe. She had been the wide-eyed girl that hung on every word he had said. Even if Sakura was a grown woman now, she _had_ been that girl. Her attraction to him was still obvious, though decidedly less so now. Sleeping with her would be like taking advantage of the girl she had once been. It would feel like he had groomed her… and he wouldn’t be the only one to think so.

“Kakashi?” Her voice broke through his thoughts, a haunting echo to his mounting guilt. A pink head popped through the slightly open door of his borrowed room. Bee had been kind enough to allow them a night’s rest in his home. At the very least, it put some distance between him and Sakura. “I’m heading down to dinner. Are you coming?”

“No.” Refocusing on the unread book in his hand, Kakashi waved casually with the other. “I’m not very hungry. You go ahead.”

“It’s horrible of you to leave me alone with Bee’s newest rap.” She joked. When he simply gave a half-smile, unable to bring himself to look at her, she seemed to give up. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Sakura.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi lowkey trolling Taj with that dinner order XD. Not because he’s jealous. Pfft – that would be crazy!
> 
> Also, I totes understand his logic, but jfc man! Stop being your own worst enemy! Our stubborn boi is quite the headache, isn't he? 
> 
> Super big shout out to my newest Patron, you know why you are! T_T You like me... you really like me!
> 
> In this chapter we see a little more of that 'obsessive love' in the way Sakura lets her mind run away with that kiss. It was really hard for me to not make Sakura seem overly contradictory. It's like... she's a strong independent woman! But also... sometimes not so much. Old habits die hard xD
> 
> Having Sakura work with poisons was kind of a fluke idea because I didn't think senbon would enough on their own. I have to say, I'm in love with it. I'd like to eventually write a piece where Sakura is a full on shadow-ninja. Poisons, stealth - the whole nine.  
> Also, the Delirium Avow Jutsu and the Botanical Coffin are total bs I pulled out of my ass. The rest is canon tho xD


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Nine**

It seemed the back booth of _The Steady Shuriken_ was cursed for Kakashi. Every time he attempted to slink into the cracked vinyl seat, he would become a magnet for the most annoying people. Tonight, he had just finished his first cup of saké when a scowling Genma sat opposite him.

“You’re a real fucking coward, you know that?” The venom coming from the typically playful man was enough to give Kakashi pause. “Are you so scared of your own dick that you’d shut Sakura out completely?”

_Ah… that_. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kakashi spoke lazily, bringing the small cup to his masked lips again. Luckily for him, the place was fairly empty.

“So you _didn’t_ ask Naruto to assign you a new mission partner?” The senbon clinked audibly between his clenched teeth. “I thought you would have learned your lesson the first time. Or did you forget that shutting Sakura out was what made her leave back then?”

No. That was completely different. Back then, Kakashi had kept Sakura at arm’s length to protect her own feelings. Now, he was doing it out of cowardice. No good could come of their forced proximity. How many times could Kakashi resist those cat-like eyes and kissable lips? How many times could he sit next to her heated flesh and not reach out? He was a perverted old man, and a self-imposed banishment was the only solution. If Genma had half the moral compass Kakashi did, he’d understand that.

“Sakura isn’t the same girl she once was.” His tone was even. “It’s better that she doesn’t get the wrong idea about our relationship. Age had stopped her before, but that wouldn’t be an issue in her mind now.”

“You’re an even bigger coward than I thought.” The other man scoffed. “You can play the part of the concerned sensei, but you’re an asshole for pinning this whole thing on her.” He smirked when Kakashi’s visible eye narrowed. “And that’s the truth of it, isn’t it? You want her. You’re just too much of a pussy to admit it.”

“Sakura is my student. Even as an adult, she _was once_ my student.” Kakashi responded evenly. “I could never view her in that light.”

“Bullshit!” Genma brought his fist down on the table, rattling the bottle and cup in front of him. “It’s not even that you just want to fuck her, is it?” He nearly whispered, his voice dangerous. Not liking the look in Genma’s eye, Kakashi focused on pouring himself another cup. “You have actual feelings for her, and you’re terrified of them.”

Kakashi tried to keep his face impassive. The thought had occurred to him. Actually, it had been the driving force in asking Naruto for a new mission partner. The whole way home from The Cloud, he had thought over his time spent with Sakura. The smile she gave him when he found out that she wrote part of Icha Icha. The way she had looked at him when she learned about the origin of his sharingan… the way his chest tightened at the thought of her getting hurt again. Feelings… yes, Kakashi had _feelings_ for his ex-student. Dangerous, unidentifiable feelings.

“I don’t know why you’re so upset about this.” Kakashi side-stepped the question. He lifted his cup again, hoping that a distraught Sakura hadn’t prompted this little visit. She would continue onward – she always had. “I asked for a new mission partner, not to have her evicted from the village.”

This time, Genma didn’t yell. He simply watched Kakashi, his eyes narrowed. “I’m going to marry her.”

The statement nearly made the masked nin choke on his saké. Repressing the urge to cough, he lifted a silvered brow. “What are you talking about?”

Genma’s face remained neutral, even as his eyes shone with challenge. “I like Sakura well enough. Hell, you could even say I love her. Romantically? No, but enough to build a life on. She’s beautiful, strong, and _fantastic_ in bed.” He smirked when Kakashi’s fingers tightened around his cup. “We made this silly pact years ago - when I went to visit her on her twenty-second birthday. If we both seemed hopeless in the romance department, we’d marry each other.”

“Sounds like a fairytale.” Even Kakashi could hear the edge to his voice. It made Genma’s smile stretch.

“I don’t know, I think it’ll make a good story for the kids. Did I mention we’re having kids?” He leaned back with a small, theatrical smile. “I hope they look like her. Can you imagine? Her looks with my charisma? Not to mention, the fun of making them.” He hummed. Even as Kakashi’s pulse throbbed dangerously in his ears, the other man continued.

“She’s got an amazing body – but you know that. There’s a reason I go back to Sakura more than any other girl. She’s such a hellcat in bed, but she’s also _very_ responsive. There are times I swear that I can get off on her moans alone. Then there’s this _unbelievable_ thing she does with her tong-“

“Damn it, Genma!” The cup in Kakashi’s hand shattered as his composure finally slipped. “What is it you want from me!?”

With a small, humorless smirk, Genma leaned forward. Half the bar was looking at them now, so he lowered his voice. “If you have to ask, you’re even dumber than you look, Hatake.” Toying with his senbon, he sighed. “I meant it, you know? Sakura deserves better than a coward.” Standing, Genma nearly sneered. “I _am_ going to marry her. Consider your chance missed.”

Sakura felt like a heartbroken teenager again. Granted, it wasn’t so dramatic this time around. Back then, she would have sworn her love for her sensei. Now, she was just starting to grasp her feelings for the man she had been getting to know again. Had she done something to scare him off? Had she acted funny after their kiss? _Kami… had I been that obvious?_ It was no wonder Kakashi practically ran. She probably _came off_ as a teenager. She didn’t blame him for wanting to run. He had been kind enough to overlook not only her obsessive past, but the way she had _orgasmed_ from his touch. Groaning inwardly, Sakura closed her eyes. The kiss must have been the final straw.

“Come on, Sakura.” Naruto prompted, a small smile on his face. “Don’t beat yourself up. You know how Kakashi-sensei is. He’s so afraid of commitment, he once panicked when a stray cat came back two days in a row!”

Snorting, Sakura took a sip of the wine he had brought over. She wasn’t in the mood to drink, but it seemed rude to not at least have a glass. “Commitment is one thing. I scared him away with my desperate sexual frustration.” She felt a little better when Naruto smiled.

“It’s your birthday… you shouldn’t be sad on your birthday.” Luckily for Sakura, most of her friends forgot what today was. She was in no mood to deal with people.

“I’m not sad, Naruto. Really. I guess I’m just… aware?” She hummed, knowing that wasn’t the appropriate word. “I spent so long trying to find out who I was, and then I came home just to pick up where I left off.” She paused as a passed out Jiraiya snorted from the armchair. _He_ had enjoyed the wine. “I just have this habit of running in place and being surprised when I don’t go anywhere.”

Her eyes traveled to her beloved tantō that lay on the coffee table in two pieces. They had run into a bit of trouble on their way back from Lightning Country, but managed to slip away unharmed. Her favorite blade had taken the brunt of the impact. She had planned on getting a new one, but it was hard to find a weapon that was so well made. Especially with all of Konoha’s resources going to the war effort.

“You’re not the same at all!” Naruto protested. “And if you’re not happy, try something new!”

With war looming over the village, Sakura couldn’t just leave. She knew that Jiraiya would stick around until then too. Maybe after, she would branch out on her own… if she survived. It was a morbid thought, but who knew how many Orochimaru had reanimated? He could have the greatest ninja in history at his disposal. Not to mention, he had all the power of deciding when the war would even start. Shaking the gloomy thoughts from her head, Sakura smiled when Genma entered – arms laden with bags. 

“What took you so long!?” Naruto jumped from the couch, grabbing the bag that was obviously full of ramen.

“When you tell people that you’re getting food for the Hokage, they take it a little more seriously.” He rolled his eyes and set the others down. “Since you didn’t know what you wanted, brat, I got the works.”

Interest piqued, Sakura started going through the contents. Several of her favorites were there along with a few of Genma’s. “This is enough food for a week.” She grabbed the nearest container, uncaring about which it was.

“So, I was thinking.” Genma’s faithful senbon was set aside as he chose his own dinner. Naruto sat across from them, already on his second bowl of ramen. “You wanna get married?”

Naruto’s reaction was far more dramatic than Sakura’s. He instantly coughed up a noodle, spraying her favorite table. Sakura, on the other hand, simply paused - chopsticks halfway to her lips. Blinking, she tilted her head as she tried to figure out if he was serious.

“Come again?” Unbothered, Genma pushed his food around to get to his favorite bits of pork.

“Remember that pact we made a few years ago?” She remembered that they were hammered at the time… “I figure, you’re twenty-five now. I’ll be forty next year…” He trailed off to chew his food before looking at her. “Why not? Obviously, things are shitty in the love department for both of us. Would it really be the worst thing?”

“You can’t just propose to a lady with the mindset of it _not being the worst thing!”_ Naruto’s voice boomed around them, causing Jiraiya to snort and roll on his side.

Normally, the loud man would be correct. That was a terrible way to propose to a woman… but Genma and Sakura weren’t exactly a normal couple. In fact, they weren’t a couple at all. Sure, she didn’t _love_ him – not beyond the parameters of friendship, or maybe a family member. Given that her parents had refused to see her, she’d even venture to say that she loved him _more_ than a family member. And really, would mutual understanding and genuine love be the _worst_ beginning to a marriage? She already knew that they could put up with each other. She knew that they had chemistry in bed…. She knew that her heart had been given away a long time ago. If the one that held it didn’t want it, would it be horrible of Sakura to find some semblance of peace and happiness with her best friend?

“Sakura!” Naruto’s voice was distressed. “You’re not really considering this, are you!?”

With a small huff, Sakura looked to Genma and shrugged. “Sure.”

“What is happening!?” Poor Naruto needed the wine more than she did.

Even though Kakashi was an hour late, Naruto looked surprised to see him. When the younger man squinted with a groan, it all made sense. Kakashi himself was battling with quite a hangover. At least Naruto’s misery meant that he wouldn’t have to deal with any unnecessary screaming. Blinking slowly as he mumbled, Naruto shifted through the papers in front of him.

“I have three potential partners for you.” Sighing, he seemed to give up. “Why don’t we just do this later? I’ve got the worst headache. Sakura wouldn’t even take pity on me and make me breakfast. I’m starving.”

Kakashi’s brows furrowed. Naruto was hardly one to read body language, so there was little need to keep composed. “Why would Sakura be making you breakfast?”

“It’s her fault I got so drunk! I brought the wine for _her_ birthday. Then stupid Genma had to go an propose!” Oblivious to Kakashi’s shock, Naruto searched his desk drawers.

_He actually did it… Genma is a moron…_ _Wait!_ “Yesterday was Sakura’s birthday?”

“Yeah. Don’t feel bad for not knowing. A lot of other people forgot.” With a small noise of triumph, Naruto withdrew from his desk with a bottle of painkillers. “Besides, I think getting engaged would have overshadowed everything else, you know?”

“Sakura said _yes?_ ” So busy with his pills, Naruto didn’t notice the way Kakashi leaned on the chair in front of him for support. Not only did Genma propose, but Sakura had accepted…

_I am going to marry her, Hatake. Consider your chance missed.”_

“Technically, she said _sure_.” He scoffed. “But that’s good, right? Now you don’t have to find a new partner because Sakura won’t be-“ Finally looking up, Naruto paused. “Are you okay, Kakashi-Sensei. You don’t look good…”

“… Fine.” _They’re actually getting married…_ “It’s fine, Naruto. Pair me with whoever you think is best.” Because he couldn’t trust himself to keep composed a moment longer, Kakashi flickered away.

Naruto stared at the vacated spot for a long moment before letting a small smile curve his lips. On cue, the door to his office swung open. “So, what do you think?” He asked, no longer giving any indication of being hungover.

“He’ll crack in no time. I gotta say, squirt, you did better than I thought you would.”

“I’m the Hokage! You can’t just call me squirt!” Frowning, Naruto gathered all his papers in preparation for the next phase. “This better work. There’s an actual war starting, you know? I can’t waste too much time on this.”

“You’re telling me.” Genma scoffed and bit his senbon. “If this doesn’t play out like I think it will, I’ll have to actually get married…” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he smiled. “I suppose it’ll at least guarantee great sex.”

“Stop!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favorite chapter. Hands down. #TeamGenmaBFF. He’s the friend we all deserve. 
> 
> I know that I'm technically the one that wrote it, but _"You know how Kakashi-Sensei is. He’s so afraid of commitment, he once panicked when a stray cat came back two days in a row!”_ gets me every fucking time, dude. I always forget it, and it always makes me picture:
> 
> Kakashi standing sleepily by his open window, eating a bowl of bland cereal when he hears it _meow!_  
>  He blinks... chews slower. "Y-you're the cat from yesterday!"  
>  _meow!_  
>  "I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!"
> 
> If you've followed my other stories, you'll know that I've really wanted to write a GOOD Naruto for a while now. This Naruto is by far my favorite, but I really want to work with his character in future stories. Ugh - it's so easy to ship Sakura with everyone! lol
> 
> I actually wrote the whole Genma/Naruto scheming during the second draft of this chapter, and I’m so glad I did. As soon as it was down on (digital) paper, I knew exactly how it would all play out! 
> 
> _-MM from the finished draft here. It played out nothing at all like I planned xD I regret nothing._


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Ten**

Diluting the remainder of her poison, Sakura carefully split it between several vials. She’d be forced to get more soon, which meant dealing with Gamabunta. He wasn’t any ruder to Sakura than he was to everyone else, but he knew that she’d be forced to listen to his complaining if she wanted his mucus for her weapons. Despite knowing that she probably could, Sakura had avoided trying to summon him. She liked that Gamariki always had her back. With Gamabunta, it would be endless hours of _proving herself_.

When a loud knock sounded at Sakura’s door, she sighed at being interrupted. Carefully placing a handful of senbon in the mixture, she wiped her hands thoroughly before moving to answer it.

“K-Kakashi?” She hadn’t expected it to be her ex-sensei standing in her doorway, a conflicted look furrowing his brow. Honestly, she had expected him to avoid her altogether. “What are you doing here?”

“It was your birthday…” He said simply, no indication of any more information rising between them.

“Last week… I’m aware.” Defensively, Sakura crossed her arms under her breasts.

“I didn’t know.” He held himself stiffly as he met her eyes for the first time. “I would have gotten you a gift. I tried, but with the war…” With a heavy breath, Kakashi lifted his hands to display a short sabre. “It’s not exactly new, but I think you’ll get more use out of it than I will.”

Tentatively, Sakura reached out to take the blade. The sheath was scratched and faded, and the bindings at the handle were worn and dirty. It was a little shorter than her tantō, but the craftsmanship was flawless. It had to be even older than it looked. Sliding the blade from the sheath, Sakura let her chakra run down it, surprised by how well it responded. Few blades could take a constant flow of chakra. When the blade seemed to glow, an alarm sounded in her mind. Slowly, she tilted it to look closer at the handle. When a semi-familiar symbol stared back at her, Sakura’s breath stopped all together. It was only because her body seized that she didn’t immediately drop the weapon.

“Kakashi…” He had been silent through her inspection. “I-is this…”

He looked away quickly when her eyes caught his. Seemingly unwillingly, he met her gaze again. “Like I said, I wasn’t using it.”

“Kakashi! This is your _father’s_ sword! The _White Light Chakra Sabre_ is practically a piece of history!” She carefully replaced the blade and held it out for him. “I _can’t_ accept this!”

Instead of taking it from her, Kakashi gently pushed her hands back the other way. “It’s yours, Sakura. Yes, it’s a piece of history, which makes it all the worse that it has been sitting unused. I want you to have it.”

His soft voice and sweet gesture made Sakura hug the small sword to her chest. It still felt wrong to take it – especially when Kakashi might have kids of his own one day. The Hatake crest seemed to taunt her with that thought. Biting her lip, Sakura looked up only to find Kakashi already watching her. Why was he doing this? Last week, he hadn’t wanted her as a mission partner. Today, he was giving her a priceless family heirloom that held historical significance.

“Ka… Kakashi…“

With something that almost seemed painful crossing his eyes, his shoulders tightened. Pulling down his mask so she could see his frown, Kakashi crossed the threshold. As Sakura instinctually took a step back, he reached for her, his large hand tangling in her loose pink waves. With the sabre pressed between them, Kakashi pulled Sakura even closer. In an instant, their position mimicked the one they had taken in the closet.

And then… he was kissing her. 

Unlike their fake kiss, this one held a passion that meant it was for no one’s gaze. With her front door agape, the hand that didn’t thread itself through her hair grabbed at her hip. Kakashi didn’t hesitate this time – his tongue sliding easily between her parted lips. He tasted like he smelled – of cedar and rain.

How many years had Sakura wanted this? How long had she coveted the taste and feel of his lips? The hand that didn’t hold the sabre securely, clutched almost desperately at his vest. Her neck tilted back as far as his hand would allow, a small moan pulling from her lips when he withdrew his tongue to nip at her bottom lip. _Addicting_. Kakashi Hatake had always been Sakura’s addiction, and now he was in her veins. It wasn’t the same this time, though. In the past, her obsession had been born of an idea. It was the image of him that had drawn Sakura in. This taste – the one that made her heart ache and her stomach clench – was different. It was _real_. The Kakashi she longed for wasn’t one she learned about in books, but around campfires on missions. The facts she held close to her heart weren’t written by a third party, but were put there by the man that confided in her enough to reveal those parts of himself.

When his lips brushed her own in a sweet kiss, Sakura knew she was done for. She could never be just his friend. She was already falling in love with him, and nothing would stop the will of her own stubborn heart.

“Kakashi…” She breathed his name in question as his forehead rested against her own. With that dark eye hidden away behind thick lashes, she didn’t know what he was thinking. “What…”

That bottomless eye snapped open, his angular features hardening. “Don’t marry him.”

As the words registered in Sakura’s foggy mind, Kakashi disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Turned on, confused, and clutching the most thoughtful gift she had ever received, Sakura glared at her open door. “Kakashi Hatake! I’m going to kill you!”

Kakashi didn’t need to look across the room to know Sakura was watching him. She wanted answers, and he wanted to be able to give them to her. The truth was that he had acted on impulse. Deciding to give Sakura his father’s blade had been an alarmingly easy choice. He _wanted_ her to have it. Even now, when it was strapped to her back in the place of her usual tantō, the Hatake crest shining proudly… it did things to Kakashi that made his pulse pick up.

With a hidden, self-deprecating smirk, he cursed inwardly. Genma had been right. _Again._ It wasn’t enough that Kakashi was physically attracted to the one woman he shouldn’t have been. Now, he was falling in love with her too… if he wasn’t already.

“Sempai?” Yamato pulled Kakashi from his thoughts. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Ah. Sorry, no.” He gave a large smile. “I’m afraid this cold weather has me running a little slower.”

“That’s understandable.” Yamato smiled kindly. “I asked if you knew why the Hokage called the four of us here?”

Kakashi opened his mouth to reply when Genma’s movements caught his eye. When Yamato had been reassigned as Kakashi’s partner, he was perfectly pleased – the part of him that didn’t still want Sakura, that is. Then, he found out that Sakura’s new partner was her _fiancé_. Word of their engagement had spread like wildfire throughout the village. With grim spirits at every turn, people tried to grasp onto every ounce of good news they could.

Genma whispered in Sakura’s ear now, his fingers playing absentmindedly with the end of a single pink lock. Even with his advanced hearing, Kakashi couldn’t make out the words. Pulling the senbon from his mouth, the other man placed a kiss on Sakura’s neck before retreating. Instantly, his eyes caught Kakashi’s, a smug smile playing on his lips.

“I don’t know.” He finally answered Yamato, relieved that Naruto entered before he could jump across the room and murder the other shinobi.

“Sorry guys, my conference ran long.” Naruto instantly threw his hat aside before sinking down in his chair. “Orochimaru has been spotted.”

The alarming news was delivered without pomp and circumstance. Still, the shock of it nearly caused a physical reaction in each of them. “Lord Hokage-“

“Yamato…” Naruto cut him off wearily, seemingly at the end of his patience for the day. “Please just call me Naruto.”

Uneasily, Yamato tried again. “Naruto… Where was Orochimaru spotted?”

“Near Suna.” The young man frowned. “There’s worry among the other Kage’s that his threat to The Hidden Leaf has just been a diversionary tactic. Especially with evidence of him moving in on two other Hidden villages… I can’t risk leaving in case that’s what he _wants_ me to think…” The blond’s mask cracked with a growl. “He knows that if Gaara needed me, I’d come running.”

“The Kazekage is strong and well-protected, right? Why would Orochimaru try something as minor as vaguely threatening Gaara to draw you out?”

The others in the room exchanged an uncomfortable look at Sakura’s question. It was easy to forget how much she had missed over the years. Though, Kakashi was surprised that in their hundreds of letters, Naruto hadn’t shared something so personal with her. She had been back for six months now, and still hadn’t heard? He supposed it was a sign of Konoha’s progression that no one had thought to mention it to her.

“Oh…” Naruto’s cheeks brightened a bit. “I guess I never got around to telling you… I just didn’t know how to put it in writing, you know? And with Gaara and I both being Kage’s, we couldn’t really… I mean-“

“He and Gaara are gay together.” Genma offered indelicately. At Kakashi’s glare, he shrugged. “What?”

“I don’t think that’s the correct wording.” Yamato smiled awkwardly, glancing to the now cherry-red Hokage.

“I see…” Sakura blinked at her friend. When he finally looked up, she smiled. “I always thought that you two had chemistry!”

“Thanks, Sakura.” He seemed genuinely pleased. Remembering himself, Naruto cleared his throat. “But like I was saying – I think he’s trying to lure me out. Obviously, I can’t spare a bunch of men, and I can’t leave the village. So, I’m sending you four to Suna. It’ll only be for a little while – long enough to throw Orochimaru off. He knows how much I value you three… and Genma, I guess.”

“Hey, squirt!”

“Don’t call me squirt!” Still pouting, Naruto continued. “You’ll leave in the morning and return upon Gaara’s dismissal or an S.O.S. from me.” Seemingly pleased that no one had any objections, Naruto relaxed. “Sakura, Kakashi – can I talk to you two for a minute?”

He waited until Yamato and Genma left the office, the latter only doing so after another cocky grin in Kakashi’s direction. Kakashi knew that he had no right being mad at Genma. Just like he had no right asking Sakura not to marry the asshole. All Kakashi knew was that he had to do _something_. But what could he offer Sakura? There were rules in place – images to maintain. The fact that he would be pegged a homewrecker on top of a pedophile wasn’t a comforting thought either. Why was it that when it came to Sakura Haruno, Kakashi had always been utterly spineless?

“I just wanted to check that you two were okay to go on this mission together.” Naruto frowned. It still astounded Kakashi how grown up he could be at times. “Obviously… I have a personal stake in this mission. I’d rather you were upfront with me if either of you are uncomfortable with this.”

“I’m fine.” Sakura’s reply was instant, but short. “I’m a professional, Naruto. You know that.”

“Me too.” Kakashi wasn’t sure if he _was_ okay with the arrangement, but he hated the idea of her going without him.

“Speaking of professional.” Naruto grinned now, his eyes locking on Sakura. “I have an offer for you, Sakura. Ibiki has been scouting you for ANBU.”

Kakashi stiffened, his visible eye widening. ANBU was a death sentence. Even for someone with Sakura’s capabilities – _especially_ for someone with Sakura’s capabilities. With her ability to use _Sage Mode_ , they’d treat her like a bomb. She’d take only the most dangerous missions – all of which would have her in the hospital more times than not. _No_. Kakashi had gone down that path and had been lucky enough to walk away. He still carried the scars – both mentally and physically. Sakura had been through her trials. She didn’t need this too…

“I… wow.” Sakura breathed, disbelieving. Kakashi wanted to scream at her – to beg her not to take the position. “Can I think about it?”

“Of course.” Naruto grinned. “Let me know when you decide.”

“Y-yeah… sure.”

Kakashi was able to hold his tongue until they were out of Naruto’s office, his resolve breaking the moment they were alone (as it often seemed to do with Sakura). Before he thought better of it, his fingers wrapped around her muscular bicep, turning her to face him.

“Don’t do it. Don’t join ANBU.”

Predictably, Sakura’s eyes narrowed in anger. “You seem to be a big fan of telling me what _not_ to do lately.” Practically growling, she yanked her arm from his grasp. “I know you have a hard time accepting this, but you’re _not_ my sensei anymore, Kakashi.”

 _Ouch_. He probably deserved that. “I just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Sharp eyes thinning to slits, her nostrils flared. Sakura had always had a temper, but now… She was beautiful in her anger. That thought was proof enough that Kakashi had it bad. “Then tell me what you want.” She demanded. “You kiss me. You tell me not to marry Genma - and then you disappear without a word. Now, I see you again, and you’re telling me not to take a job. You can’t just pop up in my life whenever you feel like it and tell me what to do!”

Luckily for Kakashi, no one was around to see him getting his ass verbally handed to him by a woman half his size. Beneath his mask, his top lip curled back in frustration. What could he say? Why couldn’t she understand? Yes, her anger was justified, but he was just as confused and frustrated as she was!

“Do you think this is easy for me?” He breathed, taking a step forward. Not a speck of fear crossed her features as she lifted her chin in defiance. Sakura had always stood her ground. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that she did so now. “Do you think that I like the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you? You were my _student_ , Sakura. I know that doesn’t mean much to you now, but put yourself in my shoes! I was _older_ than you are now when we met.

“You were this young girl with a silly little crush. It was okay then. The guidelines drew themselves. But now… now there are no lines. I keep telling myself that you’re an adult. That the fact that I want nothing more than to fuck you right here and now is a perfectly reasonable desire… but it’s _not_.”

His words (or perhaps her anger) caused a bright blush, nearly the same shade as the paint under her eyes to color her cheeks. “Says who?” She challenged. “You know what your problem is, Kakashi? It’s that you still think of me as a child. Yes, at one point I was your student – _eleven years_ ago.

“I’m not a little girl anymore, and I’m tired of waiting for you to see that. I’ve spent years – _decades_ – waiting for you to notice me, but I’m out of energy to fight you on this. If you want to linger on the girl I used to be, that’s your choice. You’re the one that’s going to miss out, because I _like_ the woman I’ve become.”

Her words tugged at his heart and made a lump rise in his throat. He had never intended to make Sakura feel as if she wasn’t good enough. This time, _she_ took a step forward. It occurred to Kakashi – somewhere in the functioning part of his brain – that they were chest to chest now. “Sakura-“

But she wasn’t done. “You’ve been so preoccupied with yourself and _your_ feelings that you haven’t even stopped to consider asking me about mine! I’m not twelve anymore. You don’t have to decide what’s best for me, regardless of my desires.”

She was right… Kakashi had made excuse after excuse – all pertaining to how he would suffer if he gave in. “What do you want, Sakura?” The question was only a whisper. Silently, he hoped she would turn him away. Once they went down this path, he wasn’t sure he could turn back.

Standing on her toes, eyes hard, Sakura grasped the back of Kakashi’s neck. Forcefully, she pressed her lips to his masked ones. Before he could reach for her, she was backing away, a small smile on her lips. “What I’ve always wanted, Kakashi. You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi giving Sakura his father’s blade is an idea I’ve been obsessed with for a while now. I tried writing it in to several fics, but this one felt right. I knew the moment I decided on the tantō for Sakura that he would eventually give her the sword.
> 
> I like to think that while Sakura and Kakashi were having it out in the hallway, Naruto had his ear pressed against the door with Genma sitting in the window whispering _what are they saying now!?_ every few seconds xD  
>  _“You seem to be a big fan of telling me what not to do lately.” Practically growling, she yanked her arm from his grasp. “I know you have a hard time accepting this, but you’re not my sensei anymore, Kakashi.”_


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Eleven**

Running usually cleared Sakura’s head, but the fact that Kakashi was running beside her didn’t help. Surprisingly, he had been on time for their departure. Sakura had been upset when he hadn’t stopped her from walking away the previous afternoon, but she was still proud. For the first time in her life, she was open and honest with Kakashi about her feelings and wants. If he decided that his _lines_ were more important than figuring out what this was between them, then she would accept it. At least now, Sakura knew that she had done all she could.

Realistically, she wasn’t sure what she expected from him. Yes, she and Genma’s age gap was whispered about, but it was excused. As much shit as she had given Kakashi for only thinking about himself, he stood to lose the most. Still, didn’t they deserve to see if the passion between them could go anywhere before worrying about telling people? It wasn’t like Naruto would have Kakashi thrown in jail anyway… she was pretty sure.

“We should stop here for the night.” Genma proclaimed as they jumped to the ground. “The trees here still have their leaves. Once we hit Wind Country, we’ll be exposed until we hit Suna. Besides, I’m starving.”

“I think we passed a few deer a kilometer back.” Yamato dropped his pack before cracking his knuckles. “If you want to get one, I can start a fire.” With practiced ease, he began manipulating the trees around them to make small, individual shelters.

“I’ll leave the animal killing up to you.” Sakura scrunched her nose. “There’s a small lake not far from here. I’m going to grab us some water. Maybe freshen up a bit.” She didn’t spare Kakashi a glance as she grabbed the canteen from his discarded pack. It wouldn’t matter anyway. He’d had his nose buried in a book since they left.

“I could go for some freshening up. What do you say, brat? You wash my back, I’ll wash yours?” Her glare turned to Genma, simply causing the man to wink.

“Blow it out your ass, Shiranui.” Sakura huffed as she grabbed a change of clothes.

“What a demure bride I have.” He replied sarcastically. “The wedding should be classy. Chicken or fish, boys?”

“Depends on the type of fish.” Kakashi spoke for the first time in hours. It was almost worth the coldness of his words to watch Genma’s smile slip away.

“I’ll be back.” Sakura waved lazily over her shoulder.

With Kakashi being standoffish and Genma seemingly going out of his way to piss them off, it was going to be a long mission. At least in Suna, Sakura could catch up with Temari and do some recon for Ino. What was it with her friends and bad relationships? Was it a _birds of a feather_ thing? Reaching the lake, Sakura dropped the canteens and her spare clothes. Although Christmas was just a few days away, the weather in the desert region was a dry heat.

Peeling off her gear until she was left in her bindings and panties, Sakura started in on her hair. She had thought about cutting it for years, but the longer it became, the harder it was to take the plunge. Releasing the ponytail, she shook out the mane of cotton-candy strands until they settled around her thighs.

Sakura had taken only one step towards the water when the sound of rustling gave her pause. Whoever it was had concealed their chakra signal. Genma? An enemy? Slowly moving to her pack, Sakura pretended to pick up her clothes as she carefully unsheathed her sabre.

Darting backwards, nearly flipping over to do so, Sakura forcefully brought her sabre downward. The strong blade gave a loud clink as Kakashi stopped it with his kunai. It struck Sakura at how familiar it was.

_Sakura drew her tantō and lunged while he wasn’t expecting it. She didn’t need to best him, just distract him enough to get a hand on one of those stupid bells. As if he had anticipated the move, Kakashi drew a kunai, easily meeting her blow for blow._

That had been the first time – during her very first bell test. As her feet landed, Sakura frowned at his smiling face – all of it. He had discarded his vest, mask, and forehead protector at some point, leaving him in just his sleeveless undershirt.

Stabbing the tip of the sabre into the grassy shade of the tree line, Sakura frowned. “I could have killed you! Why did you conceal your chakra?”

“Ah. That’s why I prepared.” He tapped the scarred lid under his exposed sharingan. “And I wasn’t concealing it from you. I didn’t want Yamato to follow me out here. He’s a bit like a lost puppy.” 

“What _are_ you doing out here?” _Half-naked_ – her mind added. All shinobi carried some degree of fitness and muscular appeal, but Kakashi in his undershirt had always been inexplicably erotic to her. Especially now, with his face on display and his wild hair free from any confines. 

“Compromising.”

This time, when Kakashi moved to kiss her, Sakura was able to see it coming. However, her body was less prepared. The way she arched and reached for him was unintentional. As was the needy sound that rose in her throat. His lips were just as full and soft as they had been the prior week, and his tongue just as skilled and hot. Regardless of how Kakashi had ignored the entire party during their travels, Sakura found herself unable to be angry at him when he kissed her deeper. She had been right. Kakashi with too much power was a very dangerous thing. 

Sakura had only just registered Kakashi walking her backwards when her bare shoulders were met by the rough bark of an overgrown tree. When he was sure she wouldn’t be going anywhere, Kakashi’s hands started to roam. Calloused fingers moved across her ribs and thighs before doubling back and over her bound breasts.

“H-how is this compromising?” She found her voice to ask, but immediately lost all interest in the answer when his teeth skimmed her jaw.

Kakashi nipped along her pulse point before soothing the skin with the flat of his tongue. “I’m not going to stop myself anymore. I’m not going to pretend that you’re not one of the most alluring women I’ve ever known.” To prove his point, he held Sakura’s hips in place as he pressed his evident erection against her. He took the time to suck on her throat as she moaned. _Woman_. Kakashi was finally seeing her as the woman she had become. “And in exchange, you won’t ask me to talk about any _feelings_ until I’ve wrapped my mind around this part.”

Kakashi could have asked her to wear a chicken suit, and she’d probably think it a fair offer. “Deal.”

With a firm tug on his (now, wilder) hair, Sakura sought his mouth with her own. Even though she had dreamt of several situations that were strikingly similar to this one, none even came close to the real thing. It was like every sense she possessed closed off to anything but the two of them. Kakashi still tasted of an indescribable spice – and his hair still tickled her skin where it met.

When his mouth continued on its journey again, Sakura’s head fell back against the tree. Her hands roamed on their own, pressing into the curved definition of his neck and shoulders before tracing the firm dip of his biceps. When they could go no lower, Sakura returned them to his hair. Only when she felt Kakashi sink into a crouch, did she force her head to move.

“What are you doing?” She breathed stupidly, watching his solitary dimple make an appearance as he smirked up at her. The look in Kakashi’s mismatched eyes was predatory – but not in a way Sakura had ever seen. If she hadn’t been wet before the curve of his full lips, she’d be drenched now.

Closing his eyes for only a moment, he breathed deeply through his nose – smelling her, Sakura realized. It would had been enough to make her fidget away if not for the firm grip of his hands on either hip.

“I thought that much was obvious.” He nearly cooed, catching her gaze again. “I’ll tell you what. You start guessing, and I’ll let you know when you’ve got it right.”

Without giving her time to reply, Kakashi gripped one of Sakura’s thighs, yanking it over his shoulder and holding it there. Leaning in, he breathed deeply again before running his tongue across the wet fabric that covered her. “Fuck!”

“Close…” He hummed, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Although, I suppose that depends on your personal definition.”

The hand that Sakura hadn’t realized still gripped his hair tightened considerably. With a deep chuckle that did nothing for her frustration, Kakashi used the hand that didn’t hold her leg to yank the damp fabric aside. He didn’t tease her, but nor did he dive straight in. In spite of Sakura’s expectations, Kakashi chose to lap at her. Later, she might laugh at comparing him to a dog. His wide tongue slipped between her folds, humming after the third pass. When Sakura’s legs practically shook, the tip pressed firmly against that sensitive bundle of nerves.

The cry that tore from Sakura’s throat was surprising even to her. Another yank at Kakashi’s hair did nothing to deter him as his tongue began to move in meaningless patterns. Each swipe and dip sent ripple after ripple of pleasure down Sakura’s spine. Most men teased, or simply tried to penetrate with no care for the familiar spot. But Kakashi… Kakashi _only_ wanted to bring her pleasure. Just like he did everything, it was with expert knowledge and maximum efficiency.

“F-fuck me…” She breathed in an unfamiliar voice.

He hummed again, and Sakura didn’t have to look to know that he was watching her. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather I just keep doing this?” He withdrew his tongue to wrap his lips around her, sucking gently.

This time, when Sakura cried out, her back arched with it. “Please… Kak-ashi.” She had never had to beg before – had never _wanted_ to. His sinful mouth would bring her to the edge soon – a peak she only wanted to reach with him inside of her. Her untouched entrance throbbed and ached to be filled – a form of teasing in and of itself.

With another slow lick, Kakashi allowed Sakura’s thigh to slip from his shoulder. Before she could even attempt to stand on weak knees, he was lifting her. Feeling the need to his skin Sakura’s lips found the taunt muscle of Kakashi’s neck as she wrapped her legs around his waist. There was something so fitting about the way he only undid his pants enough to free himself. About the way he violently pulled the fabric of her panties aside to enter her without demur. About the way their need had built to such a boiling point, that they couldn’t even bother to really undress.

She bit down at the feeling of being stretched – the utter pleasure of finally, _finally_ having him inside of her. It felt like Sakura had suffered through decades of foreplay just to get to this moment. Pinning her back to the tree, Kakashi withdrew only to slam into her again and again. A small, involuntary whimper bubbled in Sakura’s throat as she caught a drop of his sweat on her tongue. When she kissed him again, he tasted of her. Her body felt like it would give out – especially when he gave his own low groan of pleasure. However, nothing could have prepared Sakura for the look of Kakashi’s _face_. It was the one aspect Sakura could never really fantasize about. She hadn’t known what it looked like – other than the way his eyes pinched when he was angry. This look… this look was so much better. While his half-lidded eyes _did_ pucker between the brows, it was softer – even when accented with the curl of his top lip. His teeth clenched behind it, his breath coming in quick pants. And that sharingan… the slow whirl of that angry red eye from behind unruly white locks… it didn’t hold a candle to the deep intensity of the one that belonged to him.

Unable to take the weight of his gaze and force of his thrusts any longer, Sakura cried out as she came. Her nails bit into the flesh of Kakashi’s shoulders as his lips muffled the sound. Through the haze of euphoria, she could just make out the sounds of his own low groan as he jerked once more before joining her in bliss.

Kakashi would have liked to talk to Sakura after the fact. Even if he said _no feelings_ , that didn’t mean that he wanted to simply use her for her body. Unfortunately for both of them, Yamato had come to find Kakashi when he didn’t return right away. They both had just enough time to make themselves presentable before the younger man was in front of them. When he insisted that they return to camp, Kakashi could only spare Sakura a look before he was pulled back through the trees.

Sakura returned not long after, but the presence of the other two men made talking impossible. As the guilt started to set in, Sakura looked up from her seat to catch his eye, her full lips twitching in a secret smile.

It had been a hard decision for Kakashi. Even though Sakura had made sense, and even though he knew that he wanted her… The choice had still been a heavy one. The only regret he had now was not giving in sooner. The way she had sounded – the way she had _tasted_. Even now, only a few hours later, he wanted her again. Sakura could easily become a dangerous habit if he allowed her to.

“I’ll take first watch.” Genma spoke around a hair-tie instead of his usual senbon. His long fingers carded through his hair – freed from its typical bandana. Once the ponytail was secure, he smiled. “So. Finally gave in, huh?”

With only a small twitch, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

The other man gave a dramatic roll of his eyes as he then produced a senbon. “I’ve known Sakura for a long time. She always blushes for hours after the fact. Besides, you were both gone for a while, and Yamato found you together. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”

Glancing over his shoulder to the wooden huts Yamato had constructed, Kakashi frowned. “It was just sex.” He conceded, knowing there would be no way to talk himself out of it. Still, Genma didn’t need to know how deep Kakashi’s feelings went – especially when he wasn’t sure himself. “It might not even happen again.”

“Is that so?” He smirked. “In that case, I guess I’m still gonna marry her. Better enjoy it while you can. We agreed that after the wedding, we’d be exclusive.” Even as Kakashi’s angry glare shot to him, Genma stood and clapped him on the back. “Get some rest. You have third watch.”

He heard her stir – awaking for her watch not only early, but unprompted. While Kakashi’s eyes remained on the unseen book in his hands, he listened as Sakura left her tiny hut to wash up. For the last two hours, he had stared down at the same stupid page as he tried to think of a way to approach her. So far, the only idea his mind could conjure was a repeat performance. 

“Tired?” Sakura asked as she stepped into the glow of the dying campfire. Normally, he would have doused it altogether, but the nights were much cooler than the days.

“I got some sleep earlier. Did you want company?” Kakashi smiled behind his mask, finally closing the neglected tome.

Instead of answering, Sakura eyed him with a mischievous smirk. It was hardly anything at all – just the smallest of upward ticks. “Something like that.”

Without giving him a moment to contemplate her expression or tone, Sakura moved to stand between Kakashi’s spread legs. Slowly, she lowered herself to her knees, hypnotic mint eyes keeping his gaze hostage. Her small but strong hands had landed on his knees during her descent, but were now sliding upwards. Kakashi found himself torn between shock and arousal. How could Sakura have ever questioned her seduction abilities when just one look had him at half-mast? Did this mean she wasn’t upset that they hadn’t talked? That she had enjoyed their quick romp as much as he had?

Reaching up, she pulled on his mask until it gathered around his chin. “Sakura…” His tone was warning, but even _he_ didn’t believe it. “Yamato and Genma are right there. And we’re supposed to be keeping watch.”

She simply hummed, her lips brushing the corner of his mouth. Despite his weak protests, Kakashi turned his head to catch them the second time. “Well then, how about some teamwork?” She smiled. “You keep watch, and I’ll suck your dick.”

Whatever face he made in response caused Sakura to smile and bite her lip. How was it that this woman would blush at the drop of a hat, but could casually say something like _that_!? Still… Kakashi was only human. Leaning back a bit, he couldn’t help but smirk. “Who am I to say no to teamwork?”

Her smile was impish as she watched him. Even as she worked his pants open, Sakura’s eyes put forth an unspoken challenge. If it were anyone else, Kakashi might have been a bit trepidatious. “You’ll want to keep your eyes open…” She purred as she freed him, her hand moving over his heated flesh with lazy ease. “To be the lookout – of course.”

When her head ducked to taste his leaking tip, Kakashi haphazardly pushed his forehead protector away. He didn’t want to forget this – not one moment of it. She had left her hair down again, the curtain of pink falling over his thighs. Trying to see through the pleasure her swirling tongue caused, Kakashi scooped the hair on either side to hold it at the top of her head. Gently, he used his new handhold to guide her face downward.

“For a man that keeps everyone waiting, you’re terrible at having patience.” Peering at him through long lashes, Sakura smirked. “Remember, keep your eyes open…”

Even if Kakashi wanted to respond, his voice was lost as she took him in her mouth. Inch by inch, she sunk down on him, not even protesting when his grip tightened on her hair. Forcing himself to watch – as she so insisted – Kakashi held his breath. If he didn’t, he’d curse at the sight of her. When Sakura’s lips met where her small hand firmly held him, she looked up again. Kakashi licked his suddenly dry lips when she winked playfully. Hollowing her cheeks, Sakura’s hand fell away.

_Fuck… Is she…_ The hand in her hair practically locked in place as she continued downward. It was like a scene out of Icha Icha! With no indication of gagging, Sakura sunk down until her nose met his pelvis. She had taken _all_ of him. Kakashi’s eyes pinched closed in pleasure before her words echoed through his mind. He tried to pry them open, but failed spectacularly. That was – until he felt it. With his entire length down Sakura’s tight throat, she still managed to extend her tongue to lap at his balls.

“Fucking _shit_!” Kakashi hissed, unable to help himself. The sharingan captured every moment as his self-control gave under the pleasure she brought him.

Using his grip on her hair for control, Kakashi pulled Sakura’s head upward before forcing her back down. When she moaned lightly, he repeated the action. With each pass and encouraging whisper of a mewl from the woman between his legs, Kakashi’s pace grew more frantic. The feel of her mouth – the way she took all of him… it was like he was being blown for the first time.

“Shit, Sakura…” He groaned the whisper, ears only half-working, but still listening for their sleeping squad members. When Kakashi caught sight of the way she touched herself, he almost finished then and there. “You’re amazing…” He breathed, his teeth clenching when her lustful, watery eyes looked up at him. “You ready for me?”

She moaned low in response, her eyes squeezing shut. Watching the way her beautiful face contorted, Kakashi pushed her head down one last time, holding her in place as he emptied himself with a low moan. Even though he would have liked to keep Sakura right there, he finally released her hair so she could pull away with a gasp as her body shook with its own release.

It was official. Sakura Haruno had ruined him for other women.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys better appreciate these metric units. I only know freedom units so… xD Really though, I look up conversions because I feel like they’d probably use metric. Forgive my constant slip ups.
> 
> Whoever ordered the extra-long smutty chapter? Your order's up!
> 
> I tend to avoid oral sex in my fics. Not because I don't enjoy it [don't we ALL enjoy it], but because it's so hard to write! Kind of? For me, writing smut is a balancing act. Too far one way and it comes off as too chaste. Too far the other way, and it's crude. Balancing the dialogue/terminology/movements is a difficult thing when you're writing about someone choking on a dick XD
> 
> That uh... that second part surprised even me, tbh...
> 
> Me @ me this chapter  
> 
> 
> Also? A Moment of appreciation for Ponytail!Genma


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Twelve**

The second leg of their journey to Suna started in much higher spirits. Sakura made a point to talk with Yamato, avoiding both Genma’s wide grin and Kakashi’s dark eye. After hearing him curse from the pleasure she had brought him, Sakura wasn’t sure she could control herself anymore. When Yamato pulled ahead to speak with Kakashi, she was left to Genma’s mercy.

“He’s been whistling, you know.” He whispered, giddy at finally being able to torture her. “You did that thing with your tongue, didn’t you? No man can resist whistling after that.”

Sakura feigned boredom. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.” Still, she smiled.

“Brat.” Genma mumbled affectionately, his hands burying deep in his pockets. “So, does this mean you’re leaving me at the alter?”

Her smile fell a little. “No.” It was something she had been warring with since Kakashi told her not to marry Genma. “It’s fun and all… but Kakashi made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t even want to _talk_ about feelings. I can’t keep chasing after a man that’s always running.” Trying to pull herself from the heavy mood, Sakura smiled. “Guess you’re stuck with me.”

“Happily.” Genma threw his arm across Sakura’s shoulders, pulling her into his side. “As long as you keep doing that thing with your tongue.” He let out a loud _oof_ when she elbowed him in the ribs.

“Asshole.”

“Brat.” Releasing her, Genma rubbed at his side. “How much further are we, Yamato?”

Looking over the map in his hands, Yamato spun towards the north. “Kankurō is supposed to meet us here with a small party before sunset.”

Groaning, Sakura fell to sit in the sand. “Couldn’t they have sent someone other than that dick?”

“Hmm?” Kakashi looked up curiously from his book. “What’s wrong with Kankurō?”

“It’s a long story…”

“Lucky for you, we’ve got time.” Using his discarded Leaf bandana to wipe away the sweat at the back of his neck, Genma sank down next to her.

Book forgotten, Kakashi smiled behind his mask. “I’ve enjoyed your stories thus far. Why not tell us?”

Sighing, Sakura took a long drink from her canteen as the others watched her curiously. “Fine. I guess it all _really_ started when I was nineteen…”

_[Sakura: Age 19]_

_“Alright, girlie!”_ _Jiraiya nearly cheered as they walked through the hot Suna streets. They had stopped nearly a week ago with the intention of only staying one night. When Jiraiya caught sight of the women’s summer-wear in the desert village, he had decided to indefinitely extend their trip. “I’ve got a hot date, so you’re going to have to make yourself scarce!”_

_“We’re supposed to be heading towards the Hidden Rock today! Or did you forget about the scroll you promised to deliver? I can’t keep mooching off of Gaara, and we’re officially out of money.”_

_“Of course I didn’t forget! What kind of Sage do you take me for?” He scoffed, coming to a stop by the village’s northern entrance. “I’ve arranged for you to take it – with an escort, of course.”_

_Anger bubbled in Sakura’s veins. For the most part, Jiraiya was an attentive teacher… as long as there weren’t women around. After two years, she had learned quite a bit about chakra and strength control, but she was nowhere near ready to go on an A-Ranked mission without him. Even with an escort, she wouldn’t feel comfortable. Sensing her protest, Jiraiya shoved the scroll in her hands with a large smile._

_“He’ll be here any minute. Try to play nice, would’ya? We need this money.” And before she could protest, he was gone._

_“Jiraiya! Come back here, you pervy old Sage!” Several passerby’s turned to look at her, but the Sanin was nowhere in sight._

_“Oh man…” An annoyed voice cut in once Sakura’s near-echo died down. “When the Sage said I’d be escorting his apprentice, I thought he meant Naruto. I didn’t know I’d be playing bodyguard to some whiny chick…”_

“Oof.” Genma cut into Sakura’s story with a wince. “Never a good idea to call a lady whiny.”

“That’s true.” Yamato and Kakashi nodded along. As Sakura spoke, they had joined her on the warm sand, forming a funny little circle.

“I mean, either way, you lose. If she _is_ whiny, telling her would just make it worse.”

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” Sakura gave Genma a flat look.

“He does kind of have a point…” Kakashi mumbled under his breath.

Sighing, she bit off a piece of dried deer meat Yamato had supplied. “Anyway…”

_With narrowed eyes, Sakura turned. The last time she crossed paths with Kankurō had been during the Chūnin exams, and he hadn’t exactly made the best impression at the time. “Whiny chick?”_

_“You got another word for it?” He sneered as he hiked his puppet up higher. Despite staying with the Kazekage, Sakura hadn’t seen much of his siblings. The Chūnin exams were being hosted by Suna this year, and they had been busy with preparations. “Let’s get going. I promised Gaara I’d be back before Monday.”_

_“For someone with a sister like Temari, you’d think that you would have a little more respect for women.” Eyes narrowed, Sakura tucked the small scroll into one of the empty holsters at her waist as she fell into step beside him._

_“Temari’s not like the annoying chicks from other villages. She’s not into all that girly hair and makeup.”_

_“Because **you** use it all?” Sakura quipped, looking pointedly to the bold purple lines across Kankurō’s face. _

_When Jiraiya offered to share his face paint with Sakura as a symbol of their connection, she had been weary. Typically, face paint patterns and colors were passed down within clans and families. Occasionally – like in their case – it would be passed between master and student. She supposed that most of her hesitancy came from the fact that she felt as if she hadn’t earned it – not when there was still so much to learn. When she voiced her thoughts, Jiraiya simply scoffed and picked up a thin brush he usually reserved for delicate illustrations._

_‘Family isn’t just blood, girlie…’ He had said, his eyes narrowing as he dipped the brush in the crimson paint. ‘It’s who we feel a kinship to – who we would lay our lives down for.’ It was only shock that kept Sakura still as he touched the tip of the fine bristles to her lower lid. ‘Have you ever wondered why it is there are so many shinobi children left on their own when their parents fall in battle? It’s because they’re not alone – not really.’ He followed the first line with a second, angling outward. ‘The village is your family, Sakura. And so am I.’ Repeating the motion under the other eye, Jiraiya smiled. ‘There you go. Pretty as a picture.’ She wore the paint every day after that._

_“I don’t understand why Gaara is handing out our missions to foreign shinobi anyway.” Kankurō spoke for the first time in twenty minutes. With the Hidden Sand out of sight, he must have gotten bored with the lack of any external entertainment. “It’s not like we have a lot to spare.”_

_“Seems like something you should take up with him then.” All fight had left Sakura some time ago. Now, all she wanted was to finish the mission and leave the desert as soon as possible. With Jiraiya’s deadline approaching, she knew he would be on the move again before the week was out._

_They made it to a small village in the Hidden Earth before the sun finally set, casting them into a cool night. “Maybe we should just press forward.” Sakura offered when Kankurō wordlessly stopped along the main entrance. “The Tsuchikage was expecting us yesterday.”_

_“Relax.” Kankurō waved her off and started down what appeared to be the main road. “It’ll only be another half-day’s journey to Iwa. Besides, I’m starving.”_

_At the mention of food, Sakura’s uncooperative stomach gave a loud rumble. When Kankurō grinned, she simply huffed and looked away. “I won’t have any money until this mission is complete. We’re better off catching wild game.”_

_“What exactly are you hoping to catch out here?” He raised a painted brow and gestured to the large cliffs beyond the small village. It was true that Iwagakure was hardly the most welcoming environment, but surly there would be something to eat… “Don’t worry about it. You don’t need money.” She almost refused – if only because of how cocky his attitude had become at getting to play hero._

“Does this story end soon?” Genma sighed, having fallen backwards into the sand some time ago. “No offense, but it’s kind of a snooze-fest.”

“I thought the part with Jiraiya was nice.” Yamato smiled encouragingly.

“Have some patience.” Kakashi’s lone eye sparkled with mirth. Had hers held the same look the first time she told him to be patient? “Sakura’s stories usually pay off.”

“We’re getting to the good part.” Sakura gave him a small smile. “So, we find out that this village is actually pretty well populated. Naturally, Kankurō picks the nicest restaurant he can find – and proceeds to order half the menu…”

_“How are you still eating?” Sakura held her stomach wearily, wondering if she’d be able to keep her dinner down. When Kankurō told her to order whatever she wanted, she had picked the most expensive things on the menu out of spite. Hating to waste, she ate them… all of them._

_“It takes a lot of energy lugging Crow around!” He spoke through a mouthful of dumpling – his tone nearly defensive. “Besides, it’s not like I’m paying for it.”_

_Sakura paused, her nausea doubling, but for very different reasons. She looked ominously from the face-down bill on the end of their table to Kankurō’s gluttonous face. “What do you mean you’re not paying for it?” She whispered harshly, leaning across the table. “You said that I didn’t need money!”_

_“Well, yeah.” He shrugged. “I never have to pay in Wind. I just get them to send the bill to the Kazekage.” His chewing slowed. “What’s the big deal? Gaara’s good for it.”_

_Sakura felt a bead of sweat roll down her neck. Suddenly, it felt too hot in the small restaurant. Were they being watched? Why did it feel like they were being watched!? “You idiot! That might work in Wind Country, but we’re in Earth now! They’re not just going to take your word for it!”_

_“Eh?” Kankurō wiped at his mouth, eyes moving over the mountain of empty plates. “Are you sure about that?”_

_“Of course I am! This is a small town with no ties to Suna! Why would they just give you food because you promise that you’re the Kazakage’s brother, and that he’ll pay them back!?” Snatching the bill, Sakura flipped it over, her stomach rolling at the total. “That’s… a lot of zeros…”_

_Kankurō’s eye twitched. “O-okay. I have an idea!” He reasoned quickly. “I’ll take Crow and go talk to the owner. He’s distinctive, and I’m the only one in the west that can use puppet jutsu so well. He’ll have to believe me!” Standing, Kankurō lugged the puppet upward. “I’ll be right back!”_

_It took Sakura thirty minutes to figure out that she’d been ditched with the bill._

Genma’s laugher was by far the loudest, but the others were just as entertained. “Really, that one’s on you.” He wiped a nonexistent tear from the corner of his eye. “It’s a dick move for sure, but you should have seen it coming.”

“It’s not very nice to leave a lady with the bill.” Kakashi hummed, earning a chorus of ‘you’re one to talk’ from the other three.

“So how did you get out of it?” Yamato smiled lightly, standing as shadows on the horizon drew closer.

Rising, Sakura dusted the sand from her mission gear. “I washed dishes for the next two days. It was impossible to explain what had happened to the Tsuchikage. By the time I saw Kankurō again, he just acted like nothing had happened.”

Gritting her teeth in frustration, Sakura glared as the man in question approached with a small party. Ignoring her completely, he greeted the other three. It was going to be a long mission…

Kakashi had never been one for holidays. When he was younger, he had convinced himself that it wasn’t becoming of a shinobi to get excited about something as silly as Christmas. Once he was old enough to know better, he didn’t really have anyone to celebrate with. There were a few years when team seven were all together, but even then, he didn’t do the holiday justice. In Konoha, there was always the chance of snow around this time. In some ways, it helped shape the season. Even if Kakashi didn’t string lights or play jaunty music, it almost helped set the stage for Christmas. Here, in the dry Suna heat, it was almost easy to forget that it was even winter.

“You’re supposed to mingle at a party, you know.” Sakura’s peppy voice teased as she lowered herself onto the warm roof next to him. The sun had set hours ago, and yet everything about The Hidden Sand remained miserably hot. Below them, several dozen people exchanged gifts and well wishes, their voices meshing into one large collective tone of cheer. “Not much for Christmas?”

“More adverse to crowds, if I’m being honest.” Kakashi admitted with a small smile. He hadn’t bothered with his book this time – choosing to simply sit under the bright winter moon. “What about you? You seemed to be having fun when I slipped away.”

Sakura hummed, stretching her legs so they dangled over the edge. “Jiraiya always brought me to these kinds of parties. He thought it would be a good way for me to loosen up. I never really liked this time of year. Even when I was in the village… there’s something about being surrounded by so many people that makes you feel… lonely.”

He understood that well. “It used to make me think about my mother.” He wasn’t sure why he said it out loud. It was always there – in the back of Kakashi’s mind. Until now, he had been perfectly content to keep it that way. Not turning to look at her expression, he continued. “My father was always sadder – so I assumed that it was because of her. I asked once, but he didn’t answer. He just had this… this _look_. I couldn’t bring myself to ask after that.”

“What was she like?” Sakura asked after a brief moment. It was only because her small voice held more curiosity than pity that Kakashi finally caught her bright jade eyes.

“I never knew her.” He admitted, hating the way her lips tugged downward at the corners. “She died giving birth to me. When I was really young, my father would talk about her a lot. He’d show me pictures… she had a beautiful smile…” Kakashi’s voice trailed off, the image still clear in his mind. “As I got older, it was harder for him to talk about. I think it’s because I looked like her…” He brought his fingers to his masked cheek thoughtlessly.

“I’m sorry.” She said it simply, kindly. It was stated as a fact – nothing more, nothing less. “Is that why you cover your face?”

Shaking from his dark thoughts, Kakashi forced a smile, tugging down his mask in the process. “No. I cover it because I don’t want the women fighting over me in the streets.”

Snorting, Sakura resumed swinging her legs. “You’re a strange man, Hatake…” She mused. The way she said it made it feel heavier than just the casual words implied.

While her eyes were skyward, Kakashi took in her profile. Angular, yet soft… feminine, yet decidedly strong. The swell of her full lips and the spark in her minty eyes… Sakura was beautiful. Maybe it was a mistake getting involved with his ex-student. Maybe it was a mistake to even allow himself to be around her… but Kakashi couldn’t seem to walk away. With each day that passed, the image of young Sakura was slowly fading – blending into the colorful history of the woman that gave him secret smiles and playful nudges.

Kakashi would let her go when it was time. Genma wasn’t the man for Sakura, but he was a far better choice than the broken shell of her ex-sensei. “Sakura…”

When she pulled her eyes away from the stars to him, Kakashi reached out. Letting his rough fingers move across the soft skin of her cheek, Kakashi pulled her face towards his. _For now… she was his._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my ‘filler episode’ chapter. I felt like after how sexy heavy the last chapter was, we needed some levity xD  
> Besides, it gives us a glance back at younger Sakura/Jiraiya. It’s something I wanted to introduce earlier, but got caught up in the main plot.  
> In this and the next few chapters, I’ll hit a lot of holiday themes/traditions. These are all based off Western/American celebrations (and some I made up for shits and giggles). I know they wouldn’t have the same customs (even modern day), but hey – it’s the holiday season for realsies!
> 
> I have no idea about the face paint/family/clan thing. It seems plausible though, doesn’t it??
> 
> We STAN Jiraiya/Sakura family love!  
>   
> 


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

** Thirteen **

Sakura read over several files before separating them accordingly. Although she hadn’t arrived in Suna with any real purpose other than to put on a show, she had offered to help Gaara in the Kazekage office. When worry was raised about security, she offered to help arrange communications between Suna and Konoha. Despite the protests of his advisors, Gaara allowed Sakura to do so.

During Sakura’s stay in the Hidden Sand at nineteen, she had managed to work up a friendship with Gaara. Granted, it wasn’t the closest of friendships, but they got along well enough. Even more so after he was forced to bail her out after Kankurō left her high and dry in Earth Country. Although Sakura enjoyed her time with Jiraiya, it had been nice to have someone her own age to talk to while she was in Suna.

“Another correspondence from Naruto.” Gaara declared one morning, nearly two weeks into their mission. “We were right. Mei found an abandoned camp just north of Kiri.”

Although Sakura wasn’t supposed to be privy to secret information, Naruto had all but given Gaara the greenlight to involve the Leaf nin. Save for Genma, of course. If only because he didn’t seem to want to know. He was more of the muscle than brains type. After a week in Suna, Kakashi had pointed out that The Sand was the second hidden village that seemed to be on watch – with Cloud being the first.

This had prompted an immediate call between the five nations. It seemed that each of them had some interaction with Orochimaru or his men. “I don’t get it.” Sakura placed her stack of folders on the edge of Garra’s desk. “Why? Why go after all five major villages? It’s a suicide mission.” 

Narrowed cerulean eyes moved over the map that had made its home amongst the towers of paperwork. “He’s not trying to attack us.” Gaara finally declared. “He’s trying to mess with us.”

“That seems equally as stupid…” Sakura rounded the desk to peer over Gaara’s shoulder. “With war around the corner, why waste his time and resources?”

“Because it’s forcing us to do the same.” He pointed to the little green tacks that represented Leaf nin. “He’s forcing Naruto to spread his people too thin. He knows that Naruto’s heart will cause him to act against logic.” The man frowned and leaned back in his chair. “It might be beneficial to have you return to Konoha. If that truly is Orochimaru’s plan, an attack can come any day now.”

Biting her lip, Sakura silently agreed. It was only the look on Gaara’s face that pulled her away from thoughts of war. “Gaara… can I ask you something? Not as the Kazekage, but as a friend?”

Blinking in surprise, he nodded curtly. “Always.”

“You and Naruto…” His face went through a full range of emotions before settling. “Do you love him?”

The smallest of smiles curved his thin lips. “Very much so.”

Sakura’s heart broke at the defeated tone. She would have never expected it from someone like Gaara. The man always seemed to have a grip on his emotions. “Then why did you both choose these paths? Why become Kage if it pulled you away from each other?”

His mild surprise was washed away by a humorless smile. “You know how badly Naruto has always wanted to be Hokage. As for me… well, it wouldn’t have made a difference.” The confusion must have been clear on her face, because he continued. “Love isn’t always enough, Sakura. Not for a shinobi. Our lives are signed away the moment we graduate. We’re nothing but tools. This is especially true for Naruto and I.”

“I’m sorry…” She hated that his words made sense. “Why _especially_ Naruto and you?”

This smile was a little more genuine. “It always warms me when people seem to forget. It makes me happy to know that you see us for who we are.” Another wave of sadness. “But at our core… Naruto and I are Jinchūriki.” _Oh…_ Sakura _had_ forgotten. “Although the five nations are in a time of peace, that peace is unsteady. There are still issues of trust and loyalty. One nation possessing two Jinchūriki would be just the type of thing to have us at war with each other.”

A thought occurred to Sakura. “Do you think that’s what Orochimaru is doing?” She asked abruptly. “He’s stretching Naruto thin so that if he _doesn’t_ jump to another Nation’s aid, it causes hostility?”

Humming, eyes narrowed, Gaara shuffled through his files. “That’s an interesting thought. It would imply that he was stalling not out of want, but necessity. It could mean that he had no hope of beating the five major shinobi villages as a unit.”

“So he’s trying to keep you apart.” Sakura finished. Whether or not that was true, was another question. “Even if we could convince all five Kage to work together, it wouldn’t be easy. Taking up arms with the Hidden Leaf would leave their own villages exposed, and Orochimaru has made a show of getting close enough to attack.”

Standing, Gaara grabbed four blank scrolls with the official crest of Sunagakure. “Round up the others in your party. I want this theory to reach each Kage personally.” As Sakura moved to the door, Gaara paused. “Sakura…” When she met his gaze, his mood seemed to mellow. “Did you find it was enough? Love?”

She breathed deeply at the loaded question. “Do I think love is enough?” Sakura spared him a small smile. “Not when it’s one-sided. There’s only so much a person can give before having to take a bit. It might be selfish… but I think I’m going to love myself a little more than anyone else.”

Kakashi had been surprised at the conclusion Sakura had managed to reach with the Kazekage. Although it certainly made sense, it also spoke of greater danger than Kakashi had anticipated. Even though he had lived through war and countless battles, there was something about the unknown that almost made this one feel… insubstantial? It was like he had needed to hear a viable motivation before accepting it as fact.

Wasting no time, the four of them set out for the Hidden Leaf – leaving under the cover of night in case Orochimaru was still watching Suna. Despite the urgency of their mission, Genma insisted on stopping halfway to the village. Unprepared for their hasty departure, the other man had partaken of the Sand’s New Year saké. Although mostly sober, he had started to fall behind.

Sakura had volunteered to take the first watch, but Kakashi found himself unable to leave her alone by the campfire. Their mission had almost felt like a vacation, and once the war started….

“You should get some rest.” She looked up from the mission report she had been drafting for the last hour. “It’s almost midnight.”

“Would be a shame to sleep through the shifting of years.” Kakashi gave her an easy smile as he lowered himself onto the ground beside her. “It’s bad luck.” He looked pointedly to where Genma and Yamato snored in their bedrolls.

“Is that so?” Even with her soft whisper, her tone held an edge of teasing. “I suppose you subscribe to Jiraiya’s belief that you ought to start the new year off with a kiss, then?”

“Just a kiss?” He smirked when she nudged him. “Can’t say I’ve ever taken part in that particular tradition. But if you insist, I wouldn’t want to appear culturally insensitive.”

Sakura snorted, rolling up the forgotten scroll to give him her full attention. Kakashi basked in it. “Don’t look at me. The only tradition I had for New Year’s was sneaking a bottle of my parent’s saké and hiding away from the parties.”

He chuckled. “I knew there was a reason you were always my favorite.”

“Shut up. I was not.” When Sakura rolled her bright eyes, Kakashi lifted a brow. “What – seriously!?” Losing control of her voice for a second, she cleared her throat. “Why? Because I inflated your ego?”

“That didn’t hurt.” Kakashi admitted with a shrug, shifting so that he was facing her more. “It was because you were no one.” At her frown, he realized that he could have worded that better. “It’s not meant to be an insult – please don’t take it that way.”

“You’re pretty shit at compliments then.” Her words made him smile, but he could see that she was still hurt.

“Honestly, Sakura…” He reached out to cover her hand with his own – unthinking in the action but finding that he quite enjoyed it. “With Sasuke, I knew what to expect. He was the last Uchiha – and I was familiar with the sharingan. Even before he graduated, people were talking about how amazingly talented he was. With Naruto, it was a mix of the Nine-Tails and being the Fourth Hokage’s son. Even if people feared him, they only did so because of the power they knew he held.”

“So clearly, you favored the girl with no shinobi blood.” Even if her words were tense, she didn’t pull her hand from his. “It’s okay, Kakashi. You don’t have to flatter me. I know I wasn’t exactly making waves at twelve.”

“No. But like I said, that’s why you were my favorite.” He smiled again. “Naruto and Sasuke had reputations. Sasuke fought to live up to his, while Naruto ran as fast as he could in the other direction. They both had a natural talent and name that would carry them as far as they wanted to go… but you never let that stop you. You tried so hard to keep up with them. When you got knocked down, you just jumped back up. A lot of other Genin would have given up or chosen to ride their coattails. You fought to be _seen_.”

In the glow of the campfire, Kakashi could just make out the blush that colored Sakura’s cheeks. “My motivations-“

“Don’t diminish your accomplishments.”

It was out of habit that Kakashi finally released Sakura’s hand and reached for the crown of her head. There was a suspended moment where his fingers twitched, and her cat-like eyes shifted to them. The gesture of putting a hand on Sakura’s head had been familiar at one point in time. But now… it felt _wrong_. Instead, Kakashi twisted his wrist and moved to cup the back of her neck. Slowly, his thumb ran along her jaw. _I love you_. The words ripped through Kakashi’s mind the moment their eyes locked. It was only thanks to decades of being a shinobi that he was able to keep the pained expression from manifesting on his face.

It had been coming for a while – he knew that it had… but it still hurt. He would never be the right choice for Sakura. Loving her didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t his to love. “Happy New Year, Sakura.”

With a small smile, she pulled at his mask – a gesture that felt almost intimate. When his lips were finally freed, she leaned in to place a soft kiss there. “Happy New Year, Kakashi.”

Sakura practically held her breath as she watched Naruto read over Gaara’s letter. Once their official mission report was handed in, Naruto dismissed Yamato and Genma. Sakura had been worried when he asked them to remain, but it seemed as if Naruto simply wanted his old teammates around. Although they had only been gone about three weeks, Konoha had practically turned into a ghost town in their absence.

Most stores remained closed throughout the day, and those that opened didn’t get much patronage. Even if no one spoke their fears, they could be felt. Orochimaru didn’t have to attack. The mere thought of him doing so was ruining the village. Frowning, Naruto finally looked up at them.

“This isn’t good.” Discarding the scroll, he reached into his desk drawer to retrieve a bottle of saké. If Sakura wasn’t mistaken, it was the preferred brand of Lady Fifth. “I can’t ask the other villages to come to our aid and leave their own open for an attack. But that’s what Orochimaru wants.” He poured himself a small cup and drank it down quickly.

“It’s more information than we had a month ago.” Kakashi offered as Naruto absentmindedly rubbed at the small purple diamond on his forehead. “Shikamaru is an excellent strategist.” 

“Yeah, but we’re running out of time.” Standing, Naruto moved to the large window that faced the Hokage monument. “I’m calling a meeting for tomorrow morning, but you guys might as well know now… Orochimaru has attacked a small village outside of our walls.”

Sakura’s breath caught, her eyes widening as Naruto remained perfectly still. “But that means…”

“It’s not speculation anymore.” Turning, Naruto gave them what Sakura assumed was supposed to be a smile. “The war is here.”

Naruto’s words seemed to echo through her as he continued to speak of strategy and stations. The morning would bring about the first official orders, and with them… the war. It could last days… It could last years. No one knew what to expect other than a high death count.

So preoccupied with her thoughts, Sakura had hardly noticed when she left the Hokage Tower to walk down the deserted streets. It was only when Kakashi placed a hand on her shoulder that Sakura blinked back into awareness. They were outside of his building – on the opposite end of the village as her own.

“Sorry…” She shook her head. “I guess I was in my own head.”

“It’s understandable.” Hands buried deep in his pockets, Kakashi’s lone eye gave nothing away. “Do you want to come in?”

Her first instinct was to ask if he was worried people would see. That was quickly excused when she remembered that there _were no_ people around. “Yeah…”

Soon, she would have to go home and prepare. But for a little while… she could pretend. “I’ll put on some tea.” Kakashi let Sakura enter before him, carelessly toeing off his shoes before moving to the kitchen. “You can make yourself comfortable.”

Although Sakura had only been to Kakashi’s place a handful of times, it was just as she remembered it. The walls and décor were sparse, unless she counted the three bookshelves filled to the brim. Well, it _had_ been three. It seemed two more were added since her last visit. A large basket sat under the lone window, practically overflowing with different sized dog toys. Some were so destroyed, that they were more like _husks_ of former dog toys.

Moving to the window, Sakura picked up the frame that held team seven’s original photo. She had been so happy that day – so unaware of what being a shinobi really meant. “Ah.” Kakashi hummed as he peered over her shoulder. “I haven’t looked at that in quite a while.”

Replacing the photo, Sakura took the offered mug with a knowing smile. “Guilt?”

With a nervous scratch to the back of his head, Kakashi shrugged. “That obvious?”

“It’s okay, Kakashi.” She assured, moving to the well-worn couch. That was the same too, if not a little more faded by time. “I understand. Really, I do.”

He waited until she settled before lowering himself to sit next to her. Eyeing her skeptically, Kakashi peeled away his mask to sip on his tea. “Is that so?”

“Well, as much as I can, I suppose.” She shrugged. “A couple of months ago I saw Konohamaru and thought… he’s kinda hot now.” She smiled when he raised a brow. “But there was this moment after the thought left where I just felt… _wrong_. Like, he’s still the annoying brat I remembered, but he’s _not_.”

“Fair enough.” She could tell from his small smile that he didn’t view the two as the same at all, and maybe they weren’t. Not when the gap was so large. “So tell me… do you regret returning to the village?”

She assumed at he was asking because of the war, not her finding little Konohamaru’s adult form a lot more pleasing. “Of course not!” She chided, taking a sip of her tea before placing it on the coffee table to cool. “The war was one of the things that pulled me back to the village. I can’t believe that was the better part of a year ago…”

“Time seems to move quicker and quicker as you get older – trust me.” His mug joined her own as he gave her a crooked smile. _After everything… your smile still makes my heart race…_

“You always talk as if you’re ancient.” She scoffed, leaning back into the plush leather. “You’ve still got a lot to see and do, you know.”

“Unless you’re referring to retirement, I assure you, I don’t.”

His eyebrows rose in question at her frown. “You’re not even forty, Kakashi! Don’t you want to get married? Have a flock of baby Hatake to terrorize the village with?” She smiled when he gave a short laugh. “At the very least, there has to be something that you want to do.”

“I don’t know about all that…” He hummed, reaching out to brush her hair away from her neck. When that dark eye moved to her face, Sakura felt heat flood her body. “But I can start by doing you.”

* * *

Idk if you guys care, especially at this point, but this song has been like my anthem while writing this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which MM remembers that there’s an actual plot to be addressed. 
> 
> I love GaaNaru, but I don’t see it coming together for them, man. T_T they need their own happy ending! I made everyone’s relationship so fucking dramatic lawl.


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Fourteen**

There was something melancholy in the way Kakashi kissed her. Something heavy in the way his hands peeled away her clothes, but made sure never to leave her body for too long. By the time she was backed into his bedroom, Sakura understood. He was saying goodbye.

Although Naruto hadn’t confirmed that they would each lead their own platoon, it had been implied. Come morning, they would march to two different battlefields. How long would it be until Sakura saw Kakashi this time? A year? Another decade? Never…

This time, it was her that pulled away his headband. She wanted to watch the lazy swirl of that eye one more time. The eye that had seen into her scared soul at twelve. The eye that peered down at her with hunger at twenty-five. She wanted to memorize it, even as it was memorizing her.

Sakura hardly noticed when her bindings were cut away, or when Kakashi rid himself of the last of his clothing. It was only when their naked bodies came together on the silly shuriken sheets that Sakura came back to her conscious mind. It felt like all Sakura ever did was say goodbye to those she loved – and that was the truth of it. She _loved_ Kakashi. Maybe, in some ways, she had never stopped. This love was different, and terrifying, and _everything_ she had ever wanted.

And he would never know.

Sakura’s eyes slid closed as Kakashi’s mouth covered her neck and chest in hot open-mouthed kisses. She wouldn’t cry – not now. Not when she could finally have him in some way.

When his mouth rejoined her own, Sakura didn’t dare open her eyes. When her fingers dug into his taunt shoulders, and her legs wrapped around his thin waist, she didn’t dare open her eyes. When he lined himself up, his forehead pressing lightly to her own – Sakura _couldn’t_ open her eyes. It was too real – too intense. If she opened her eyes now, he would see right through her. He would see the way she loved him. He would see the way she had _always_ loved him.

“Sakura…” Her name was a whisper – nearly inaudible over the clinking chimes by the open bedroom window. “Look at me, Sakura…” It was a plea, not a command.

 _I’m always looking at you, Kakashi…_ Taking a deep breath, Sakura’s lashes fluttered upward. Those beautiful mismatched eyes held her captive instantly. Did he hate what he saw there? Is that why he was frowning? With one long finger, Kakashi wiped away the tear she hadn’t felt escape.

“I’m sorry…” It was silly to apologize, but it was almost a reflex.

“Don’t apologize.” Kakashi’s head dipped so he could kiss one eyelid, and then the other. When his mouth captured Sakura’s, he entered her slowly. “Don’t cry…”

She arched away from the soft mattress as Kakashi held her close. His movements were slow – purposeful. Every time they joined, he would whisper a small encouragement or apology. Every time he withdrew, he would place a kiss to her heated skin. Although sex was nothing new to Sakura, _this_ was. Maybe it was the kind tone of his voice, or the way her own feelings made her chest feel so full it could burst, but it felt a lot like making love.

“You once asked me a question – one I don’t think I was ready to answer until now. How do I view you?” Kakashi’s breath was soft, coming in pants that accentuated his slow thrusts.

_‘You’re a strong girl with an astonishing drive to impress her superiors.’_

“You’re an amazingly strong woman – in every aspect of the word… You achieved that strength through tears, and trials, and unrelenting will…” A quick kiss to her temple. “And no matter how small the part I played was, I’m immensely thankful to _have_ been part of what shaped the incredible woman that you’ve become.”

A small whimper pulled from Sakura’s throat, her body on fire and her heart painfully full.

_‘You’re a caring friend. Though, you never let others cloud your judgment’_

“You have the biggest heart that I’ve ever known. When you love something or someone, you’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy. I don’t think I’ve ever given that particular trait the appreciation it was due.”

“K-Kakashi…” She managed to breathe his name through the mounting pleasure. He kissed away a new set of tears, his thrusts faltering from the steady pace he had set.

“Almost…” He grunted, watching her with heavy eyes.

_‘And you’re on track to be a very impressive kunoichi.’_

“You told me once that you wanted to be one of the best kunoichi Konoha has ever known. I think that you achieved that goal a long time ago, Sakura. Beyond that… You’re one of the most incredible people that _I’ve_ ever known. Not because of your skill, or strength. But because you’re _you_.”

Her nails bit into his back, her vision nothing but hazy spots. Not now – he couldn’t say it _now!_

“Because of your smile, because of your spirit, because of the way that you _can_ love with your whole heart… Because I-“

“Don’t!” She managed to croak out. “No-t when it’s goodbye…” Sakura wanted to protest further, but her voice was stolen by a gentle cry as she was pulled into the white-hot fires of pleasure.

Kakashi kissed her to muffle the noise, a deep groan joining in her chorus as he finished behind her. Even when their bodies were cooling, and their pulses were leveling, he remained. The way Kakashi kissed her deeply and fully then, was the way Sakura had always longed for. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was an unspoken torrent of emotion.

And when he finally moved to lay beside her, Sakura wondered just what it would have been like to hear him say those words. She had imagined it more times than she could count… but she didn’t want to hear them out of fear or sadness. She wanted Kakashi to love her even when they weren’t about to march off to war. She wanted him to _mean_ it.

When his breathing grew heavy and even, Sakura carefully slipped from the bed to gather her clothes. Morning was only a few hours away, and she still needed to prepare for departure. Once she was fully dressed, she paused to look over Kakashi’s sleeping features. Would they ever get another night like this one?

Leaning carefully on the mattress, Sakura placed a soft kiss to his brow. “I _am_ sorry… It seems I’m still in love with you, Kakashi…”

“You ready for this, girlie?” Jiraiya asked as they stopped on the roof of the Hokage building. Sakura had spent the remainder of her morning packing and speaking with Jiraiya, but didn’t feel a bit tired. She knew that it would catch up to her eventually, but the anticipation was knotting her stomach.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She gave him a trying smile that became a little more genuine when he placed a hand on her head. “Really, Jiraiya. I’m okay.”

He eyed her before letting his hand fall away. They were guaranteed to be separated. “If anything, send Gamariki to me, okay?”

“Of course. As long as you promise not to do anything stupid.” They exchanged one more quick look before dropping down and through the open window into Naruto’s packed office.

Through the sea of Jōnin, Genma managed to find her first. “There you are! I was beginning to think you went AWOL. Even Hatake beat you here.” His senbon bounced with every word.

“Kakashi’s already here?” Her eyes scanned the crowd for any hint of silver hair.

“Yeah, Naruto had a question for him though.” His eyes skimmed Sakura. “Why do you ask? Hoping to get in a final goodbye?”

“Not all of us are obsessed with sex.” Smirking, she finally looked back to Genma. “Speaking of which – wedding’s off.”

“Oh?” His brows raised along with the corners of his mouth. “Way to break my heart before sending me off to battle, brat.”

“You’re full of shit, Shiranui. Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you intentionally pissed him off.” They shared a wide smile before Sakura remembered why they were there. “Whichever way this goes… be careful out there.”

Removing the senbon for only a minute, Genma leaned in and placed an affectionate kiss to the corner of her mouth. “You too.”

“Alright, alright!” Lady Fifth broke up the chatter in the room as she entered with a haggard looking Naruto and several others. Kakashi seemed to find her right away in the crowd, their eyes locking before Tsunade spoke again. “I’m sure you all know why you’re here. None of you can keep a secret.”

“That’s fair…” One voice rang out, followed by murmuring.

“The Chūnin and upper-tier Genin have already been divided into groups based on skillset, specialty, and capability.” Naruto spoke now, his Hokage robes missing in favor of a bright orange outfit. “Shikamaru is going to hand out groupings, so pay attention!”

Looking completely detached, Shikamaru waved a clipboard around. “I’ve spent the last month working out these groups, so don’t complain, alright? This is enough of a drag without you lot crying about it.

“There are six groups total. One for each of the four carnal points of the country. One for emergency field reinforcement, and one that will stay behind and work as communications, and a last line of defense in case the other teams fail.”

The callous way he spoke made a chill run up Sakura’s spine. Shikamaru wasn’t any more familiar with war than Sakura was, and yet he spoke like a seasoned general. Was it all an act? Was he confident in whatever plans he and Naruto had managed to cook up?

“The first team is communications. I will be heading that team myself. The second, will be our Northern Team. Team lead will be Hatake, Kakashi.”

Sakura’s eyes cut to him only to find that he was already watching her. She opened her mouth to say something before realizing that she _couldn’t_. Taking a deep breath, she managed to mouth just two words. _Be careful._ It might have been her imagination, but she could have sworn that singular eye softened.

“Heading up the Western Team will be Haruno, Sakura.” Her gaze snapped back to Shikamaru at the sound of her name. Naruto wanted her to lead an entire team? She had never even led a mission... “The Eastern Team will be led by Yamato. The Southern Team will be led by Yamanaka, Ino.” There was the smallest of hesitations in Shikamaru’s voice before he said her name. Clearing his throat, he looked around the room. “Reserves will answer to the Sanin Jiraiya and Tsunade. They know Orochimaru best, so the moment there is a confirmed sighting, we want word at H.Q. The rest of you will find your assigned teams listed here.”

The clipboard began to make its way around as Sakura pushed through the crowd. She wanted to talk to Kakashi – to say a real goodbye. By the time she made it to where he had been standing, he was gone. Around her, several people began to push and talk – each wanting to know what she needed them to do before departure. Slightly daze, Sakura promised to have actual orders for them as soon as she learned more about their final destination from Naruto.

“Naruto…” She managed to catch him between conversations. “You could have given me a heads up!”

“Sorry, Sakura.” He smiled wearily. “It was a last-minute decision between you and Genma. Kakashi actually helped me make the final choice.” This gave Sakura pause. He had chosen her to lead? “Here!” Naruto shoved a scroll and a small piece of paper in her hand. “The scroll has your orders. The note is from Kakashi.”

Staring slightly terrified at the simple page, Sakura tucked it safely into one of her pouches before breaking the seal on the scroll. She was to lead twenty men west and hold down the fort there until Gaara’s men could join them. It seemed that he had leant a hundred abled-bodies to Konoha’s frontlines. Once contact was made, she would lead a small platoon north while Garra’s men took over the western front. So, she would see Kakashi again… within the next few months, if the timelines were correct.

Shouting out a time to meet at the western gate, Sakura made an excuse to slip away. Standing in the quiet of the enclosed stairwell, she slowly unfolded Kakashi’s note. Breathing a small, watery laugh, Sakura read the words three times just to make sure.

_I love you too_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the whole ‘how do you see me’ secondary speech was something I’ve had written out for a while. I had originally planned to use it later on in a big show-stopping kind of confession, but there was something really sad and beautiful about putting it here. In a lot of ways, I feel like it made the words mean more. Yes, it’s still ~~slightly~~ grandiose, but the delivery method completely changed Sakura’s reaction. I think I like this version more.
> 
> I warred with myself over Sakura’s love for Kakashi for a long time. I wanted there to be an aspect of ‘true love – always loved him’, but with the realistic approach of not _knowing_ him [shots fired, Boruto SasuSaku]. At the same time, I wanted her to come to terms with that love as an adult. At a younger age, it was more of an obsession. Learning about his eye, and his mother, and all the little playful nuances really pushed those ‘crush’ feelings into a realm of adult love.
> 
> More than the actual love story, it was really important for me to have Sakura grow to love herself in a way that would make loving someone else healthy and viable. And you can really see the way she came around mentally and emotionally through these quotes:
> 
> _➳ “With renewed vigor, Sakura adjusted her hold on the blade. She would see this mission through. She would be strong enough to impress Kakashi-Sensei. She would prove that she wasn’t a waste of his time and knowledge.”_
> 
> _➳ “I know that Kakashi-Sensei probably values strength above looks, so I’m trying to be someone notable… someone that he would actually see.”_
> 
> _➳ “She had been so sure of her love in her younger years, but that had been a different Sakura. Not to mention, a different Kakashi. She couldn’t love the man at her side, because she knew nothing about him.”_
> 
> _➳ “Back then, she would have sworn her love for her sensei. Now, she was just starting to grasp her feelings for the man she had been getting to know again.”_
> 
> _➳ “If you want to linger on the girl I used to be, that’s your choice. You’re the one that’s going to miss out, because I like the woman I’ve become.”_
> 
> _➳ “There’s only so much a person can give before having to take a bit. It might be selfish… but I think I’m going to love myself a little more than anyone else.”_
> 
> I know this chapter is short, but it just felt right to end it there, ya know?
> 
> I had originally wanted Sakura to go off to war not knowing how Kakashi felt, but damn these characters and their demand to be sappy! I can’t help it guys – I have no control anymore.


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Fifteen**

Although Sakura had no romantic ideals about war, she hadn’t quite expected it to reach the level of carnage it had in only two short months. It felt like each week brought about more death in a new and creative way. Perhaps that had little to do with actual war, and more to do with the madman they were going up against.

“Get him to the medical tents!” Sakura screamed, pulling her sabre from the stomach of a reanimated shinobi. She hadn’t even recognized this one. Her troops were doing their best to seal the bodies, but they were so _fast_.

“Sakura!” Genma’s hoarse voice pulled her attention. “You need to get out of here!” She cursed under her breath, twisting to bring her blade down on a new enemy. He was right. Her _Sage Mode_ had fizzled away some time ago, and her chakra was practically depleted.

The first two weeks at the western front had been easy enough. They simply kept their ears and eyes open, biding their time until the Sand shinobi made an appearance. And then it began – the sickness. By the third week, five of Sakura’s men were in the ground. They were forced to send for aid when the symptoms grew faster than the healers could handle. It started with something as simple as a fever or an upset stomach. Soon, the sickness ate away at the host’s chakra – leaving them weak and defenseless. It wasn’t until Shizune arrived and did an assessment that Sakura learned their water supply had been poisoned. Even when Tsunade herself joined in the relief effort, they were only able to starve off the effects. Now, weeks later, people still carried the signs.

Sakura knew from the way they watched her that they were expecting the worst. She refused to go in for a full analysis, not wanting to know the truth. Either way… she couldn’t leave the warfront. With Shizune’s arrival came news even more devastating than the idea of being poisoned… Kakashi had been taken hostage.

It was only the third week of the war when the northern front was hit hard. Thousands of reanimated corpses, each stronger than the last. The reanimated Obito Uchiha had been the one to take back the sharingan from Kakashi. It was only thanks to Tsunade’s medical skills and Naruto’s immense chakra that they were able to patch what remained into a semi-working left eye for him. But no sooner was Kakashi on the mend, then he was taken away by Kabuto. No one said as much, but they believed he would appear again as just another zombie in the crowd.

“Hold down the line!” Sakura commanded, ignoring the worried look in her friend’s eyes. She was pale and drawn – nearly every inch caked with dirt and blood. “I’ll be back!”

They had been pushed back – the actual battle only a couple of kilometers from the medical tents. Even now, they were packing up and getting ready to move back towards the village. When Sakura stumbled, a slimy tongue caught her around the waist. Gamariki. She had forgotten that she summoned him. Righting herself, Sakura gave the toad a small smile.

“Sorry, Riki. I didn’t mean to ignore you.” It was with great effort that she sheathed her sabre, her finger habitually running over the Hatake crest. She wasn’t like the others. Kakashi might have been captured, but _no one_ was as strong as he was. She would simply buy him more time. Sakura held onto her denial with both hands.

“Sakura…” Riki appeared to frown. “Jiraiya will be here by sunrise. Maybe you should consider –“

“No.” Sakura cut him off with a quick glare. They all said the same things. _Maybe you should take some time… Maybe you should go to the hospital within the village… Maybe you should let the healers see how far the sickness has progressed._ They didn’t understand – they couldn’t. “Thanks…” She sighed, smiling at her summon. “Why don’t you head back? I’ll summon you if I need you.”

“Haruno!” The stern voice could be heard over the audible pop of Gamariki’s exit. “Naruto is going to be here soon, and he’s requested you by his side.” Lady Tsunade’s glare was intense as she gave Sakura the once-over. “Now, I personally don’t care if you want the war to take you out before the sickness does, but I want you to see a medic. I won’t have you passing out with my kid’s life on the line!”

Sakura looked between the woman’s angry face and the tent flap she held open. Even as her jaw shook, Sakura clenched it. Maybe the Sanin could bully her, but a medic couldn’t. Sighing through her nose, she stepped weakly into the tent. When she saw it was Hinata that waited inside, Sakura nearly cheered. Hinata, she could handle.

“Hello, Sakura.” There it was again – that same pitying smile. Though, she wasn’t sure if it was because of her hollowed state or the fact that _everyone_ seemed to know about she and Kakashi. “Lady Fifth has asked me to assess your – ah… wellness.”

“She wants to know how much longer I have?” Sakura laughed without humor. _They probably shouldn’t ask questions they don’t want to know the answers to_. Pulling herself onto the exam table, Sakura winced as several fresh cuts protested.

“You’ve been sick for a while. You must have an impressive chakra reserve to still be fighting.” Hinata’s glowing hands started over Sakura’s heart, moving downward as she spoke. “Though I see your core is weak…” Her voice trailed off as she probed deeper. With the byakugan activated, Hinata focused on Sakura’s channels. After all, the sickness started there and spread outward. After a moment, Hinata’s concentration gave way to morbid shock. “S-Sakura.”

“Don’t.” Sakura knew what she was going to say, and it was the last thing she wanted to hear. There wasn’t enough time – there never seemed to be enough time. If Hinata said it, it would become real. “I know, okay? Just… don’t.”

“But, Sakura… I have to insist-“

“I said no!” Sakura slapped the woman’s hands away as she hopped down. “You have to keep this between us, right? Doctor-patient and all that? So keep it to yourself.”

Since Naruto wasn’t set to arrive for a few hours, Sakura took the opportunity to meditate and try to replenish her chakra. Her sabre didn’t necessarily require any, but it was never a good idea to walk into battle with only hand-to-hand up your sleeve. But no matter how much Sakura tried to build, she felt nearly half of it being sucked away. It hadn’t been a problem at first, but fighting day and night took its toll. It didn’t help that Sakura hardly slept. She only ate because she was forced to. And when she wasn’t fighting, eating, or attempting to sleep… she was thinking of him.

 _Kakashi…_ The man with the beautiful smile and kind eyes. The one that held her heart – even now. She wouldn’t believe he was dead… or worse. There was too much left unsaid between them for that.

When Naruto’s arrival was announced, Sakura had regained enough strength to stand and walk a bit straighter. That didn’t change the horrified expression Naruto gave her when they met face to face. Sakura knew that she looked awful – even under the blood and dirt. Her lips were pale, and her cheeks sunken in. It took extra rations just to make sure that she didn’t lose any weight.

“About time you showed up.” She tried, smiling lightly. “Got tired of sitting in your tower?”

“Sakura…” He reached for her, but Sakura batted his hand away.

“Don’t give me that look, Naruto. I’ve been through worse. What’s the game plan?”

The sun had already set, but the glow of jutsu and fire in the distance gave the world and eerie aura. Seemingly sighing in defeat, Naruto frowned. “The biggest problem we have now is the number of reanimated soldiers. We can’t lock them down long enough to seal them all.”

“I could hold them still with one of my _Sage_ jutsu’s but I don’t have the chakra to right now…” She felt nearly ashamed at the admission. Her whole life, Sakura had strived for power and strength… It was almost comically ironic.

Chewing his lip, Naruto gave her a onceover. “I could help… I could channel my seal’s chakra through you… but it’ll take its toll.” When she nearly perked at the news, his frown deepened. “It could kill you, Sakura! I know you’re stronger than most people, but the sickness…”

“How many will die if we don’t do this?” She countered, feeling guilty as his face twisted in pain. All Naruto had ever wanted was to take care of the village and people he loved. “I’m stronger than you think, Naruto. And I have things worth living for. I’m not going to give up just yet.”

He doubted her, and maybe he was right to do so. Risking this much didn’t sit well with Sakura either, but what was the alternative? Let those zombies push back to the village walls? If that happened, they would all die anyway. Besides, they weren’t going to draw Orochimaru out while so many of his pawns stood. If Sakura had learned anything over the years, it was that men like him didn’t move unless they were sure of themselves or forced.

“Okay.” Naruto finally conceded. “Sasuke is waiting on the southern border with Ino’s troops. He’s sure Orochimaru is coming from the west – slowing down Suna’s men.” Sakura was surprised to hear the Uchiha’s name spill so casually from his lips. “Bee’s men returned to the cloud, and the other village reinforcements are still en route. If we do this, we’re only gonna have one shot.”

“It’s a good thing we work well together then.” Sakura took his hand, smiling lightly. Although sadder, Naruto returned it with one of his own. “Let’s go.”

The front line was calmer than when Sakura had left, but only just so. The living members of Orochimaru’s army had retreated with the darkness of night, but as dawn drew closer, the fighting had picked back up. Everywhere Sakura looked, bodies littered the ground. Some faces were familiar, some weren’t… She mourned both equally. It might have been selfish to feel relief when Genma’s dirt-covered face came into view, but she sighed anyway. He was exhausted, but alive. It took only moments to relay the plan to him, hoping that it would be enough to give everyone on their side some warning. Sakura didn’t acknowledge, nor did she miss, the worried frown on her best friend’s face.

“Are you ready?” Even before his question landed, the seal on Naruto’s forehead seemed to open and spiral outwards – the black markings crawling across his skin.

Praying her energy would last, Sakura nodded as her own body slipped (with struggle) into _Sage Mode_. “I have to keep the natural chakra balanced with yours, so don’t hit me all at once. Try to funnel it slowly.”

Dropping to one knee, Sakura placed her hands to the ground, hoping it would help her balance her chakra easier. When Naruto’s warm hands found her shoulders, Sakura closed her eyes. Just as she had instructed, his chakra slowly slipped into her body – almost at a steady trickle.

“Sakura…” The way he breathed her name – fearful.

“It’s okay.” She dismissed, focusing on the balance within her. “I’m going to be okay.”

For the first time in nearly a month, Sakura felt _strong_. She knew that it was a false strength – one that would leave her once Naruto let go, but for a moment she simply breathed it in. As his chakra continued to wash over her, Sakura worked to balance it, carefully making sure to limit his flow on her end. The last thing she needed was to have to deal with the physical backlash of not handling _Sage Mode_ properly.

“Ready?” She called, frog-like eyes skimming the battlefield with renewed vigor. There were no less than fifty reanimated shinobi. While their side only held about thirty, sealing them would be easy once they were trapped.

Naruto hesitated, his fingers tightening. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s do this!” He cheered, both of them now glowing a bright orange.

“Sage Art: Botanical Coffin!” Thanks to the insane chakra Naruto funneled through her body, the number of vines that exploded from the ground was nearly double what Sakura had been expecting.

The cherry blossom covered tendrils burst violently outward – curling around the ankles of several nameless enemies. Without having to limit herself, Sakura was able to wind them upward quickly, encasing one body after the next. Some fulfilled their purpose – squeezing hard enough to have killed a normal nin. Most secured their target before she was moving on to the next. As Sakura focused trapping the enemy, their soldiers worked to slap seals to their foreheads. More substantial seals would be added later, but for now it would do.

“You have to teach me this!” Naruto called overhead, his eyes following the second wave of vines. Along Sakura’s body, his chakra worked to heal every bruise and cut she had. Maybe she would get out of this in better shape than she thought…

As the last of the zombie shinobi were secured, a slow, ominous clapping filled the air. It wasn’t the sight of Orochimaru that made Sakura’s heart nearly stop. Nor was it the fact that Jiraiya had yet to arrive, and she was useless without Naruto’s chakra. The thing that almost made Sakura cry out was the sight of Kakashi standing tall to Orochimaru’s right, his eyes a sightless milky white.

“Kakashi…” She breathed his name as she stood, Naruto carefully pulling back his chakra as he helped her to her feet. By the time she straightened, the remainder of Sakura’s _Sage Mode_ slipped away.

“Hmmm?” Orochimaru smiled as he watched her with those cold snake eyes. “Oh, you mean my newest pet.” He reached up to slap Kakashi’s cheek with faux affection. The man didn’t even seem to notice it was happening.

Was he even alive? The thought made Sakura sick. It was only through sheer force of will that she didn’t turn to empty the contents of her stomach. Those eyes – they weren’t Kakashi’s eyes. Color aside, they stared with a cold vacancy that not even the reanimated shinobi’s held. His uniform was torn, and his body covered in dry blood. His once silvered hair was more of a sooty grey now – hanging in his face without care. _No…_ What did Orochimaru _do_!?

“Ah… your panic is delicious.” The snake smiled. “I thought about that very look while I was plotting my revenge. You see, I had bigger plans for Minato. How entertaining it would have been to watch him fight his own son…” Orochimaru’s smile fell. “But your little frog friends saw to it that he was sealed away for good.”

“So this is your revenge?” Sakura’s nose scrunched as she bared her teeth. It was either that or cry, and she would wait until Orochimaru was killed before she shed a tear. “Killing Kakashi? To what – make me fight him too?”

“Oh, no.” Orochimaru tisked, lightly petting Kakashi’s masked cheek. “You see, I considered that. But what kind of punishment would it be if you simply helped your beloved here move on?” He smiled at whatever he saw in Sakura’s face. “Oh, that’s right, I saw all about your little love affair in this one’s mind. I would expect no less from one of Jiraiya’s students.” Finally letting his hand fall away, Orochimaru smiled again. “Your precious sensei is very much alive.”

“What do you want, Orochimaru!?” Naruto screamed by Sakura’s ear, but she hardly heard it. Kakashi was _alive_. He was somewhere in there – beyond whatever jutsu he was trapped in.

“As I said – punishment.” He sneered. “You wait your turn, young Hokage. I’ve got my own plans for you. As for you, pretty little kunoichi …” He stepped away from Kakashi, Naruto mirroring his movements. “You see, it wasn’t easy to control his mind. It took _weeks_ to break him. Finally, Kabuto found a way to turn his love for you into something… well let’s say, _darker_.” He laughed. “Kabuto has always been clever, and I couldn’t have any of that love nonsense stopping all my hard work.”

Sakura struggled to both watch Orochimaru’s movements and keep an eye on the statue-still Kakashi. With Naruto’s chakra gone, her body was starting to buckle and sag again. With a snap from Orochimaru, Kakashi’s hands moved at an impossible rate – the series of signs coming to an end before Sakura could even register them beginning. As Naruto called out for her, several beams shot up around her and Kakashi – locking them in what appeared to be a cage made of chakra. She would be willing to bet that there was no just walking out of it either.

“You see, now you have a choice.” Orochimaru practically giggled as Naruto punched one side of the cage. Across from her, Kakashi was back to his motionless stance. “Kakashi as you knew him is still in there. I had originally planned on letting his conscious mind do the talking, but he proved… willful.”

“You’re crazier than I thought! You can’t hold Kakashi in this jutsu forever. He’ll figure out a way to break it.”

Another sadistic giggle. “Of course he will. But by then, it’ll be too late. Your choice will have been made.” Sakura winced as Naruto’s rasengan scratched sharply against the barrier. “You’ll either choose to kill him, or you’ll allow him to kill you – very slowly, in case you were wondering. Either way, I think you’ll learn your lesson.” His smile didn’t faulter when Naruto spun on his heel. “And don’t bother trying to get through to him. I think you’ll find that your _love_ won’t be enough to break my jutsu.”

Something in Orochimaru’s words seemed to flip a switch in Kakashi’s brain. Sakura just managed to pull her sabre as he lunged, kunai in hand. The makeshift chakra prison didn’t allow for much movement, which meant that it wouldn’t allow for any hiding. Sakura grit her teeth as Kakashi swung recklessly – each blow clattering loudly against the blade of her sword. Thanks to her low energy, there was a gap in Sakura’s defense. Naturally, Kakashi instantly exploited it. When he landed a blow against the flat of her chest, it wasn’t with a blade, but with his knuckles.

Right… dragging out her death. “Kakashi…” Sakura breathed his name as her back collided with a large tree. It groaned in protest, some of the bark splintering and falling around her feet. Over his shoulder, a large toad shook the battlefield. She only had a moment to meet Jiraiya’s panicked gaze before Kakashi’s long fingers were around her throat.

Instinctually, Sakura brought the sabre up, catching her movements right before the blade met the flesh of his forearm. For the first time, Kakashi’s face showed a flicker of emotion. Staring at the small crest on the blade’s handle, his silver brows scrunched together. Within the opaque depths of his gaze, Sakura could make out the smallest hint of grey.

“Please… Kakashi… You remember, don’t you?” A tiny frown. “This was your father’s blade… you gave it to me for my birthday last year…”

When Kakashi blinked, his lids remained closed for a long moment before snapping open. Finding Sakura’s face again, any hint of humanity she had seen was lost. She cried out as he twisted the sword from her hand, the fingers around her throat tightening. Was this it? Was Kakashi Hatake _truly_ going to be the death of her? It was almost fitting, all things considered.

Sakura gasped for breath as Kakashi drew a kunai. “Please…” Without her permission, tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. They were the first she’d shed since hearing about his disappearance.

Without care, Kakashi thrust the kunai forward. It was with little thought that Sakura used the hand that didn’t grip his wrist to block the blow. If she hadn’t, he would have sunken the entire blade into her torso. Instead, the sharp edges cut right through Sakura’s hand, the hilt only stopping when Kakashi’s fist nestled in her fingers. She tried to cry out in pain, but no sound came.

Through the silent tears that gathered in her eyes, Sakura could just make out his face. The face of the man she had always loved. The face of the man she would gladly die for. If she had to go, she was glad that his would be the last face she saw. Sakura hoped that if this was truly the end of the road for her, that Kakashi could forgive himself. She knew that he wouldn’t – that it would be like reliving Rin’s death tenfold… but she didn’t want him to suffer. She’d always just wanted him to be happy…

“I l-love yo-u.” She managed a weak smile. Still, Kakashi’s fingers tightened. “I fo-forgi-ve you.”

_“I think you’ll find that your love won’t be enough to break my jutsu.”_

Maybe not. Maybe Orochimaru had built up Kakashi’s mind against Sakura, but there was one thing that he hadn’t counted on – one thing _she_ hadn’t counted on. With the kunai still buried in her palm, Sakura wrapped her fingers around Kakashi’s fist. Slowly, she used the last of her strength to guide his hand inward until the side brushed the soft leather of her top.

“Ka-kas-hi…” Staring into those milky orbs, Sakura gave another silent sob. “I-I’m pre-gnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter oh-ho-ho this chapter! I had planned for the war, but wasn’t sure what big events would take place within in. Then – it came to me in a dream. Cliché, yes, but still true. I thought holy shit! Kakashi trying to kill Sakura! I had already planned on her being pregnant, so it was like YAAAASSSSSS!
> 
> Be honest, how many of you figured it out before the reveal? I tried really hard to put all the evidence out there, but still hide it. I wanted it to be one of those oooooh moments. One of those where you look back and think that makes so much sense! My endgoal was at least one audible gasp xD
> 
> In case you were wondering, no Sakura did not get ‘the sickness’. She had managed to avoid drinking the contaminated water. When she started showing early pregnancy symptom, she allowed others to think that’s what it was. Sakura wasn’t 100% sure she was pregnant, but she had a feeling. Knowing that if she confirmed it, she would have to go back to the village, she purposefully stayed ignorant. It was almost like long-term shock over Kakashi being captured. It wasn’t that Sakura didn’t care about the baby, but that she kind of went numb by the time she suspected anything.


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be sure to read the coldnotes at the end of each chapter! They’re notes/ideas/backstories that I jotted down while writing each chapter. Sometimes, they give extra info! :D**

**Sixteen**

_Swimming… no, dreaming? Maybe he was flying…_

_Kakashi blinked into the endless fog. Where was he? How did he get here? There was a face – a cruel face with snake-like eyes… but what else? It felt like he was forgetting something – something important… But the fog was heavy, and he was so tired… Maybe he should just let whatever was lost stay that way. Would it really do him any good to seek it out?_

_Still, Kakashi’s feet shuffled forward through the darkness. Heavy… it was all so heavy. There was something – just out of reach. He could almost smell it… flowers? No, not flowers… a singular flower. It was calling to him, but flowers didn’t talk, and Kakashi was **so** tired. He felt like he’d been walking for years… maybe he had. There was no time here – if there was even a here. _

_There it was again – his name… The flower was calling his name. He could almost feel the petals – soft and delicate, but strong enough to survive a storm. If he closed his eyes long enough, he could make out the pastel pink and jade green of it – but Kakashi didn’t dare close his eyes for too long. It would have been easier – to lay in the dark fog, but the flower was wilting… it was sad. For some reason, Kakashi couldn’t stand the thought of the flower falling. He had to find it in the darkness… he had to rescue it._

_A flash of something – metallic and patterned. It made Kakashi’s feet still. What was that? Why did it make his chest ache? Why was the flower attached to something so cold? Couldn’t she see that she needed warmth – for Kakashi had determined the flower **was indeed** a she. He reached for the tissue-thin petals, but it was too late. He had stood still for too long, and the darkness had closed in again. He’d never get to the flower now._

_No… not a flower… He pushed on, his steps quicker, though not by much. Although his mind struggled to force his feet to move, they could go no faster. Not a flower… a cherry blossom. **His** cherry blossom… his Sakura. _

_Her pink hair was brighter in his mind’s eye now, but it was wrong. Too heavy with blood – too tangled with neglect. And her eyes… they were wrong too. The shade was too dark with the smudged red underneath nearly faded. She said his name… did she? It felt like it, though her lips didn’t move. Even faster, Kakashi’s feet moved towards an unknown goal. He had to save her – he had to save his cherry blossom._

_“I l-love yo-u”_

_Her words were loud and clear now, and with their clarity came Kakashi’s memories. Orochimaru… Kabuto… Some kind of brainwashing jutsu… Sakura!_

_“I fo-forgi-ve you.”_

_For what? What did she forgive him for? A flash – like a photo. She was dying… No! He was **killing** her! _

_Kakashi tried to scream her name, even as she struggled to breathe his. He was almost there – he could feel the warmth of her bloody fingers now… blood he had spilt. The thought drove Kakashi further as he struggled against the pull of the darkness. He could feel his entire left arm now, the tingling sensation of awareness prickling up his face and across his chest._

_So close… hold on, Sakura!_

“I-I’m pre-gnant.”

The words succeeded in chasing away the remaining darkness, even as Kakashi struggled to understand what was happening. His brain processed several things at once. The first, was that his fingers were around Sakura’s throat – _tightly_. He almost jerked his hand away, but Sakura’s lulling head forced him to shift his hold to carefully catch her.

The second thing was the kunai that he still held – pressed to the hilt into Sakura’s limp hand. _That_ , he did drop. He did so because the third thing to register was that Sakura was unconscious. As he sank to the ground, Kakashi ran his fingers over her pulse point, nearly crying out at the weak thumping there.

The final, and most important information to finally allow Kakashi’s mind to catch up to the present, were Sakura’s words. She was pregnant… She was _pregnant_. Was it his? _Of course_ it was his! Even he knew that was a stupid question. She was _pregnant_ with _his baby_ , and he had almost _killed_ her.

“Sakura…” Her name fell from his lips as he cradled her upper body to his chest. “Please – Sakura!” The hand that didn’t wrap around her small back didn’t seem to know where to land. It started in her hair before moving quickly to her bleeding hand. Finally, it pressed lightly against the smallest of swells at her stomach. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Kakashi!” He heard his name, but didn’t turn. If she died… if he killed her… if he killed _their baby_ … “Pull yourself together, Hatake!” Tsunade’s voice was louder now, though not as unkind as her words would have suggested. “We’re fighting a war here!”

Clutching Sakura’s tiny body tighter, he looked up to find Tsunade’s face. Whatever she saw in his eyes made her physically faulter. Did he look angry? Hopeless? _Ah…_ Kakashi thought as he blinked quickly. He was crying.

“You have to help her…” He breathed, his voice steadier than it had been. Tsunade was the best there was. Besides, he still had to turn Orochimaru inside out for making him hurt Sakura. “She’s pregnant.”

Tsunade’s face softened before a loud explosion caused her to remember herself. Shielding her head from the debris, Tsunade cursed and ducked to take Sakura from his arms. When he didn’t let go right away, she gave him a pointed glare. With one last look at Sakura’s pale face, Kakashi released her into the former Hokage’s arms.

“Me and Shizune will take care of her, okay? We’ll make sure she’s safe inside the village walls. In the meantime…” Her cool mask broke as she looked over her shoulder. “Jiraiya’s not doing too well… You need to help him and Naruto take down Orochimaru.”

With a hatred unlike he’d ever known coursing through his veins, Kakashi stood. As he did, he picked up Sakura’s discarded sabre. It had been wielded by two people he loved. The first had died before his time. The second had nearly died at his hand. It seemed a fitting weapon to feed Kakashi’s bloodlust.

“Take care of her.” He instructed needlessly before taking off towards the carnage.

Sakura’s head seemed to pound in time with the steady beeps that pulled her from blissful unconsciousness. Beyond her closed lids, there was a harsh light that didn’t help the unshakable rhythm. The pain in her body was what finally forced her eyes open, though it wasn’t without effort that she lifted her heavy lids.

The hospital? The last thing Sakura remembered was Kakashi’s haunting eyes… had he pulled out of the jutsu? Had someone _stopped_ him? The small whimper of pain that caught in her throat as she tried to sit was only partially due to her physical state. Making it about halfway up, Sakura panted from the effort, her eyes squeezing closed against the sharp pain at her temples. Where was everyone? Was the war still going on? And most importantly, was Kakashi okay?

Finally admitting that she stood no chance of sitting up on her own, Sakura deftly pushed the little button with the picture of a nurse on it. It was only a few seconds later when the whirlwind of insults in the form of the Fifth Hokage blew in. In between spat curses of _idiotic_ and _just like him_ , Tsunade helped Sakura sit up fully, the pillows behind her wedging comfortably against her aching back.

“I take it you’re not happy with me?” Her voice was rough and grainy. With every word, Sakura’s vocal chords protested.

“You bet your skinny ass I’m not!” Tsunade placed her fists on her hips. “There is never any reason for a pregnant woman to be on the front line – even a _Sage_! If I didn’t think you were behind silencing her, I would have Hinata stripped of her medic rank for this whole mess!”

Sakura winced, both at the volume and the words being spoken. “I didn’t know for sure…” She reasoned, though they both knew it was a lie. “How’s the baby… how’s everyone?”

Tsunade’s face softened in a way that made a lump form in Sakura’s bruised throat. “The baby is fine. It’s a boy, by the way.”

A son… Sakura was going to have a son. A little boy that was half her and half Kakashi. “Kakashi…” She almost couldn’t get the name out through the fear.

“He’s fine too. A little banged up since he won’t let anyone heal him, but fine. I sent him home about twenty minutes ago. He hasn’t left your side since the war ended.”

“The war’s over then?” Kakashi was okay… The baby was okay… The only thing that stopped Sakura from smiling was the look on the older woman’s face. “What… what is it?”

“Sakura…” _Genma? Jiraiya? Ino? Naruto?_ So many smiling faces flashed through Sakura’s mind. She had been lucky – as far as shinobi went. She had managed to hold onto everyone she cared about. But the way Tsunade said her name… “Jiraiya’s dead.”

It was only Tsunade’s lightning-fast reflexes with a bedpan that stopped Sakura from dry-heaving over her lap. When nothing came up, she simply spat into the opening, hugging it to her chest. _No_. She had to be wrong… she had to… Sakura hadn’t realized she was crying until a sob broke from her sore throat. _Please…_

_“What’s a pretty young thing like you doing crying out here all alone?”_

Once the sobs started, they didn’t stop. The echo of his words from their very first meeting rang in her mind.

_“I see from your headband that you’re a shinobi. You can’t afford to cry every time someone dies. The village is still standing, and that’s all that matters. That’s why we risk our lives, after all.”_

She didn’t hear as Kakashi entered, only felt it when the bed dipped next to her. Sobbing, and hugging the bedpan to her chest, Sakura’s eyes squeezed closed as he pulled her into his chest, his masked lips pressing to the crown of her head. It should have been a happy moment – seeing Kakashi again. She wanted to smile at him… She wanted to be happy. Instead, her body shook harder as he held her, whispering mumbled apologies and promises as Sakura mourned the only real parent she’d ever had.

_Six Months Later_

Even though her legs hurt, Sakura remained kneeling in front of the memorial stone. It was funny – to see his name etched so small among the others. Jiraiya had always seemed larger than life itself. At first, Sakura had almost felt insulted that his name was just as small as everyone else’s… and then she got it. In death, they were all the same.

Recovering in the hospital had been hard, but Sakura had refused to go home. Jiraiya’s stuff still sat in her spare room. She moved in with Kakashi upon her release – refusing to even step foot in her old place. She kept the lease, knowing that there would be a time when she felt strong enough. Until then, she just needed to cry a little longer.

“It took me a while to wear the face paint again…” She admitted to the silent stone. “I didn’t want to, but then I remembered what you said… about how we’re family. You were right… you were always right.” Biting her bottom lip, Sakura’s hand moved over her large stomach. “I decided to name him after you. Raiya Hatake. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? I wonder if he’ll have Kakashi’s hair. People might start to wonder if he’s yours in that case.” Sniffling, she laughed. “I bet you would love that, you old pervert.” Slowly, her smile fell. “I miss you… I’ve even continued your pervy books. No one knows anything other than they’re still coming out. There’s a rumor that you’re writing them from beyond the grave.”

“I might have started that one.” Kakashi’s voice was light as he moved to stand behind Sakura. Whenever she visited Jiraiya, he tended to slink off and read until she was done. But today, they had to get to Shizune and Genma’s baby shower. “Need some help?” He chuckled when Sakura glared at him.

Once he helped her to her feet, Kakashi cupped Sakura’s face with both hands, his thumbs skimming her jaw. It had taken some getting used to – seeing him with two matching eyes. When Sakura had first woken up, Kakashi had worried she would fear him. _Especially_ his eyes. It had taken him weeks to understand that Sakura had never feared him – not for a second. Throughout her entire life, there had never been a time when Sakura had felt anything but love for Kakashi.

“Your son is killing my back.” She mumbled, smiling when Kakashi ran his nose against hers. He had forsaken his mask upon their arrival, mumbling something about _tan lines_.

“ _My_ son, now?” He hummed, humor lighting his features as he brushed a soft kiss across her lips. “I called dibs on any future daughters. I still think Yui is a great name.”

“Let’s have this one before naming our next after a battering receptionist.” When he kissed her again, Sakura smiled. _This_. This was what she had always been striving for. Her family.

“I just need to have a word with Jiraiya before we leave.” Sakura snorted as he unhanded her face and moved around her in one quick move. Dropping to his knees, Kakashi lowered his head in a silent prayer. “I feel like I’ve given you a lot…” Sakura frowned at the seriousness of his tone. “I was your number one fan for too many years to count. Well, Sakura’s too – I guess. I always respected your choices, and when we went out for drinks, I told you how amazing of a job you did training Sakura.

“Now, upon her request, I’m even naming my first born after you. I know you’re not Sakura’s real father, but I also know that you might as well have been. So, I want to be upfront with my intentions.”

Sakura blinked in silent wonder as Kakashi spoke as if she wasn’t there. After her release, they hadn’t really talked about their future together. There were mumbled confessions of love, and sweet touches. They weren’t contained to the apartment either. After the war, no one seemed to have an issue with the two being together – some even cashed in bets. The only cries of outrage came from Sakura’s estranged mother. When the woman demanded that Naruto do something about their relationship, he did. He passed a law that would make any relationship between two consenting adults legal. Well, that might have had more to do with Gaara’s ‘extended visit’ once Temari took over as Kazekage.

“Even if I never wanted anything but the best for Sakura, I didn’t always treat her as I should have. I was afraid when the young girl I had known suddenly wasn’t a young girl anymore. It took me a long time to even understand that the two versions of Sakura in my head were the same person.” He continued, voice soft. “And then… I realized I was in love with her. I planned on doing the honorable thing and letting her go, but you know how stubborn Sakura can be.”

Fighting back the urge to defend herself (not to mention, tears), Sakura bit her lip. “But then I did something unforgivable… I hurt her. It wasn’t my mind, but it was my body. I think watching how easily she could have been taken away from me was the final piece of the puzzle.” He sighed heavily. “Which is why, after giving you so much, I want to ask you for something. I want your permission to ask Sakura to marry me.”

The shock was nearly as abrupt as her tears. While Sakura certainly hoped to marry Kakashi one day, he had given no implication that he was thinking of asking her. She was content with their relationship, so she certainly hadn’t been expecting for _him_ to bring it up.

“I know we’re doing things a little out of order, but timing’s never been our thing.” Kakashi smirked at her snort – the only indication that he was paying attention to her as well. “I didn’t think I was the type of man that wanted the clan home, and the wife, and the kids… I was wrong. I want all of that. So if you’ll let me – and if she agrees of course, I’m going to make Sakura my wife.”

He finally turned, pulling a small box from his vest pocket. With something that almost seemed like nervousness, Kakashi raised one leg and smiled. Popping the box open, he held the ring out for Sakura to see. She’d be ashamed if he learned that she had no idea what it looked like. All that mattered to Sakura were the emotions swimming in those dark orbs. The very same ones she hoped their children inherited.

“I’m taking his silence as a yes. So now it’s up to you.” With a deep breath and a crooked smile, Kakashi slipped the ring from the box and grabbed Sakura’s hand. “Will you marry me?”

Did he even have to ask? “Absolutely.” As soon as the ring was around her finger, Kakashi stood scooping Sakura into his arms. She laughed as he placed small kisses over every inch of her face he could reach. Finally, his lips landed on her own in a deep kiss. “Kakashi?”

He hummed, his eyes closed serenely as he pressed his forehead to hers. It almost reminded Sakura of their very first kiss. It might have taken a while for them to get to this place, but it was worth every minute. In trying to become strong in the way she wanted to be, Sakura had become strong in the way she _needed_ to be. Even though Jiraiya was gone, she would honor his memory, as he had honored her life. When Sakura sought strength, he had been the one to offer it. In many ways, she owed him so much more than a namesake.

“My water just broke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
> _  
> I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,  
> _** ** _  
> _  
> **So… hear me out…. I battled with killing off Jiraiya. It was one of those things that, as a story writer, I wanted. I knew it made sense for the sake of war, and loss, and I knew that it would _hurt_. I know it seems fucked up that I want to hurt you guys, but writing for me… Even if I’m not the best at it, it’s an art form I love. With mental images and characters that I pull from my own head, I can make others _feel_. I can make you laugh, and scream, and turn beet red [looking at you smut re-readers].
> 
> Making someone hurt/cry over a character/relationship you built… the feeling is inexplicable. Because even if you’re miserable, you’re feeling _something_. It’s the biggest compliment a writer can get. It means that I made not only these people, but their bonds so _tangible_ , that you’re saddened by their non-existent end.
> 
> _On the other hand_ … I fall in love with my characters too. I mentally let the bonds and feelings rule me when I write so that the reactions feel more genuine. Building up Sakura and Jiraiya’s relationship was important for the beginning, because I wanted them to have a real bond – probably the first adult bond Sakura ever formed. To have to ripped that away from her as she _finally_ gets what she had been searching for – what she _left with Jiraiya_ for… it’s poetic, but so _so_ hard. 
> 
> So I left it up to you guys. I asked Tumblr: yes or no? I didn’t tell you what the choice was, only that there was one that would affect the plot. The answer was a _resounding_ yes. And I’m really thankful for that. I think it brought an element of truth into the story that I would have been too cowardly to broach otherwise.
> 
> In all seriousness, that one scene took me longer to write than any other _chapter_. I fucking lost it when Jiraiya’s words were repeated back. It had been completely unintentional, but jfc, what a punch to gut!


	17. Notes/Extras

Because they’re loose-end-y I want to go over a few things!

**Roll the Credits!**

➳ First off, Kakashi and Sakura had three children. Raiya, of course. He was a mini Kakashi all the way. When he was old enough, Sakura took him to train with the toads. Once he mastered _Sage Mode_ , Sakura passed down her face paint – including Jiraiya’s brush set. Then they had a little girl named Yui. They had joked about the name so much that it actually grew on them. Later, when she found out where her name came from, Yui would groan and mention how embarrassing they were. Yui has pastel pink hair and grey eyes. No one knows what the rest of her face looks like, other than her family because she’s been wearing her father’s masks since she was four. When she turned twelve, Sakura gifted her the _white chakra sabre._ Lastly, they had a little boy named Sakumo [Kumo for short]. He had Kakashi’s demeanor most of the time, but Sakura’s temper. He is obsessed with his Uncle Naruto and the possibility of becoming Hokage one day. His eyes are a deep green, and his hair is a bright silver that almost looks pink in certain lights.

➳ Speaking of Naruto! He and Gaara were married not long after Yui was born. There was some initial worry among the five nations, but in the way he always does, Naruto managed to charm them and broker peace. It was after Yui’s fifth birthday (when Sakura was _very_ pregnant with Kumo) that Naruto showed up on her doorstep. It had suddenly occurred to him that Sakura never gave him an answer about joining ANBU. She laughed and slammed the door in his face.

➳ Genma and Shizune got married, though it took a few years. To a lot of people, it looked like they fought a lot, but Sakura could see the way he looked at her when no one else was around. They had twin girls that were known for pulling pranks and having a mild obsession with senbon. It took a little time, but the four of them managed to find an easy friendship.

➳ Kankurō never did pay for the meal he ran out on. Sakura is still plotting her revenge.

➳ Ino and Shikamaru finally got together when she _yelled_ at him to ask her out. Shikamaru simply responded with _‘Geeze, woman. You could have just asked if you wanted a date!’_. He’s in line to become the Seventh Hokage, and she’s pregnant with their second child.

➳ Hinata didn’t get fired. In fact, she got a promotion to Chief of Staff when Tsunade left the village.

➳ Tsunade comes back every now and then – visiting Jiraiya’s grave before disappearing again.

**The Domino Effect**

_[aka the series of events that occurred simply because Sakura crushed on Kakashi instead of Sasuke]_

_Because Sakura like Kakashi…_

➳ She trained harder to impress him instead of just focusing on her looks. [and maintained her friendship with Ino]

_Because Sakura trained harder…_

➳ She tried different weapons. Namely, the tantō that Kakashi inspired.

_Because she tried different weapons…_

➳ She was better able to hold her own during the Chūnin exam. Therefor, didn’t feel as dependent on her teammates.

_Because she wasn’t as dependent on her teammates…_

➳ She didn’t cling to them. So when Sasuke left the village, Sakura didn’t try to follow him.

_Because she didn’t try to follow Sasuke…_

➳ Sakura was able to meet Jiraiya before meeting Tsunade. And in turn, impress him/remind him of her.

_Because Jiraiya saw potential in her…_

_➳_ Sakura’s vigor to train was renewed. Instead of waiting around for the boys, she sought out those that could teach her within the village walls.

_Because she sought out new teachers…_

_➳_ Sakura was able to meet Genma and have a blunt conversation about her feelings.

_Because Genma was honest with Sakura…_

_➳_ She was able to find value in herself, and finally take Jiraiya up on his offer. 

_Because Sakura accepted Jiraiya’s offer…_

➳ She was able to train under him and unlock _Sage Mode_.

_Because Jiraiya trained Sakura…_

➳ She inadvertently inspired an Icha Icha character – if only a bit. In being around Icha Icha/writing for it, she was able to explore her sexuality while away from the village.

_Because Sakura was away from the village…_

➳ The first time Kakashi had seen her in years was in the form of said Icha Icha illustration. It paved the way for him to see _adult_ Sakura.

_Because Kakashi saw Sakura as an adult…_

➳ He was able to appreciate her strength and wit in a new way. A way that [ironically] had very little to do with him, and more to do with the other men that had shaped her.

_Because Genma had played a part in shaping her…_

➳ He and Sakura were able to develop a real friendship – one that would eventually lead to Genma pushing Kakashi.

_Because Genma was invested enough to push Kakashi…_

➳ Kakashi was finally forced to admit his feelings for Sakura, and Sakura was able to appreciate that love as someone who fully loved herself.

_*wipes brow*_ I think that about covered it, yeah?

As always, I want to give a huge thank you to everyone that read/followed/commented/put up with me throughout this process. I know some of you have been following since its conception, and you’re the real MVP’s. Right now, I don’t have any bonus content in mind for this story, but make sure you follow me on Tumblr in case that changes!

**Edit Note:** I always update my AO3 profile with what I'm working on, so check that out if you're curious!

ILY all. Thank you, and goodnight!


End file.
